well it can't continue like this/Well how long do you want off work

[Mr nobody]

I've had mental issues back last year when everything got so so overwhelming. My partner was/is still currently working overseas and I was what felt like in a deep black hole. I felt like I was loosing my sanity. Short story is that whilst seriously considering finishing everything and thankfully having the CAT team come out and guide me through the most overwhelming negative attitude I could ever imagine I managed to find my way through. My partner in that period came back for several days and left again. I'm put on medication which was quite confronting dealing with not being able to think and just fuzzing through every day for a number of months. Sure the thoughts went away but there seemed like no thoughts going through my mind. I finished up weaning my way off it with a number of side effects mid year.

Fast forward a few months and I've just come back from a trip to see my Partner overseas and my mind starts to go into a downward spin again. I fought and fought these massively negative, hopeless feelings yet again. I fell into not leaving home instead of going to the gym and I started making more mistakes at work (been there 8 years). Things just started going bad to worse, hardly eating, not wanting to go out and last week finished up with the flu and had the week off to recover. Over the weekend I nosedived again, deeper into the abyss. That dirty disgusting black hole game up for another bite of me.  I tried to act normal but felt absolutely gutted that this was now coming back. I didn't want to tell my partner as he has enough to deal with overseas. Today I went into work and sat at my desk and started crying. I'm a man of 48 years and don't cry very easily at all. I went over and said to my senior that I needed to leave and was not fit to be in at work and would need some time away. I said that I'd call my Team Leader once I got home.

I called my doctors and have been told I can't get into see him until tomorrow. I've rang my Team Leader back and tried to explain the situation and asked if I can have some time off. I even said I would take annual or Long Service Leave. Her response was, well how long do you think you want off? I'm just dumbfounded at this. She said we'll see what your doctor says tomorrow. My partner was, ok well I'll have to try and get a transfer back to the city we live in, it can't continue like this. It was dismissive in both counts and I feel more depressed that no one seems to give a stuff about this black hole I'm in.

[white knight]

HI Mr N, welcome

You might need to absorb the following words.

Often when we are unwell we easily can misinterpret others expressions.

From how you described it, your team leader was asking the questions he/she needed to ask in order to gather information. This information, how long you'll likely need off work is critical for him/her to plan her day and the days/weeks/months ahead with staff numbers. Perhaps it was asked in a negative tone, perhaps you were over sensitive. Perhaps, perhaps....

You have annual leave/long service leave available. Take it. We often underestimate the seriousness of "that black hole" and try to fight our way through when in fact, according to the latest information we should ALLOW ourselves to let the cycle go through its course or we could prolong things.

You might recover within a few weeks even days. But you need to take things easily. Sunbake, read books, learn about your condition more. And one final thing-

Don't be afraid of radical steps. I wrote and article here called "if all else fails what can you do- be radical". It depicts that your comfort zone can be an enemy. So many years in the one job (as you have long service leave) could be an anchor to your happiness. Maybe too long in one home or too long without a relaxing time away. Whatever your issues you might need to revamp your life to include change. Change to spark, rejuvenate your mind.

Sometimes we need that change.

That's from a view of someone like me that has used self help in many ways. See what your Dr has to say and don't be afraid of the future. You just need to examine ways to manage it.

Tony WK

[White_Rose]

Dear Mr N

Hello and welcome. I was about to reply when I saw Tony's response. He has said much the same as I intended to say. It really does not sound as though your team leader was being dismissive. I thought it was a very positive response to ask how long you needed off. I am presuming you have depression and the Black Dog has been nipping at your heels and barking so loud you cannot hear yourself think, much less hear what others are saying.

Your doctor will be able to help you I'm certain. I must ask, why did you take yourself off medication? Most people struggle with taking medication for mental illness, I know I did. But please give it a chance to work. If you experience side effects that you cannot tolerate, then visit your GP and get the medication changed. It's not necessarily a life sentence as many people take medication for a couple of years only.

Your partner's offer to return home sounds great. Obviously he was sufficiently concerned to want to be with you. Don't knock it. What a great gesture of support. And maybe that will help you recover. Being on your own and very lonely can certainly trigger depression.

I burst into tears at work one day and I was much older than 48. So you are not alone in that. A colleague took me to a doctor and that was the start of my journey towards mental health. Tony has listed some ideas of managing your illness. I suggest you think of other activities that you enjoy, even if you no longer do them. Staying in bed sounds a good idea but is counter productive.

Let us know how your doctor's appointment went.

Mary

[Mr nobody]

Thank you to White Knight and Mary for your replies. It's been a tumultuous 24 hours. I've gone through some extreme emotions. Cried myself to sleep eventually but then only had probably 2 hours sleep last night.

In reference to my Team Leader, no, it was an insensitive tone in which she responded and totally unnecessary. My partner has now decided that he wants to stay overseas as he is currently on a "very important project" This just makes me even more rejected. He rang me this morning and in his words says that "you just have to look after yourself whilst I'm not there".

I've been to the doctor today who has said that I am certainly depressed, and have some anxiety as well. He has told me to seek some help and given me a few names to see. I also have the option of seeing the organization which helps our company in terms of this type of illness. It's going to be a huge decision to sit down and talk to someone about this for me. It was painful talking to the doctor about it, in fact I actually went to leave the waiting room at one stage because I was in such a state. So talking to someone else for a period of time, at this present time seems like a huge bridge so so far....

My doctor hasn't prescribed me anything at this point in time(to my surprise), but I have to go back on Friday and we will have a further chat about how I am travelling. He mentioned he wouldn't mind placing me back on the same medication I was on previously but I'm loathe to go back on that.

At the moment I don't want to go outside, my apartment is my fortress. I've left a message with my Team Leader today as she wasn't at her desk. Thank god for that as I am so distressed in even thinking of speaking to her at the moment that it sends me into absolute panic.

I can't even explain how totally inadequate I feel at the moment. I'm just so so sad, I'm negative. One thing that is keeping me going. Is my beautiful little dog. He doesn't judge, he's so loyal. Thank god for him.

[white knight]

Hi again Mr Nobody,

Seems your doctor might be thinking that a few days in your life can change your medical condition a lot. And that seems clear, as even 24 hours is a long time for you with heaps of events.

Worrying about things will only cause more harm to you. Enjoy your dog, they are irreplaceable.

I have a theory on team leader or supervisors. I used to, when young, see them as someone to honour and respect. And while that is sometimes the case, often nowadays they are merely untrained or undertrained employees at the lowest level. That doesn't make them educated with mental health nor physical health....even go as far to say they aren't trained much at all.

And their actions or tome of voice is not what is ideal, or ideal as to what their manager would like. So if this occurred to me, that my team leader gave me that tone of voice I would immediately ring the manager/CEO and tell him your predicament and at the end of it I would say "I told my team leader but she obviously isn't trained in how to talk to someone under such severe stress so that's why I've rang you and I thank you for a better more understanding approach."

Baby steps at this stage with every thing you do. Venture outside to the nearby shops and just browse. 10 minutes is enough.

In reference to your partner, do everything your heart tells you. If he sounds less supportive than you require then it isn't going the way it needs to go. For the time being your health is more important.

Tony WK