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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the chats on this Forum having been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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k_therase Minor speed bumps in a life of hills.
  • replies: 4

I have written into this forum before but I would love to elaborate for anyone who is interested. To every human being suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. you are not alone. 5 years ago I was in my mums hospital room, on her old cr... View more

I have written into this forum before but I would love to elaborate for anyone who is interested. To every human being suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. you are not alone. 5 years ago I was in my mums hospital room, on her old crippled mothers birthday holding the hand of another crippled yet young woman. My mum slowly withering away from lung cancer, it was her last moments, alone we sat, my last words speaking 'I love you' three words that don't seep from my mouth very often. But at this moment i thought it was necessary for my mum to know she was loved in her last moments by her little 13 year old princess. 3 months later, my step dad started his very own drinking problem, this altered his mind, and led to sexual abuse and attempted rape to the girl who resembled his wife oh so much. Having my mothers intuition I decided to speak up, 3 days later he was found by his brother overdosed by my mothers cancer pills and alcohol. I was to blame. because I 'lied' about this, of coarse he couldn't do that to me. But sadly it is true. I had lost my world, my family and the two people I loved dearly. I grew up without a father until he stepped in and then he decided to hurt and leave me too. So why trust men? My uncle passed away early the next year due to smoking cigarettes and my best friends brother hung himself in their backyard. Expecting to be there for my best friend, I felt her pain just as much as her, I knew what she was feeling. I watched my gran, my mothers mum die over the years, the next most important woman in my life withering away, and then a couple years she was gone. My boyfriends mother also committed suicide, he now suffers from schizophrenia. It's a whirlwind of emotions and problems between us. But we stick together like glue and get past those little speed bumps. Throughout the years I have tried committing suicide, self harming and went into mental breakdowns of not seeing the bright side of any more days. Today I suffer from depression and anxiety. It mainly was triggered 5 years down the tract, my 18th birthday, final year of school. Not coping well i had to leave year 12, and struggle with every day life. I pushed away all my friends, and now fighting with my cousins ice addiction, whom I've lived with for 5 years. But to those who believe there is no happy ending, I am in a loving relationship, with a man who loves me and accepts me dearly, I have those people that love me and I am completing study next year doing a Cert IV in mental health or alcohol and other drugs. I lost family, I lost friends, I lost all hope, but there is always that silver lining, and a smile benieth the tears. Look on the bright side of life and there will be life. A good one at that. Just believe in the silver lining. K.W

anitaL It's taking over me
  • replies: 5

Hi, i'm Anita and I'm writing this because l don't know what else to do. I'm not sure if any of this is real or a desperate and pathetic cry for attention, either way l feel this is something that will help me. I can't really remember when it started... View more

