My Life Feels Pointless

[MermaidLady23]

I don't know if anyone will read this or respond. This is my first post on here. If anyone here is reading I just want to say thank you.

I've been struggling a lot with depression, anxiety and feeling worthless for a while now. Especially around this time of year. I'm 22-Years-Old and for nearly three years I've been working part-time in retail and hospitality. Prior to that I was unemployed for a long time and it hit me really bad with my self-worth. I'm grateful to be working the last couple years now but I still struggle a great deal.

At age 22 I expected to have my life stable and to be a fully independent individual. I see all over social media people I graduated high school with four years ago now getting engaged, moving out, travelling and finishing college. Meanwhile, I'm working part-time, still living at home, still on my L's, though I've done over 70 hours driving now and I'm.going to be sitting my drivers test this year. I'm only just managing to get by and to save for a car, I dropped out of university when I was 19 due to not knowing what I wanted and being unable to cope. I did a Certificate III in Aged Care in 2018 and completed it but I feel I even struggled with that and I'm scared to go in to a new field of work. I love to help others and make people happy but I feel like I'll mess up as I had a hard time with everything.

I am also lonely, try as I might to seem upbeat and happy I have no close friends. I blame myself for my past in being not the most positive person to be around. I understand my flaws and people's reasoning to maybe why they don't speak to me. That bring sad I've also been deserted many times by friends, can't open up to family and my psychologist I can't see until the end of the month.

I want to go to college again someday but my mind isn't ready and I'm struggling mentally. I suffer from BPD, anxiety and depression. I feel like a failure and like I live a vicious cycle with mental health, always coming back to feeling like this no matter how much I try. I take antideppressants, recently started going to the gym and I still feel horrible. I'm ashamed for not going to uni or having my life together either. Am I alone in this? Will it always be like this? Am I a failure and stupid like I tell myself? I just needed to vent.

Thank you for reading this far.

[geoff]

Hello MermaidLady, can I welcome you to the forums where I hope others will also reply back to you.

You are by no means a failure or stupid, actually, I think you've done pretty well, you can't compare yourself to what others are doing, maybe there have had some luck, and just because they're in a relationship, getting married, doing well at uni or in a better job is nothing to what you've done.

You are struggling with depression that's why you 'keep coming back to it', there are trigger points which you might know but don't know how to handle them or cope with them, these are negative thoughts, which you keep thinking about.

Ask your doctor about the mental health plan, this entitles you to Medicare rebates for up to 10 sessions.

Well done for getting your Certificate III in Aged Care, try and get your licence and look around for another job, you're experienced in two big different job opportunities in retail and hospitality and these can take you anywhere you want.

Your mind isn't ready for going back to uni because you're depressed and need to go back to your doctor and have the antidepressants (AD) reviewed and this should be done regularly if they're not working and then ask to be referred to a psychologist.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[jburrows]

Hi there Mermaid. I totally understand what you're saying. The problem with mental illnesses is that it seems we're always trying to push people away. I almost wonder if it's a twisted survival mechanism so that we don't have to get too close to people and feel more pain than we currently do?
Contrary to this though, you must find people to spend some time with. Doesn't matter what; just a walk or movies or whatever. Something I've discovered though is that people don't know that people like us need them to take the initiative sometimes, because it's just too hard otherwise. When you're feeling good, try and message someone close to you, or a few people, and develop an action plan for yourself when you're feeling really down. Even just one word that you can message to them and they'll be there to take you out, or whatever it is you need.

You won't be like this forever, but it may come and go. But you know the coolest thing I see out of all of this? Not only do you like to make people happy but you already have a qualification in Aged Care! Not only do you already have a skill set, but it's actually one of THE most sort after skills in industry today! That's awesome that you've got such a great potential for job security, and something that's literally going to change people's lives. Not just your patients, but their families as well.
Plus you've got your drivers test booked already right? That'll give you SO much more freedom, not just for work, but for your soul as well.
You've got great potential to make a difference in this world, even if it's only small. The path ahead of you is always going to have obstacles in it, but overcoming those is what builds resilience and makes you a stronger person to then lift up those around you when you get better.
Would love to hear more from you 🙂