None of my friends and family ask how I am going

[MisterM]

I feel so unworthy, like I don't matter, like noone cares.
None of my friends and family have asked how I am going with my depression.
I feel so alone. Anyone here have the same experience as me?

[MisterM]

Hi AS,
My parents would look at me differently and I do not need that judgment. I am too self conscious as it is.
I just feel like a loser. A big loser.
I finished my uni degree last week and did not feel joy, just sadness, anxiety, loneliness.
I started art classes this week, I have my second class early next week. So far it is only males in there but I am there to learn how to paint asap. I decided to go to art classes in hope it would save me from myself. My psychiatrist suggested volunteering today to try get Centrelink's job agency off my back between now and early next year when I plan to do Honours at uni and can claim Austudy again.
 

[Aaronsis]

Wow, and congratulations, you are most certainly not a loser, I know that is not much coming from me but i most certainly do not see a loser.

That is so very much to be proud of that you finished your degree, well done. The fact that you are planning your next course doing honors is also outstanding, that is a real credit to you. Once again, not really things that I would associate a loser to be, at all.

I only suggested the volunteer side of things to get you out and in the community and give you something to feel good about yourself, which I can see you are really having trouble seeing that you are worthy and you are valid. If it helps with the Centrelink thing that is great but I was more thinking of your mental health.

That is really great to hear that you started the art class, that you did something to help your happiness and I hope you are enjoying it so far and that it does make you feel some small bit of happiness. These are not the acts of a loser, see you are chosing to show up, to life and this is so wonderful MisterM.

You are so brave and I am proud of you.

Sarah

[MisterM]

Hi Sarah,
Thank you. Just overly anxious about my growing hecs debt. Do not know how I'll ever repay it. Honours is another $8k on top and if I do Master's another $35-$40k on top. I am still paying off a useless degree from over 10 years ago.
Yeah I know you meant for my mental health.
Even the art classes has me questioning if I am every going to be good enough, is it a waste of money, plus the art world is so intimidating, I am so sensitive to criticism.

[Aaronsis]

Hi MM

I hear you , schooling is so very expensive, I don't think it is all for nothing tho, you are obviously very good at it and you just never know what the future has in store and how all these things will add up and turn out for you.

It would be a shame to stop the art classes if you are really enjoying it tho, you don't have to be the best and you don't have to look at it like a career, just enjoy it and feed your soul and if it makes you happy then you should keep at it.

Please don't take offense to me signing off from here for tonight, I have a huge day ahead of me tomorrow so need some shut eye, I have enjoyed chatting to you MM and hope that I have given you some comfort and support tonight, try to be kind to you, you are worth it.

Chat some more soon

Sleep well

Sarah

[MisterM]

Forgot to add,
I fear not getting a job out of my degree. The last time I finished uni I could not find a job for a while.
I keep getting rejections with the jobs I have been applying for as part of my Newstart requirements.
I've always struggled with finding jobs, I've been fired the last two jobs I've had for not fitting in with the team (which were relentlessly bullying me) and for being too slow at a cafe job.
And what makes my despair at being rejected worse? Centrelink's job providers treating me like crap.
I snapped at the girl handling my case last week, I told her to treat me like a human and not speak to me like I am a child. They talk in a condescending, tough way. Like you are scum of the Earth. They kick people who are already down.

[MisterM]

Hi Sarah,

No offense taken. Sleep well and have a great day tomorrow you deserve it for your kindness and care here.
Thank you once again, I really appreciate it.
MM.

[Aaronsis]

Hey MisterM

Hope that today brings you something to smile at.

Just thought I would stop in and see how you are feeling today and if getting some of your worries off your chest last night proved to be helpful to you, I sure hope so.

Chat soon

Sarah

[MisterM]

Hi Sarah,

Thank you for checking in. It helped to vent.
I still feel immensely sad and lonely today. It's hard thinking how everyone has their lives happening and I am stuck alone at home.

[Aaronsis]

Hi MM

I am glad that it helped to vent yesterday and I am so very sorry that you feel sad and lonely, it is hard when we don't have the life that we want and we see others enjoy a life that we are striving for. The thing is that we do have the capacity to make a small little change each day, to try something new or do something different and see if it does create a different outcome ,day by day just taking baby steps and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zone to try to get to that place that we would like.

Is there someone you could call to catch up and have a coffee with or even just a chat with over the phone? Have you been able to connect with anyone in the art class and perhaps make a friend?

Sarah 🙂

[MisterM]

Hi Sarah,
Just ruminating how everyone has jobs, their own place to call home, kids or expecting kids is tough.
I feel left out of life.
I don't feel like I can just call someone for a coffee, everything has to planned in advance because of everyone's busy lives. I could call I guess but I feel like I am bothering people's busy lives. When I told my friend I was struggling a month or so ago he video called me which was nice. I have not met anyone in art class yet, I've only had the once class. I was introduced by my teacher but I was too busy working on what my teacher got me working on to have the chance to talk.