My constant battle with depression.

thestruggle · ‎10-04-2016

Hi. This is my first post, I normally call support services or seek advice from my GP but today someone thought it may benefit me to join the forums. I have suffered with depression since the start of highschool. I'm 24 now and I feel well over half of my days are a real struggle. I find it hard to get excited about anything, nothing really gives me much pleasure and sometimes when it is really bad; I feel trapped and so alone. Stress is a real trigger for me. I feel incapable most of the time to help or look after myself. I don't have many friends and I feel that I am a constant burden on my family. I haven't felt "right" for a long time and I struggle to eat most days. I'm not sure how detailed I should get here, I don't see much point in typing out all of my personal issues or problems just yet. I just thought I should try to make contact with people who are also struggling with day to day life and maybe for once not feel so alone. Thanks for reading.

Clues_Of_Blue · ‎29-04-2016

Glad I could give you a chuckle, Nick. Seems I was in an oddly whimsical mood when I wrote that. That said, I do think humour is a hugely important thing in coping with depression. It's not unlike a warzone, albeit in your own mind, so I have a bit of a Hawkeye (from M.A.S.H.) perspective; i.e. find the funny in a situation that just ain't.

What you've said doesn't sound materialistic at all. We all need to have a space that feels like it's ours, and there are some material things required for that. I know exactly how you feel about it, having recently parted ways with someone I owned my house with. I needed things that were mine and showed who lived there, and made the place different. Before I got them I was waking up each day seeing everything just like it was, and that wasn't healthy. I have new bedroom furniture and even new curtains, which make the room feel completely different, and it's great. I'm glad you've got the things you need to get comfortable in your home, and I hope Telstra don't take too long with your line (and it's good you're reminded of something funny, though I'm afraid I haven't really watched and Kath and Kim to get the reference).

I'm glad you're talking about your progress and recognising it for what it is. It's so important to acknowledge your achievements along the way, and sharing them reinforces that (and feels pretty darn good). For my part, I've been having a bit of a rough patch lately and I got a decent boost from reading your post just now and remembering the equivalent moment in my own life, when I had one of my first real breakthroughs, and the relief and momentary peace that came with it. Thank you for that.

blondguy · ‎29-04-2016

Hi Nick....You are right..there has been some kind advice and support...nice. It is great that you have been finding some gentle occupation in setting up your new place.Something you said just caught my eye..."I think that a home environment you feel 100% comfortable in is really important for people who suffer with depression" This is a very important point and well said.

Nice1 Nick 🙂

My Kind thoughts

Paul

thestruggle · ‎29-04-2016

Horrible day. I feel sick a lot of the time, not being able to eat before I go to work makes it even worse. I'll try see my doctor again soon when I have some time off. I need to see a psychologist, a counselor... anyone. Life has it's up and downs... but mine are drastic in my opinion. I don't really cope with added stress whether it is big or small. My boss is a cow, she has her own issues to deal with at the moment. Her negative attitude and outright alcoholism just fuels my depression. I wish I could just quit and find a new job but it is too hard at the moment. I spoke to someone on the phone today from BB and she said I need to get myself better before I do something drastic like that. I know leaving work isn't the right thing to do, but it is hard when it gets you down so much. Here's hoping I survive tomorrow. FML. Sorry for the rant. I hope you are all better than I am.

James75 · ‎29-04-2016

Oooh that's not good this person is adding to your depression do you have someone at work to talk about it maybe ring up Work choices about this bully youll find they will act on it you need to protect your self

James

Fridayonmymind · ‎01-05-2016

Well I just read the whole thread and can see how helpful everyone is so well done all.

im typing on phone so won't be too long - I have had a bad weekend started by drinking too much Friday night and spending too much money. I suffer from depression, lack confidence and have self doubt which alcohol can help take away. I have been battling since I was 18 and had some tough teen years at school with anxiety.

some posts really resonated - self acceptance is something that I can struggle with. But it is the key to moving forward with your life.

all the best nick - keeping pushing a positive vibe and making the most out of each day

Bobbi · ‎02-05-2016

Hi thestruggle, I was just reading your post because I'm having a difficult time with depression at the moment too. It's so difficult to motivate myself to do anything, even to have a shower and get dressed for the day. I've had depression for many years now so I know the signs.

In my humble opinion, (and not knowing if you have done this or not) it helps to educate ourselves on depression. There is a very good lecture on youtube from Stamford University on depression. It's in easy to understand language and is very interesting. There is the BB website too which has a lot of important information about depression as well. Reading or listening to information helps educate us and helps us understand why it is we're going through what we are. It can take the panic and guilt we feel so often.

