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- My depression...a nautical metaphor...
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My depression...a nautical metaphor...
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My councellor once asked me to describe my depression, and how my medication was working...after a bit of thought, I said...
It's like I'm in the middle of the ocean, drowning. When I'm taking the antidepressants, it's like having a life preserver, it keeps my head above water...but I'm still in the middle of the ocean.
I get pretty philosophical at 2 in the morning... I feel like there is no point, that there is a void, an emptiness inside me, inside everyone. Some people fill it with work, with family, with religion, money, cars, drugs, alcohol, an immaculate lawn, extreme sports, exploration, or whatever...Sadly, none of those work for me.
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Apparently there is a 500 word limit, so I'll be replying to myself a bit while I get my thoughts in order...
I am 50. I have nothing to show for it. I wander from job to job, unable to find an occupation or employer worth sticking with. I travelled briefly in my youth, but I barely remember it. I have a house...that was subject to a termite infestation, and is now worthless. I live in a fairly quiet rural town. Several times we have begun to start our own business, only to have the council refuse us...and days or weeks later, have someone related to a councillor get approved to start that exact same business. But proving it...
This place has drained us of our life and enthusiasm. The very thought of moving back to the city was enough to lift our depression...for a week or two, before reality set in and we relised we cannot afford rent or house prices back there...
This feels like a very deep hole...