Please help Lost hope

[Nicole_GM]

I am going through three major life changes, a pending divorce, left my job and moved out of the house I once shared with my husband. My depression at times is so overwhelming and I don’t know if I can go on. I have been on an antidepressant for the last three weeks but I am feeling no relief. I feel like I’m going to be like this forever. I just want to know everything will be ok

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nicole GM,

Welcome to the forum, it is so lovely to have you join us here. We are sorry to hear that you are having to deal with so many life changes at once and that this is so overwhelming for you. It can be very challenging to be doing what you can to get depression under control and to not have any relief. We have contracted you privately to offer you support, please refer to your email. 

We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You are not alone and the community is here to support you.
 

[Aaronsis]

Hi Nicole GM

I can tell you with my hand on my heart that yes, everything is going to be ok.

How do I know, well because you are already doing things to make sure it is going to be ok. You have taken care of your health by checking in with a doctor, you have started some medication, and while it does take some time to work you are here, chatting to us and reaching out to get some support. These are the actions of a person who is determined to get on track with her mental health.

I too had started a new job the very week I commenced a new role. Sure at the time I thought I was a fool for taking on all this stress and anxiety at once. But I got through it, and you will too. It is almost refreshing I find looking back to start a new role being a person who is now standing out on her own. Making her own way in the world after leaving a marriage. Once I settled into the role, which always feels to me like it never will happen but once you have been there a few weeks you feel like you have been there all your life, you gain confidence and this gives you strength to make the decisions and have the conversations to go through your divorce.

Also, not all divorces are a hideous experience. I think we play things out in our heads how they are going to go and mostly it is not the case. I hope that you are on good terms with your ex partner and that you can smoothly make the transition from married to divorced without too many issues.

I can say to you that you are not going to be feeling like this forever. As you start to make some choices and decisions in your life for you you will gain momentum and courage and bravery and you will see who Nicole GM is. I think you might actually surprise yourself sometimes too!

It is tough right now but lean on us, chat with friends, take some time for you and know it is ok to feel sad and to farewell the marriage, it is ok to have bad days, but know that there are brighter ones coming and that yes..everything will be ok.

Here to chat with you as much as you would like to and to share this journey with you Nicole GM.

Hugs

Sarah xx

[Aaronsis]

..that should say that I took on a new role the very week I left my husband...brain going faster than my typing..

xx

[Nicole_GM]

Oh my goodness Sarah thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I felt teary reading what you wrote but it gave me hope and made me feel heard and understood. I can’t thank you enough. When I’m in the thick of it and can seem so bleak and can’t imagine being the old me, just like my normal self. I have to believe that this too shall pass and I will be stronger for it.

thank you Sarah xxx

[Aaronsis]

You are absolutely right that when you are in the thick of it it seems like it is all you live and breathe, and to a certain degree it is as you have to tie up all the loose ends and move on to the next phase of your life. Moving on mentally though will take some time and moving on emotionally will take some time too, but it will get easier and the days will seem brighter. You will make plans with friends and even plans to do things that you may have always wanted to do but never have.

There will be days when you feel battered and bruised but these days will become shorter and then fewer. They will pass and you are very right in believing that.

I wrote a wish list of all the things I wanted to do for myself, things like get regular massages and buy myself a nice bottle of champagne on my birthday, little things like this really helped me.

I also did some writing and purged alot how I felt, it helped so much to get it out. You can be so raw and honest as you like as it is for no ones eyes but yours. I wonder if that sounds like something that could help for you?

Hugs

Sarah xx

[A_B]

Hi Nicole,

You have got this. Sounds like to me you are on the right track. Sometimes just being aware that we are struggling and reaching out is the hardest part and shows you are incredibly resilient and brave.

Divorce and new jobs and a new place to live would be a stress to most people. It does get easier!! Not all days may feel like that but over time it will become your new normal and will be easier. and yes one day you may wake up and go this is not so bad and the new possibilities ahead may even feel like something you can embrace.

Amanda x

[Nicole_GM]

Thank you Amanda, it becomes exhausting because all I want is to feel like myself again.

I am so appreciative of people like you and this forum. Although I have extremely supportive friends and family it still feels lonely and isolating.

I keep telling myself just take it day by day or even hour by hour.

thank you again for taking the time to write back

xxx

[Aaronsis]

Hi Nicole GM
I just wanted to stop in and see how you are feeling and how things have been for you over the past few days?

I can see that you have had some wonderful support here and I am so proud of you for reaching out.

Hope to chat to you soon.

Hugs

Sarah

[A_B]

Hi Nicole,

Definitely take it day by day and hour by hour. Recognise that how you are feeling is okay and know that this too shall pass. In the process, know that you are still the amazing and awesome person you have always been, but you are just like all of us humans struggling with change. Know that this amount of change would rock anyone's world. There is nothing wrong with being human. And Remember you are enough!!!

Don't fight the feelings. Just allow them to be there and then when you are ready let them go (takes practice). I find journaling can be a good way (only if you feel like it). And don't hold back here. There is no judgement on a page (no-one will see it) and they can be thrown out as a way to let go.

Its great that you have some support. Reach out to them. Family and friends just want to be there and sometimes they are not sure how best to be there. So when we reach out, they feel a sense of relief that they can be there, in the right way when we need it.

Take some time if you can for some self care too. This is different for all of us and energy dependent, Some ideas - take a walk in nature, a bath, give yourself a facial. Its oaky if that is too much as well. Its your process.

Amanda x