New start and new approach to this year

[HamSolo01]

The last time I made a post in these forums was in 2017. Back then I was probably in the darkest moment of my life since I can remember. I thought that I was beyond help and there was no hope for me going forward.

Here I am in 2021 and I have a job (even though I want to leave to something else), been on a couple of dates, travelled, finished my degree and also made some new friends. I guess these days my woes are different. I've spent a lot of time looking into my past and trying to see if I can get an explanation or reveal some home truths about myself and my experiences.

I have spent time in a psych ward, I've been on differing meds, I've spoken to psychologists and psychiatrists. I've spent some time with mental health charities working with them.

These days I want some new challenges and new things in life - it's hard. I have desires to get a new job and to also go back and study again.

Today has been a quiet australia day - I would've liked to have done something social but that's been hard because i have lost some friends, struggled to make new ones, but on balance I have been trying to re establish contact with other friends from the past.

I dunno what I want in life and I have more questions than answers. But I guess I am here still

I will see my psychologist soon for the first session of the year now that I have a new Mental health care plan.

I am trying to do my best and I get the feeling that it isn't enough maybe.

Yesterday I was very depressed. It's a hard time. That's all. 😕

[HamSolo01]

Is anyone around?

I am really not great at the moment

[Sophie_M]

Hi HamSolo01,

Sorry to hear that you are not feeling too well at the moment.  The following supports are available to you in times like these.

- Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). 
- MensLine Australia - 1300 78 99 78 or https://mensline.org.au/ they are a free 24/7 telephone and online counselling service. 
- Beyond Blue Support Service are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 

Please use the supports when you need them. You are not alone and do not have to deal with anything alone.
 

[Guest_4643]

Hi Hams. I'm around, but I have a Psychologist appointment tonight. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you feel better. I'm here for you

[CalmCat]

Hi HamSolo01,

How are you feeling?

Did you call one of the lines that Sophie M suggested?

Regards,

CC

[ecomama]

Hey Hams

What's going on big fella?

We're ALL here for you, to support you with whatever is going on and to be your own personal CHEER SQUAD.

Please phone a helpline any time you need to or want to.
They are there to HELP us all and can be a brilliant source of support.

If you have a thang about "Mondays" we can talk about that, if you're in a funk we can talk about that too!
Thinking of you
EMxxxx

[HamSolo01]

Hi all

Thanks for dropping by

Today was hard. I work in a very toxic workplace with gossip and nepotism. I do the most basic work that is beneath me. There i said it.

I want this other job I interviewed for. If I don't get it then I am worried my mental health with be affected.

I had to drop a subject at uni because I'm not coping with 2. Its too hard for my mind to cope with. I'm more of a written word person but there are no jobs in the field that pay well are not overly political. But that said I have a small interest in IT which is what I am studying. Even just 1 subject is enough at the moment.

I keep feeling like a waste and a failure.

I will probably call time on dating very soon. Its so fake and I am not well and hate my job and situation

I so want things to change.

I am safe

[Guest_4643]

Hi Hams, I'm glad you're safe. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you can leave your toxic workplace and recover from it. I'm sorry you're dealing with that.

[HamSolo01]

Hey Tay

Thank you my friend

I hope so too. IT is interesting to me but it is an intense study load and not something I am used to. That is my backup.

I am also waiting on an internship I applied to. Idk why they haven't gotten back yet. My mum reckons because of Easter. But I think I haven't gotten it and have missed out as their site says it starts this week but idk.

I hate the uncertainty and its playing on my mind too much.

Anyway.

More waiting. Sucks tbh but I can't do anything. Have to move on an act like nothing changes.

I have uni assignments to work on

Good toss see you Tay

[ecomama]

Hey Hams

It's great you dropped a subject and brought your studies to a more manageable level.

Studying while working FT is a challenge for sure, not impossible, but bringing it to "manageable" is sensible.

It's probably a good idea to put a halt on dating.
If we're not feeling good within ourselves, we usually attract ppl who aren't good for us.

When you get stronger, you'll feel better about the whole dating scene and be able to handle rejection as a THANKYOU rather than a slight upon yourself.

Seems like your emotive side is winning over your rational side atm... I had to have a convo with one of my sons when he felt this way about his work... not sure if you can relate... just a short description...
~ son was grumbly about going to "do menial work below him"
~ his demeanour carried into the workplace
~ so basically the bosses KEPT him there and hired him less than his multiple birth siblings... (there was NO chance of promotion the way he was I could see)
~ we had a THOROUGH talk about HOW his bosses would be seeing him aka there's no entitlement for anyone in the workplace
~ he had to SHOW he was worthy of promotion, extra training by being an exemplary rep for the company...

It worked.

He's focussing MORE on his studies than work but WHEN he works, he's a model employee now and has been offered extra training at work now too.

So YES putting on a FRONT for work is what most of us need to do.
This is our "professional side".
DRESSING for the role you WANT is all part of it (no matter what anyone says).
Behaving as though you can handle whatever is thrown your way with EASE and compliance is all part of demonstrating to your supervisors that you can do the next level.

Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" was a BRILLIANT read for me when I was starting out in my career... employing what he said saw me being promoted 3 times in 18 months to a Federal level.
It's ALL in there!

Just sayin' - hope this helps!

Love EM

[Guest_4643]

Hi Hams. I hope you feel better.