Hi, i'm Anita and I'm writing this because l don't know what else to do. I'm not sure if any of this is real or a desperate and pathetic cry for attention, either way l feel this is something that will help me. I can't really remember when it started ( l don't remember things well, especially events that hurt me somehow ) but l remember feeling so alone and really, really wanting to end my life. I think it was in year 8. And l think it had partly something to do with bullying, can't be sure. The next 'round' l remember was when my grandparents were staying with my family and l for half a year. We live in a really cramped apartment and l remember losing control of everything and feeling as if everything was crashing down on me. And feelings from year 8 started to emerge again. But things started to look up when, sorry for the stupid cheesiness of this, but l fell madly in love with this boy and vise versa. But, within a week he was out of my life comepletely and l lost it. Not because l loved him, but because the day he left was also the day, l cant remember but something bad happened with my family. I couldn't handle it and fell into a deep, deep, deep pit. THis time was different, l couldn't feel anything, everything was numb, so, so numb. This only thing l could feel was physical pain, l think l tried to self harm but l didn't go through with it. I couldn't stop crying, for no reason at all (l wasn't sad or angry, just numb). This round lasted longer than the last and was much, much more intense. I think l called a hotline when l was getting better, and that helped I recommend people do it, the staff and really friendly and it helps a lot Not many people knew about any of this, l only told one person, whom i've cut off relations with since for other reasons. Other people would have never suspected anything as l was the happiest kid in school. I was known for being constantly happy, smiling and laughing. All of which wasn't fake. I just never seemed to be able to be sad when l was arround people. More recently, l lost self esteem little by little and just felt so lost. I never really felt like a fitted in. Even with my 'best friend' l still felt as if l had to pretend. Noticing small things like these took a huge toll and soon couldn't get rid of the feeling of feelling absolutely inadequet and just so worthless. Having 'perfect specimens of beauty, smartness and humanity' friends didn't help either. I could no longer hide like l used to. Tiny things like someone talking about depression or walking into a room and people acting as if l was invisible (which ironically is my greatest fear) would trigger day long bouts of uncontrolable crying, not being able to look at people. But l still felt happiness in the rare moments l wasn't noticing how my ex could stop looking at be 'best friend'. A couple of weeks ago l started year 12, and l haven't been able to shake the feeling of l don't even know. Shame? confusion? numbness? l don't live for anything, l don't look forward to the future (l ruin everything and everyone around me) Currently, this very second l don't want to die, but l know l did before as that was what promted me to write this, l don't want to be like this. It's controlling me, I used to be so happy and l would laugh and do stupid shit. L would laugh as the stupidest things, but l can't know. Everytime l let my guard down and laugh or someting l feel this huge gust and l literally feel as if im snapping back to reality, and l stop, because l say to myselt, 'laughing isn't for people like you, you don't deserve to laugh'. I don't know what to do. I have no motivation to do well in the most important year of schooling so far, and l can't even talk to my friends anymore. I avoid facebook as l find it so hard to pretend im alright and normal, chatting to people. I hardly post anything because l don't want to be judged. And when l do, l want to take it down as l can't deal with it. I FF****************KKKkk. I can't , l just. I don't know anymore. Theres a lot l haven't mentioned, l just wrote whatever came into my head. I think, l hope, somehow that someone will read this and tell me that im going to be ok and not to kill myself and that im beautiful and sh*t. Its like a part of me knows ill be alright and shit, but when l leave the solace of my mind and into the real world. everything comes crashing down on me again. Anyways, if you've read all this, thanks Thank you l don't know what else to say so i'm posting it now.

blackholebegone Waking in Panic
  • replies: 8

I suffer from depression and while being treated for that the label PTSD was thrown in (as a result of a gang assault a few years ago). Over the last few weeks I wake up filled with fear and panic. It takes all my effort to get up and going. My suici... View more

I suffer from depression and while being treated for that the label PTSD was thrown in (as a result of a gang assault a few years ago). Over the last few weeks I wake up filled with fear and panic. It takes all my effort to get up and going. My suicidal thoughts persist but I fight them off as well. I would like to know how to get rid of tis feeling of gloom that I facs each morning. Any suggestions!

amamas Is your "Beast" male, female, both or neutral and WHY?
  • replies: 5

My beast as I refer to him is what I call my depression. At times he swallows me whole while at others I'm living enjoying live but he's always there, I can feel him. Thanks to a post by was it Super_Nurse (sorry if I remembered that wrong! My PTSD b... View more

My beast as I refer to him is what I call my depression. At times he swallows me whole while at others I'm living enjoying live but he's always there, I can feel him. Thanks to a post by was it Super_Nurse (sorry if I remembered that wrong! My PTSD brain SUX!!) I've become aware of the strangeness of attributing a sex to the Beast, or whatever your version of it is. I'm intrigued as to what you all call your depression and if it has an identity, male/female or other? If you have any thoughts on why the name? why the sex or not? does it help you? how does it help you? cheers amamas

Notmyself Numb
  • replies: 3

Its a strange wave of emotions you get when depressed. I didn't cry yesterday, must have been the first day in over a month! Although I was close. I felt numb, so numb, like UGH I just give up, you win take me. You've consumed every part of my life a... View more

