Basically I cannot find enjoyment with anything anymore. I recently moved back from Melbourne where I was a furniture maker and in the coffee industry and was dealing and maintaining my depression and anxiety which I had been diagnosed with in 2012 with tablets. But I went through numerous tablets and basically came to the conclusion the numbness I felt from the tablets was inhibiting my creativity and was worse than how I was feeling. so I took myself off them and for 6 months I was very up and down but I was creative again and had drive. Until I ultimately crashed and became very irrational and basically couldn't handle 'being here anymore'.
So I moved back in with my parents to seek help through medication and be in a relaxing environment but all I am feeling is nothing again, this is my 5 shot at a different medication and I feel numb, the idea of exercise to help combat the negative feelings is so hard when I truly don't enjoy anything. Running/shooting hoops/surfing has become almost painfully unenjoyable.
I don't have a lot of friends and my girlfriend is my biggest supporter but basically I just feel alone, I've tried turning off social media as it makes me feel more and more isolated. Also all I ever want to do it sleep, every afternoon I lay down and snooze or in the morning before work I wake up and I just cannot get up. I feel like I have no reason too
im struggling with my coping because there's this feeling that I can only describe as a big thick wall that's just so full of negativity and blackness that is stopping this little slither of myself trying to fight back to get better and it's just this unbreakable force.
