No friends, wife doesnt care, lonely

[Joey84]

Been dealing with this for a long time and want to meet new people but cant because of wife not letting me, plus my anxiety doesnt help meeting new people but im lonely and wish i had friends or people that would put in the same amount of effort i put in. Instead of me being the only person making effort or constantly being judged. Not sure why im posting here but anything worth a try.

[geoff]

Hello Joey, if your wife is stopping you from meeting new friends then her reasons may not be justified or whether it's because of your anxiety, as you've told us, then the only way to break this is by being able to talk with people or friends.

If you are 'the only person making effort or constantly being judged' then this is only going to damper your enthusiasm and not only one person is not entitled to do this as it could be referred as something else.

I wonder why this is happening because meeting friends or establishing friendships is a key in helping yourself in starting to overcome this feeling.

There are ways to do this but if you could tell us what you like doing in life, like hobbies or sport, then we can try and help you further.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Joey84]

She is very controlling with everything I try do. Has to be apart of it all. I enjoy watching a lot of sport, cars, music. I try to enjoy things i love but its never the right time or im not aloud, we have split before but never really separated and we get along most times as friends but there is nothing else there. But im looking more for friends and to hang out doing like minded things. Hard to meet new people when anxiety not best, i dont drink alcohol and lots of people dont like that. Not sure what i can do, guess im just odd one out.

[geoff]

Hello Joey, no you're not one of a kind, and as you have split before, you should be allowed to do what you want to do, except for your anxiety, but perhaps she might be adding to this.

You have a great capacity to do what you want by watching sport, cars and music and may be she is only holding you back to pursue what you enjoy.

You don't have to tell her where you are going or what you'll be doing, even though she may be a friend, but not in a positive way, it's too controlling, so have you thought about a divorce, this doesn't necessarily mean the love for her goes away, because I still love my ex-wife as we are divorced and split up goods, sold the house etc.

You are in a position you don't have to be, especially if you have split, then she has no right to know what you're doing.

Go to an AFL game, become a member of that club, then you will meet other people with the same intentions, and if you can achieve this helps erode your anxiety, slowly but it still appens.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Joey84]

We are back together for a while now since we last split, but it difficult when there are kids and my health and if i just said, im going for a drive by myself be back later that would be a huge no no and she would assume im up to no good or whatever and then get interrogated when i got home. So the drama it would cause when coming home would undone anything positive that would happen with going out. I have thought bout splitting again but kids come first and every situation i play out it effects them negative and then i also loose out as well. Plus the fear on being lonely and not having someone love me is scary to as when i was single for 6 months i had no luck meeting anyone at all. No interest, was hard to cope with too.

[geoff]

Hello Joey, kids are happier in two different families, rather than one unhappy family and to be interrogated by her when you get home is emotional abuse, so you need to break this domination, as she has a problem in overcoming this herself.

If you split, you don't ask her where or what she's been doing and probably she wouldn't tell you the truth anyway, so it's a decision you need to make and you could suggest meeting a mediator, where they will discuss with you both what are your best alternatives and your wife won't be in control.

If you have split up before, then you need to break free, you will meet someone else, but now you can't because of your wife as she could've causing your anxiety.

Your kids may benefit from this as well, cause if she controls you then is this happening with your kids as well.

Geoff.