Its a strange wave of emotions you get when depressed. I didn't cry yesterday, must have been the first day in over a month! Although I was close. I felt numb, so numb, like UGH I just give up, you win take me. You've consumed every part of my life and haven't shown any signs of leaving. TAKE ME!! Think about all the reasons you should try to be positive, my mum, my dad, brother, sister, grandparents? My dog and Most importantly My little 3 year old Nephew, oh boy if a child like that can't make you feel better nothing will. He is the main reason for any smile or happiness I have these days! He's a magical little boy. You notice none of the reasons are your self. Not one says try stay positive for YOU! Why the hell bother!!! It feels like your being kicked when your down over and over again. Mostly by the people YOU LOVE! and this horrible illness that has consumed you gives you the belief the world is against you!!! Tease me about it, give it your all! If you cant understand me your not worth knowing! Support and Love is what I need! Not people going on about Oh cheer up, go out have fun, forget him, forget it you'll feel better, blah blah blah what the heck do you know!!! Spend a day inside my head and tell me all these things will help!!! One thing that I find truly helps me battle this beast is working out...... When im at the gym, my worries are halved, im focused on beating personal bests..... being better than the day before. But the second I leave.... I fall into this massive black hole and get swallowed up. Just a random vent this morning. x

ttguerra Someone to talk to
  • replies: 3

I know this is an Australian website, but i'm not Australian. I was looking for advice online and found this forum. I'm a 24 yo gay man who's still in the closet and that's probably the cause of what i'm feeling right now. I live in a country with a ... View more

I know this is an Australian website, but i'm not Australian. I was looking for advice online and found this forum. I'm a 24 yo gay man who's still in the closet and that's probably the cause of what i'm feeling right now. I live in a country with a very strong macho culture, I was born a male I'm supposed to do what a male does, get married, have kids, continue with the family legacy. I've known I'm gay ever since I was 16 and I thought I was okay with that... apparently I am not. My family would never accept me by who I am. I always make plans, but lately I haven't had the drive to. I wake up every day reasonless... I just need someone to talk to.

Mummyhazel Whats next?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, Im a mother of 2, a defence wife and was diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety. Ive recently hit a point where everything ive been doing over the last 8 months to aid my recovery feels like a waste of time. I relocated to Sydn... View more

Hi everyone, Im a mother of 2, a defence wife and was diagnosed with post-natal depression and anxiety. Ive recently hit a point where everything ive been doing over the last 8 months to aid my recovery feels like a waste of time. I relocated to Sydney 6 weeks after my 2nd child was born (away from friends and family) and feel like this was the point my illness became evident. I do practise cognitive therapy, and mindfulness most days I was seeing a counsellor regularly and I exercise as much as I can...this has been getting me by. But the last few months it feels like my world is falling apart. My husband got his notice he will be deploying to the middle east for 7 months and we decided to move me home to be closer to family and help considering im not always 100% emotionally and I have struggled with motherhood...the defence turned down our request for assistance with our relocation so we payed for it ourselves and I packed up the house by myself, this was most upsetting as we had saved for a romantic holiday (our first holiday as a couple EVER) but had to use our savings on the moving truck. then only a week before our move the defence force decided to deny us entry to a defence housing property....My truck was on its way and I had said my good byes, redirected our mail to the inlaws, pulled my eldest from day-care and transferred my course to the location I was supposed to be moving too (yes I managed to start studying aswell...I am a bit crazy!) So this leads me to my current situation...Homeless and bouncing between family members trying to find a home, our belongings dumped under a family members house, im commencing my studies next month, My husband is away working until Christmas break then after that away again for 7 months (don't even ask about a sex life!!!) Physically im loosing weight, my skin is aging, I cant even see the point in general Hygiene anymore...my reflection isn't what I would expect a 25 year old to look like! Emotionally I cry everyday, Im confused, I cant raise my voice to ask for help, Im filled with guilt.....I think about death and wonder into day long anxiety attacks shaking and feeling ill. I hate crowds, and I feel like everyone is staring directly at my flaws or the things I talk about will just be joked about when im not there. I ignore my children when they want my attention (apart from feeding and washing and caring for them as much as any human being would...the love and joy isn't behind it like it used to be)- I just don't want to listen or deal with their horrible behaviour (the move into a homeless disrupted situation has just killed any working routine I had). They are beautiful girls but the fact im alone all day with them and im ashamed to ask for help or a day off means I turn into mean mummy and I see myself acting selfish and ignorant..i hate myself for it but im tired of smiling and pretending im happy with this. To top it all of my parents have decided to separate so they are both recently diagnosed with depression and I haven't had the courage to tell them of my illness (why burden them with it when they cant even function emotionally themselves) I never had the best childhood with them either but that's a whole other story I haven't even personally decided to start dealing with. Ive come here basically to speak and let it all out! I don't know whats next....I just sat on the stairwell after tucking my girls in and thought...'I could just disappear now and they would be ok because my husbands family (the most amazing family in he world) are just next door to look after them. I think about vanishing all the time...not on holiday but just vanishing so everyone else can be happy! I feel like im living in secrecy, I talk to myself out loud all day long... I drive with he fear im about to crash...every stranger is an attacker or paedophile about to get me or my children... Im tired of checking windows 5 times before bed, crying in my pillow, visioning how happy my husband would be with someone else...yes...im rambling!! but this is my thought pattern...always scatterd and confused. I loose my phone 5 times a day, misplace my keys, forget important dates.... I don't know where my head is at anymore and im scared!!

