Hi and welcome Hanna;
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way hun, pregnancy can be the most beautiful time, the most frightening or both together. Why men say they'd want to experience childbirth is beyond me!!
Please don't worry too much about your feelings ok, they're very normal in your situation. Take it from me, I've been there. I planned a pregnancy with my husband, then he left me for another woman 30 wks in. I didn't find out I was carrying my son until 25 wks! I had to work full-time until my due date living alone. I got thru it and so will you. There's masses of help out there as well as here, I'm listening as are others.
Feeling numb as you've described, can be due to your psychological issues with uncertainty, as well as major hormonal changes to your physiological systems. You haven't said if you've opened up to your GP or a psychologist? This would be the best place to start. Blood tests for things like iron levels are a must.
Please forgive me if this has occurred, I'm trying to help sort out why the ambivalence is present. A good cry to your psych wouldn't go astray either, or purging into your pillow with a box of tissues beside you. Stay in bed for the day feeling really sorry for yourself. Someone needs to, please don't be so hard on yourself. This is a very big time in your life.
Anyway, I just wanted to get the ball rolling. If you have any questions don't hesitate to put them on here. You're in a safe place where you'll be heard and treated with care and acknowledgement. How about telling us the whole story? Getting it out might just do you the world of good.
Kind and warm thoughts;
Sara (Big squeezing hug)
PS...there's links below to pregnancy and early parenthood if you want some info. Please feel free to cruise the threads as well. Good luck...S
