Minor Set-back

Suffering_Anxiety_Samanth · ‎28-06-2014

I never really know how to start these, but I find writing how I'm feeling on here generally helps. Diagnosed Anxiety, O.C.D and Depression, so I'm never really sure where to post, but I'll try here. I thought I was going so well with my recovery and but I'm having quite the set back the past few weeks.

The anxiety... the constant niggling thoughts, the nausea, the over-analysing, the inability to sit still, the bad dreams (and that's when I can manage to sleep). The depression is eating away at me lately. Full of doubts, the crying, the feel that my chest is physically aching, not wanting to do anything, struggling to leave my bed, the feel that I just want to sleep. My O.C.D. is getting worse too.. Constant tapping, everything in fives, needing to check doors even though I already know they're fine, weird patterns that I have to complete with my fingers before I can sleep... and just when I thought I was doing so well and was considering dropping my medication with my psychiatrist.

The worst part? Usually with any set-backs, I know what's roughly caused it. But I have no idea this time, it just... came. And now I'm just so very tired.

Girl_Anachronism · ‎28-06-2014

Hi Samantha,

Welcome to Beyond Blue.Good on you for having the courage to write here. It isn't easy.

Mental illness is a deceptive illness . Sometimes we can spot the triggers - I suffer from depression and anxiety myself and I know that sometimes I just wake up in a low mood. Sometimes I know the trigger - a meeting in regards to my divorce, or another appointment. Sometimes I wake up and there is no reason. I like to say that I just lost brain chemistry lottery that day.

So I get what you mean when you say you don't know why this set back has happened. I guess the lesson is at the moment, don't worry about the why a setback happened. Just try and deal with the setback as it happens.

You sound like you have some professional supports, when is your next appointment with your psychiatrist or gp? As much as it may be feel like going backwards, they may suggest increasing the dose of your medication, or changing it. They may also suggest more frequent appointments with your psychologist or counsellor, just until this set back passes.

The hard lesson I learned is that recovery from this illness is not a linear progression. It doesn't just go up, with each day better than the last. Imy recovery has been up a bit, down a bit, up a bit, down a bit. The important thing is that everytime it does go down, it doesn't knock me as badly, or for as long. So this set back isn't a set back at all, it is merely a slight downhill slope on the path forward.

I can't speak for the OCD symptoms as it is one illness I do not suffer from. There are others on this forum who can help with that though.

Hope you can post back soon,

GA

HelenM · ‎29-06-2014

Hi Samantha,

I'm sorry that you're having to cope with being unwell again. As GA says recovery isn't linear. I think that's what can be so frustrating. With the exception of my first two depressions I never have a trigger. In fact often my life is going really well. Really whether there's a trigger or not does not alter things. Your mental health workers will be familiar with these blips. What is massive to us is just all in a day's work to them.

Take care,Helen x

geoff · ‎29-06-2014

dear Samantha, it's a big effort to post a comment on this site, but I am so pleased that you have, because I can relate to how you feel with your OCD.

This is an illness that controls our mind into doing things on a repetitive basis, and your number is 5, mine is 4, although I may do it more times than 4, but I can do it 6 or 9 times but I have to count to 4, and I'm sure you know what I mean.

I have to say as I have done so many times before, that it seems weird to other people who don't understand why we have to do, but then why do we have depression, all of these are such a concomitant of tangled issues which none of us really know the answer to.

I can however understand that our serotonin in our brain needs to reconnected, so I have googled a site for you to look at 'why do we have ocd', as it's a very strange illness, one which I have had for 54 years, and there many people who come onto this site with this illness and asking questions, so it's one topic that I am really interested in, and discussing these issues.

There can be reasons why some people do have OCD, and this is the fear that something won't happen, so in a way it's like praying to ourselves, and in no way am I religious, and if you are then it's not to upset you, nor anyone else.

How can we explain to somebody that we know the door is locked, but never the less 'I have to check it, again and again', so now I hide all my habits and rituals so no one will notice, but it's still there and after all of this time I won't change.

I did an online course for reducing my OCD and it sort of worked and let's say to about stopping it about 20% only, but when the course finished, I was back to square one.

Depression and OCD go hand in hand for people like us, and once we have it it won't go away, because at any stage when we become anxious, it starts again.

I am running out of words to type, but please I would love for you to get back to me.

Often I say this to others with OCD but unfortunately they disappear, which I don't want them to, maybe they feel ashamed or guilty, and there is no reason for this, because I have been on this site for 8 or 9 years, and I am not ashamed to say that I have OCD.

This site is to help people with all sorts of depression issues, so I hope to hear back from you. L Geoff. x