Moving forward

[Jetty75]

G'day folks 

Well I've signed up to something and it's the first time I have actually expressed my feeling. 

Living the good life we were until my beautiful wife is diagnosed with cancer.  Years pass , we beat it , it returns and takes her life in 2019 3 days after Xmas... from that morning my lights all turned off. Left with mortgage,  etc and a beautiful then little 5 yr old daughter. 

I prayed a few times to be dug next to my wife. Life's hard right,  it's just so hard . We had it all ... and it was taken , in the prime of our lives .. I mean how's a then 44 yr old bloke suppose to handle all this,  let alone a little 5 yr old. Almost 3 yrs has past and I'm still stuck,  I have a sole trader business that suits my life with school Drop off and pick up . But it isn't consistent so I started looking for work. But trying to find something to suit our life is impossible and that pays well so we can live ! 

Has anyone been through this ? I've just has the worse 2 weeks with zero income. Trying to build it up but my mind just goes blank and I almost give up. 

I use to have a saying ' I wouldn't wish this on anyone.'. But you know what I do wish it because I've had enough,  why did it happen to us. Life was good we f-ing beat it once why would it come back . Why us !!! 

People keep saying I'm doing a great job with my child , but am I? I don't know if I am. I have no choice apparently but to wake each day and look after her. Why do I am times wish I wasn't here ? 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Jetty75, 

Thank you for sharing this and for speaking about it for the first time. We are incredibly sorry for your loss. We hope there is some comfort in the kind words of our community here, some of whom may be able to relate to some of what you’re going through.

It sounds like you're an incredibly supportive parent, and we can hear how much you care for your child. At the same time, it’s important to remember that you need support too through this.

Our lovely friends at Griefline are available 6am-midnight AEDT every day on 1300 845 745. They offer confidential counselling support, free of charge, to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer you some support but can also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you might find beneficial.  

Please also know that the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service are always available to talk through these feelings on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 24/7. 

We hope that you find some comfort here from our wonderful community, and please feel free to keep us updated on how you're going, whenever you feel ready. This community is here for you, anytime.  

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[ecomama]

Hey Jetty, warm welcome to the forums. 

Firstly my deep compassion goes out to you on the passing of your dear wife, life partner and mum to your sweet little daughter. 

Yes, there are others here that have experienced similar losses. 
My past losses are not identical but my fiance's are. He was 44 and his wife was 40yo when she passed. 
He probably lost it quite a lot... but held on. 

Last night he went to a Concert to see Elton John in Seattle with his beautiful grown daughter and her husband. They had a FANTASTIC night.... just saying, there's joy to come for you. It may come in tiny sparks here and there for now, with your healing, more joy will come. 

Yes 100% you are doing a great job with your daughter, you're present and caring for her. 

Congratulations on making it through the past 3 years. You can now give yourself a Permission Slip to do whatever your impulses for joy take you. Listen, follow. 

On a more earthly, financial level, have you contacted Centrelink to get linked in with their financial supports for single parents? 
You can and hopefully these payments can get you through the rough times. 

I'm not sure which state you live in? Here in NSW we can access all sorts of "Vouchers" for families to help out with Sports (including dancing lessons) costs. 

How are you doing today? 
Love EM