I’m really struggling

[BlueArt]

Hi,

so I got diganoised with depression and anxiety about a year ago. I know I’ve had it for longer than that though. I’m 22 years old and I just feel utterly worthless. I’ve left two different uni degrees because I either couldn’t handle it or didn’t want to study it anymore. I’ve got a job that barely gives me any hours and absolutely no talent in anything. I don’t have something that I’m good at or passionate about, I’m just numb to everything. I don’t even feel like I have friends anymore. My two “best friends” just booked a holiday without me, they never notice that I’m sad and when I mention it they do nothing but encourage me to drink alcohol. My family don’t understand either, I know they are trying to but they just don’t.

I’ve never felt so useless in my life and I feel like I’ll always be useless. I have no idea why I’m even here anymore.

i just have no idea what to do.

[Emmy.]

Hi BlueArt,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum. I’m glad you’ve reached out on here, it’s sounds like you’re doing it tough at the moment. Battling with depression & anxiety can be hard and tiring.

You mentioned you were diagnosed over a year ago, since then have you been working with your GP or a psychologist to learn skills how to handle your depression & anxiety.

Sorry to read that you feel worthless but please try to remember that is the depression “talking”. You are not worthless, you’re seen here and you matter...to your family, to your friends, to me.

Don’t be hard on yourself regarding your uni degrees, perhaps the timing is not right at the moment or perhaps the format of university studies isn’t for you. Personally, I started a teaching degree at university and I hated it. Had the concept of the lecturers. And I left. I found that tafe was more my style of learning. And I’ve gone on to do diplomas. Do you feel like university is something you really want to actually do and complete?

Thats a shame that your friends didn’t invite you on the holiday. Did you tell them directly that you would like to go with them? Perhaps they thought you may be busy with work or had a lot going on. Tell them how you feeling.

I’m glad your here. Keep talking with us. Have a look on other threads, you may connect with others stories. There’s also the BB cafe thread which is always fun - just a little hearted spot to go and “share” a coffee and hot chocolate with others on the forum.

Hugs, Emmy.

[BlueArt]

Hi Emmy,

thank you for replying. I have been seeing a psychologist for a few months and I’ve been on anxiety medication for longer than that. I’m not sure it’s really helping anymore. It used to but now it’s just not really doing anything.

i used to really want a uni degree. But now I don’t know what I want. I’ve studied for five years without completing anything and I just want something. I am so sick of feeling like I can’t achieve anything. I used to be really smart and academic I aced every subject I took but now I struggle to hand anything in on time.

the holiday had never been mentioned to me at all. They text me on the weekend and said hey we are going on a cruise and have booked it. They invited me but like it was already to late to get time of work, I’d have to pay for a double room alone which I can’t afford, and I wouldn’t be able to stay in the room as they, and they knew all of this when “inviting” me. It just really hurt, on top of all my other issues it felt like I truly am invisible if even my best friends forget me when discussing and booking a trip, which is what they said happened.

thank you I’ll have a look.

[CJames]

Hi BlueArt,

Completly agree with what Emmy said, you're not worthless, you're a beautiful person just stuck in a rut.

Have you done things such as volunteering? I found that being a volunteer firefighter has really expanded my friend circle, these people I work with are like my family, they seriously care and I have full trust in them.

Do you reckon something like this would help? (Not specifically firefighting)

C

[kanga_brumby]

G'day BlueArt and welcome to Beyond Blue forums I am glad Emmy, wrote you a lot of what she said was good advice. As for your friends advising you to drink when your depressed. Don't go there, that's just a depressant for your feelings and will make you feel worse. Then you wake up in the morning with a hangover, forget it. Try listening to some music you like or uplifting music if you can find some. Go for a nice long walk can also help. as Emmy said there is the Beyond Blue virtual caff in there it's light hearted. humorous at times. In there you make it look as you want it to look the menu is what you want it to be. It can be as silly as you want it to be with in reason. The main rule is not to serious keep the heavy stuff for out here. Some times there will be other threads about Christmas, Easter, where you put appropriate stuff in for the season. For instance May is coming up some people are right into star wars you could Finnish of with May the 4th be with you. There are several of those events about.