Depression is more than a feeling. It is chemical reactions in our brains going wrong. Even though we have this special category for mental disorders, depression is a physical disorder. Our brains are part of our bodies. It is a very physical thing happening to us. So as much as it affects how we feel, its like the pain of a broken leg, or a pancreas not working and we call it diabetes.

The neurology researchers have learned many things about the brain in the last 20 or so years. There is still much to learn about how the brain works and the different chemicals/hormones in our brains.

By now, I would think you understand that depression is a disorder that comes and goes and comes back again. It can be very difficult to cope with the cycle. But even knowing that it comes and goes can help us identify what we can do.

I'm not sure if this helps at all but one of the many things that has helped me is reminding myself that when the depression is active, its ok. I understand my brain is doing its thing and I have very little I can do to change my own brain chemistry. So its out with the tools I have learned (many of them posted on BB by others).

The 3 most important ones have been being nice to myself in whatever way I can, getting enough sleep and exercise, and setting one or 2 goals for the days that the depression is affecting me. I continue to do these things regardless how long the depression goes on for.

It does eventually go away for a time.

I hope you are having a comfortable day.

thestruggle · ‎02-05-2016

Thanks guys for your posts. It's great to see new people reading and posting too. I'm alright at the moment, just some mild anxiety. I fell quite sick again for a few days. I'm off to see GP again soon to get myself a referral to see another psychologist. I've pretty much gotten to the point where I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and make the change - big and small. I need to improve my diet, add some exercise and see someone regularly to keep myself in check. I'm learning a lot about how to cope through reading your responses and I really appreciate the effort to post. It is good to know that we are all in this together and not alone, even though at times it may feel that way. Stay strong everyone. Nick.

Clues_Of_Blue · ‎02-05-2016

It's good that you're doing a bit better and taking active steps. I know how something like getting sick can set you back. A bit of a stomach upset set off a cycle that threw a lot of my coping mechanisms out the window recently (diet goes, it stuffs up sleep, need more food, can't eat properly, too hungry to sleep, etc.) and it's damn hard to get back on track. I'm glad you're seeing your GP again, he/she can likely help you with advice on making sustainable changes to your sleeping and eating habits as well as referring you to a psychologist. So many of us have been where you are, and have our moments of slipping back into it. You're definitely not alone.

I've found things like frozen fish and those little Steam Fresh bags of veggies really handy for the days when I just don't have it in me to cook and want something that seems a bit more substantial than the average frozen dinner (i.e. more than the 5 grams of meat they give you that's heavily processed anyway). Or fresh ravioli and a jar of sauce, that takes about 10 minutes, in one pot. I make sure I have breakfast every day, too, which makes a big difference. Half a cup of quick oats, three quarters of a cup of water, two mins in the microwave and there's porridge done (I get the oats in a bowl the night before and sit a cup on top, ready for the morning). Getting on top of eating is a significant milestone in itself, and having a few quick fixes for the bad days really helps.

Billyhad · ‎08-05-2016

Hi Nick.

Hope you are doing well.

I just want you to keep in mind that leaving your job, IMO is not the right thing to do. Sometimes when we feel down and depressed we get so frustrated that we need to blame something or someone. Usually the first thing in the firing line is our jobs. We tend to channel our anger and frustration towards our jobs.

Secondly, i want to try to make you aware that narcissists exist. These are people who are often more damaged than us but instead of turning the shame and inadequacies back on themelves, like we do, they quite often turn their shames and inadequacies out onto others. They dump all their shame, anger , frustrations etc.... onto people like us who are accomodators. Our default position is to accomodate to peoples needs. We NEED to be aware of these people. These people dont empathise with others and usually think about themselves and themselves only. So when your boss yells, screams, puts you down etc..... Thats usually a sign that she is feeling shamed or inadequate at that moment. Once you are aware of this then you get to a point where you actually laugh it off and say to yourself that

"i am aware of what is happening here. She is not feeling the best at this time. She is trying to dump her shit on me"

Once you know something, you can never unknow it.

Also i want to say that exercise and eating right may help the feeling of depression but depression is an emotion felt. You cannot fix depression through your physical self. You can help the physical reactions to the emotions but you need to work on your emotions.

I read that you said you need to see a psychologist or councellor. I would strongly recommend a psychotherapist. I have found that they deal with the emotions on a more deeper level, uprooting the deep suppressed emotions.

Lastly i would like to you to read up on narcissists. Please get to know who they are and what they are about. It could be a eye opener.

All the best to all

Billy.