ApproachingNormal How do people in the medical field cope??
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone. For the last few years I have worked in the field of anaesthesia and found it to be one of the most interesting and rewarding careers but over the last few months have been struggling with my depression and have been having more regular ... View more

Hi everyone. For the last few years I have worked in the field of anaesthesia and found it to be one of the most interesting and rewarding careers but over the last few months have been struggling with my depression and have been having more regular downs than ups. I had recently been involved in a paediatric resus with a bad outcome, it was just devastating. At the time I did not think it affected me as much as what it did to other staff who were visually upset and rightly so. But over the last few weeks the event has been playing over and over in my mind. There was nothing we could have done differently to change the outcome. Over the years I have seen some pretty horrific stuff, but no prior event has ever triggered this same response in me. Last week was one of the worst weeks for me mentally, it was affecting my work and people knew I wasn't my self. I knew I wasn't my self as well but I just went on, ignoring the fact that my depression was worsening, I suppose pretending it wasn't happening. People were asking what was wrong and I just couldn't tell them the truth. I went to my GP and told him what I was going through and he helped me out with some advice and meds. I have an appointment to see a counsellor in two weeks but don't really know how that's going to go as I struggle talking face to face with people about my mental health issues. I am wondering if there are any other people that may be in the same boat or have had similar experiences and what their coping mechanisms are when faced with similar situations? Cheers Arron.

amamas the lure of the Beast
  • replies: 7

Hey guys Two and a half weeks since I literally woke up. Or actually escaped the beasts hold. It's been amazing! So good in so many ways... what about the in-betweens though? Not the spaces if you think of life as a written story, I enjoy the pauses.... View more

Hey guys Two and a half weeks since I literally woke up. Or actually escaped the beasts hold. It's been amazing! So good in so many ways... what about the in-betweens though? Not the spaces if you think of life as a written story, I enjoy the pauses. It's all the rest that's the problem So I love the highlights, I enjoy the spaces but the rest of the book of life is pretty damn crap! Certainly makes the beasts embrace very alluring. I find it so bizarre that thats true. The beast - the hated depression demon that never leaves, who I have worked so hard to get away from I'm now drawn like a super powered magnet back to. I just want to let go, sink back and let him take over. Even writing this I think I sound crazy but the pull remains cheers amamas

Vester Portraits in Blue
  • replies: 1

Hi - A group of us who experience depression have started a research project into peoples' stories of depression. We're being assisted by the usual academics, psychiatrists etc..., but it a consumer lead effort. If nothing else check out our movie at... View more

Hi - A group of us who experience depression have started a research project into peoples' stories of depression. We're being assisted by the usual academics, psychiatrists etc..., but it a consumer lead effort. If nothing else check out our movie at http://www.portraitsinblue.com/ - look forward to your participation.