Not Coping Too Good

[Zaccy77]

Hi Everyone. I am new here and had a nurse at the hospital I am in recommend this site. At the moment I have been in hospital for the last 4 weeks on a Surgical Ward. I have diabetic ulcers on the side of both feet and under my big toe on my left foot which were really bad. After being in for 2 weeks with many x-rays and bone scans it came back that I have osteomyelitis in my big toe. This is a serious bone infection. What they are saying is that the infection from the ulcer on my big toe went into the bone and started spreading.

Yesterday (Friday 13th) I was moved to from the Surgical Ward to the Acute Rehabilitation Unit at the same hospital and was told that I will be in for at least another 5 weeks. Being in for just 4 weeks isn't helping my bipolar and anxiety as it is. But now having to be in for over another month is not helping me at all.

I am in a room with 3 other guys, a lot older then me, they are in there 80s, and this is really distressing to me due to some things that happened to me by an older guy when I was a child. It has brought my anxiety to the forefront all over again. They are really good at the hospital trying to do what they can. They are trying to get me into a single room to make things easier since I am going to be here for such a long time.

I just don't know how to handle this much more. I want to just leave but the problem is if I discharge myself I will 100% lose my toe, if not my foot is what they are saying. And with what it looks like and the pain (for which I am on morphine every 3 hours) I believe them too.

Any support and advice would be very grateful. Thank you!

[white knight]

Hi Zaccy

I'm pleased you have been posting here for comfort. I had osteomyelitis when I was 7yo in 1963 and they cured it with drugs. So anything is possible in 54 years later. Be positive about that ok.

In your worst case scenario and you lose you foot life is not over. You can lead a good life and adapt to it. I know you are feeling this way ATM but believe me time will heal the mental wounds. I'm bipolar also and I know the feelings of despair, feeling like you want to give up and so on, its hard to combat them.

You will beat this. You will feel better once its all done. You will be happier.

Tony WK

[Zaccy77]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Just wanted to give you a quick update before I go back to sleep. It's been a big afternoon and I am still a bit drowsy and in pain from surgery. It turned out they had to amputate my toe. I am a complete mess right now but I will write again soon. For now I just want to curl into a ball and be left alone in my room here.

I thought my journey with this was about over, but really it's only just starting now. I am just a mess I will write soon. Thanks for your comments and prayers.

[Birdy77]

Hey Zaccy,

Thinking of you.

Life is very difficult right now for you.

I've been reading and seeing the wise and loving support you have here.

You will be alright.

It's going to be ok.

Many, many caring thoughts.

🌻birdy

[Doolhof]

Dear Zaccy,

HI. Thank you so much for sending us a message. That is huge! I don't know how you managed that! I'm really sorry to read about your toe, and really do hope and pray the spread of the infection will be stopped now.

Please don't feel any pressure to "chat" here unless you are up to it Zaccy. No doubt you have a lot going on in your mind right now.

Years ago I had an operation on my back and I had no idea what the outcome would be. It scared me. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry until the pain and the confusion went away. I did cry until the lady in the bed next to me told me off and yelled at me to shut up!

Hopefully the staff are supportive and can provide you with adequate pain relief, empathy and care.

All the best to you, will be saying a few more prayers on your behalf. Kind regards from Dools

[Croix]

Dear Zaccy~

It was a realistic and brave thing to do, signing that consent form. We do have to make decisions without knowing all the facts or how things will turn out. Taking steps to get rid of the infection would seem the sensible course, so I guess we simply hope for the best for you.

We all appreciate your letting us know what's happening, a very welcome gesture as we are all following your progress.

I hope you can get some rest

Croix

[Doolhof]

Good morning Zaccy,

Hopefully your pain subsides as the day goes along and hopefully the operation has been successful and you will start to improve with your physical health.

I'm curious about the picture you have chosen for your avatar on the forum. If you feel like sharing, can you tell me how you relate to it? It reminds me of a being that is higher than I am looking out for me while I am surrounded by creation. It is a powerful and peaceful looking image to me.

Wishing you all the best Zaccy. Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Zaccy,

I have have found your posts very moving.

I hope that writing helps even in a small way with what you are facing.

I am thinking of you too.

Quirky

[smallwolf]

Zaccy,

I have just come upon your story. Sorry to read all you are going through. Like Dools, I will say a few prayers on your behalf. For you, for comfort, for strength, for peace for you and wisdom, empathy and care of the staff.

All the best,

Tim

[Doolhof]

Hi Zaccy,

Just dropping by to say "hello" and to wish you well with your recovery!

Please know there is no pressure on you to answer and respond if you are not up to it.

We all just wish the best for you Zaccy!

Cheers from Dools