Peter

[Doolhof]

Hi BlueArt,

Depression and anxiety can be difficult things to understand and learn to live with. I find the more I read about it, the better I understand why I feel the way I do.

It is hard to get on with things when you are feeling depressed. I am sure a lot of us really understand that. My Psychologist keeps telling me to stop being so hard on myself, to not fight the depression, but accept it is there, to recognise the struggles as struggles and move on.

It is easy to say but a lot harder to do some days!

At present I am doing some compulsory study and at times I find it really difficult when my depression and anxiety decide to be present. Some days it is hard to get on with it.

Do you have counsellors at Uni who can help you?

Sorry to read about your friends and the cruise, I can well understand that would be hard to take.

Are there some things you can do for yourself to help you feel differently about life? I sometimes take myself out for a meal and to the movies. Or drive to the beach for a walk and enjoy an ice cream for example. It is over a 200 kilometre trip for me to get to the beach and home again.

Like Kanga mentioned, there are a lot of social threads you can join in with here as well if you'd like to have a look.

Welcome to the community here! Cheers from Dools

[Emmy.]

Thanks for replying.

You’re in good hands on this thread BlueArt and have lots of lovely people here giving you advice.

Regarding your medication, sometimes it can take a little while to find the best suited medication for you. Have a talk with your GP. They may need to adjust the amount, or try a different one all together.

Maybe now isn’t the right time for university, it’s not to say it won’t be at another time in your life - just not now. The good thing about uni is it’s always something you can go back to.

You said you feel as though you can’t achieve anything at the moment. But how do we measure our “achievements” in life? Is purely academically? I think it’s so much more than that. What a huge achievement is it for you to reach out here and say you’re not coping. To be looking inward and trying to help yourself get better. Seeing your psychologist, seeing your GP. Taking your medication. Do you consider those achievements too? Cause I know I’m proud of you for taking those steps to care of yourself.

Tell me what your passions are, what makes you happy and brings you joy? These are the things you need to hold onto at the moment and do a little more often to help with your mental health.

That must be really disappointing for you about the cruise. I’d be upset too if the same thing happened to me. Try to not dwell on it too much (easier said than done sometimes though hey).

Here for you. Emmy.

[BlueArt]

Hi Doolhof

there is a counselling service at the uni but I decided to leave my studies a few weeks ago. I just wasn’t into it and I had a really bad experience doing practical work for the degree, completely ruined my confidence.

i don’t really have anything like that to be honest. I’ve always been an indoor person I don’t like the outdoors or the beach really. I don’t really know anything that I like to do anymore, everything has just become boring.

[BlueArt]

Hi Emmy,

i guess I’ve always measured success on academics, it’s just what I’ve always seen. To me measuring success needed to be something big, not something I should just be doing. I guess it’s probably not a great way to look at it. I’ve seen taking my medications and stuff as something I just have to do.

I honestly don’t have any passions. I can’t remember the last thing I genuinely enjoyed doing. I’ve just done stuff cause I thought I had to do it. I used to take mixed martial arts but I didn’t truly enjoy it. I used to do swimming and dancing but it was the same with them, I never enjoyed them. I’ve tried all kinds of things but I’ve just never been able to find something I am actually passionate about.

Yeah im trying to. It’s definitely hard though, they are my only friends so it feels really lonely right now.

[Doolhof]

Hi BlueArt,

Is it possible for you to do some online study while you are at home?

Maybe have a look around on the net and see if there are any hobbies or interests that might give you something positive to do.

Have you considered some volunteer work at all? There are so many different things you could get into. Getting out doing different things on a volunteer basis might help you feel more confidence and meet new people.

Maybe Google clubs and groups in your area and see if something interesting pops up.

Do you have family members you can do things with?

Having too much free time does my head in. Hope you can find something meaningful to do!

Cheers from Dools