Navigating Deep Depression, Agoraphobia & Deteriorating Health

[Ponder]

My purpose in creating this thread is to discover a safe space where I can freely express my inner struggles, while also seeking ways to alleviate the ongoing psychological and physical distress I experience. This perspective may resonate more with individuals who tend to retreat in response to extroverted expressions. However, I wholeheartedly welcome those who can relate to such profound emotions.

My primary intention is not merely seeking sympathy or commiseration; instead, my goal is to uplift myself from the deep hole I currently find myself in. My struggles with morbid obesity and experiencing signs of a looming heart attack have been daunting. I even had a mild one before, but I resisted seeking medical help due to feeling misunderstood. Being reduced to just a panic disorder in the community's eyes, with multiple diagnoses, hasn't been beneficial for me, and it only adds to my depression.

Today's industry and its clinical approaches haven't resonated with me, as I've operated differently for many decades. I prefer not to adhere to any particular narrative or advocate specific ways of survival in this confining world. My aim isn't to tell others what to do, but rather to explore and influence my own path. Perhaps, this thread will serve as an outlet for this purpose if it endures, or if I choose to continue sharing.

Lately, the cycles of despair have been getting longer, and I find myself wrestling with a tight chest every night, both psychologically and physically deteriorating. Despite having plenty of support, I struggle to find conventional methods that truly resonate with me.

I hope to write about the various strategies I plan to adopt, as I embark on the journey to overcome this latest extreme cycle. At times, even simple tasks like mowing my own front lawn feel challenging, and I no longer concern myself with the notions of right or wrong. Perhaps, the government could provide assistance, but I fear it might only lead to further disempowerment or unwanted confrontations.
Admittedly, I write better in the mornings, and I am uncertain if this format suits me well. Nevertheless, this seems to be my only outlet to reach out and express myself.

[yggdrasil]

Hi Ponder, 

Apologies for the slow reply, I'm in the final months of my PhD and that is taking up all my writing stamina. I'm glad you got your views out there about the system and your experiences of it. First hand reports from end-users are vital for improvement. I'm also glad you've found a more regular platform 🙂 Wishing you the best over the coming months 🙂

[Ponder]

Thanks  yggdrasil, It was a pleasant surprise to see you pop up in my email. I'm 47 days into living clean after a recent heart attack at home. I've lost 14 to 15kg in that time, which included a 5 day water fast to reset my body. I'm logging in daily on another mental health forum that has a more suitable work flow for the likes of me.  I do so hope you are doing well and also wishing you very very best.  🙂