Needing help.

[luke95]

Needing some advise and a bit of support.

im 28 years old who holds a relatively stable job and stable household with my mum and grandma.

12 months ago I starting dating again after splitting with my fiancé whom we were together for 6 years. We had built a house and both working stable jobs, to find out she was being deceitful and borderline cheating on me with a girl. Since then coming out as gay. We split, sold the house and left on amicable terms. I began dating a new girl 12 months ago who still had a close friendship with her ex-boyfriend. After many attempts to steer her from contact with her ex, she was still partially attached, lied and said some things to him that indicated she missed him. Since that point about 9 months ago there has been multiple attempts to forgive and build trust walls but happened on another 3 occasions of being lied too. I don’t have many friends and can come across as stubborn and it has started to really hurt my mental health over the last few months coming to this realisation. We have what you would call split but am attempting to still talk however her behaviour is extremely shady and never getting the full picture. I struggle lots with self confidence and am easily put down by the thought of being lied to or cheated on by her with all these “friends” she has. It has got to the point where I have began to self harm to feel some sort of feeling that isn’t that. I just want a friend. Someone that I can talk to about this. I have tried to start swimming and get into routine like making my bed and getting to work far earlier then I need to but my mind is in pieces trying to get better. It’s becoming very tough. All I need is a friend.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time, and I appreciate you reaching out and sharing your experiences. It sounds like you've been through a lot in the past year, with the breakup of your engagement and the complexities of your recent relationship.

I noticed you mentioned that you've tried to make positive changes in your life, like starting swimming and creating daily routines, which is a commendable effort. Have you considered seeking support from a therapist or counselor to help you navigate these difficult emotions and thoughts? (You also mentioned self-harm here. And Beyond Blue also has some pages on this topic to help you as well.)

I hear you when you say that you just want a friend to talk to. Loneliness can be incredibly isolating, and it's important to have someone to confide in during tough times. Is there anyone in your life, perhaps a family member or a coworker, whom you could reach out to for support? There might also be local groups or communities that align with your interests or experiences?

Please remember that you're not alone, and there are people who care about your well-being. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to want a friend - we all do really.

[luke95]

Thank you @smallwolf

I have reached out to some of friends foremost about my challenges, who have always given me support in means of conversation or just generally giving the supportive words etc. They are all off being busy with their own lives, and I respect that and commend them for that too. My mum has been an extremely important person to me dealing with my challenges. She also went through similar stuff with my dad about 13 years ago who no longer exists in my life, nor any one else’s so she understands the pain I have been going through. 
I do want to seek support further through an industry professional, but am a bit challenged to know where to start. I did initially have a consultation with my GP and prescribed me with mild antidepressants which honestly is a bandaid fix for a larger problem. 
I think I will return to a GP and go from there. I know they want blood tests etc and that’s fine. I’m also challenged with being able to discretely organise these consultations because I work a 10 hour day through the week that makes it challenging to organise and keep to myself. Like I disappear for an hour people ask questions and I really don’t want to be talked about like that amongst my peers. I’m good at bottling this up. But yes I need to make a plan. Thank you for being a set of ears. 

[smallwolf]

Quite a bit you mentioned there (all good!) so figuring what to respond to 🙂

firstly... disappearing for a hour could prove problematic, but if you had to go to the dentist, or collect kids from school or similar what happens then. Or you could say it was "family matters". Perhaps the preferred way would be to get leave for a day, and get those tasks done. That would give you the space to see the GP (day off) and not be talked about.

blood tests... when things went bad for me (initially) my GP also wanted me to do a lot of different blood tests as well. I did these. As a result found out some things and getting addressed - I have haemochromatosis.

where to start ... here is the abridged version of my story ... I saw GP (long consult) and she wanted me to see psychologist for 2nd opinion. That's my interpretation. A couple of weeks later, I saw the psychologist (I had NO mental health plan MHP) and at the end of the 1st session was told to go back to GP to get a MHP.  I did that as well. That was about 5 years ago. Today I have both a psychiatrist and psychologist. After a short while thing got a little worse and that was when the psychiatrist was added - one for medication and one for the head (talk therapy). It also took a short while to work out what medication and dosage I needed. And finally, once I got to know both of them it became easier. 

There is obviously a lot more I could say about the first sessions with the GP, psychologist and psychiatrist. If there was only one thing I could say is that they do want to help you. (That at least has been my experience.)