Hi all, i am new to this forum but am feeling tonight like I really needed to get some answers or some insight as to how I have been feeling.... I dont know if its depression... or not.. or anxiety... or not...I guess I have a bit if a long story but... I just feel empty all the time, I feel like i am not good at anything I attempt and then I feel like a failure when I think i should try something else to see if I am better at that ( I am talking about my job here) I am 27 and have pretty much started a new job every 1.5 to 2 years changing careers or changing companies, It seems like when the pressure gets too much I look for something else. I am not a lazy worker by any means i am more of a perfectionist if anything and i put alot of pressure on myself... i always have in everything i do. I am currently working for a man whos way of working involves putting alot of pressure on me and expects overtime to be worked to pretty much keep your job (its very wrong I know) he likes to pick at things and put you on the spot, i feel nervous as soon as I hear him walk in the door and feel giddy in the head sometimes at work when I know he is there and my heart races. ..... I feel the answer is to get another job but then i feel like a failure, like i am giving up when the times get tough once again.... I have a partner who I have been with for 8 years. He says he supports me and wants me to get another job but then tonight when I was discussing how I was feeling down because I have to go to work tomorrow he snapped at me and said it was so annoying talking about this all the time, that all I talk about is my boss and that I should be positive. My partner works away and I dont see him for 4 weeks at a time so we only talk on the phone... as soon as the conversation was over i burst into tears and cried for about 30mins... I just feel really unsupported i think.
.... i lost my mum 5 years ago to breast cancer and I dont have her to speak to about alot of things i guess which makes venting harder.. my partner cops alot of my down times.... on top of all the work stress I am constantly thinking i am going to get breast cancer and cant get it out of my head.
I dont have feelings of suicide or anything but I just feel like... I am .... useless... worthless... and now... annoying. I feel like ok, I cant talk to my partner about feeling down anymore because its annoying him... i dont know what else I have to talk about..... I dont know what makes me happy besides my dog... I know I have family and friends but its hard to see past the things that get me down most of the time.
As I mentioned earlier my partner works away and you would think I would jump all over him the second I see him but I have lost interest in being intimate and am tired most of the time... I spent most of my long weekend lying on the lounge in and out of naps....
I dont know maybe I am just in a rut.... but I just wanted to see if anyone else can relate to this or if I am just being dramatic.
I am feeling a little lost now I dont feel I can talk to my partner... Sorry for this very LONG post but i needed to get this out.
Hope someone can help!
