I have no reason to be sad. Yet it consumes me.

[Incomprehensible]

I have everything that is supposed to make you happy. Everything is basically really good, and when bad things happen I don't mind, it's just another thing il get past it. I lost my job it annoys me and worries me, but not really... It's just an all consuming sadness. I know how to make it fade, I have a whole process. But everyday it comes back and I find myself lying on the bed or floor just crying, I can't move it completely consumes me. Il lie there for hours just crying till there are no more tears but such complete emptiness. I just want to end it all. But then I start the process again, get up walk around have a bath, watch YouTube have a cigarette if those don't help have a shower and then it becomes background music again. A feeling in my heart, but not in my mind. I don't go out, I stare at my computer and don't get things done for class. But I'm supposed to be happy! I have a great partner a cute little house an adorable poodle/Maltese who adores me, I'm trying to succeed. Why am I so sad? When I should be so happy..

[Chris_B]

Hi Incomprehensible,

Welcome to the forums, and sorry to hear you're feeling so low right now.

One of the horrible things about depression is that often we cannot see a reason for it, and when we look around at our lives and see that everything should be 'normal', that makes us even more upset and distressed.  Depression is an illness that clouds our feelings and affects the way we think, you don't have to have experienced great trauma in your life for it to happen.

Feeling so bad that you want to end it all is a clear sign that you should go and see your doctor, which I hope you will do.  But have you talked to your partner about how you're feeling?

best
CB

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Online Community Manager

[orlypops]

Hi Incomprehensible,

I really identify with your low feeling.  I too have a lot going on that makes me ahead of the game in comparison to most people, but I feel like I cant appreciate it or connect with it because of the weight of the sadness.  

I decided that I tried long enough on my own, I went to see a psychologist.  And I'm seeing my GP on monday morning to discuss medication.  I feel like when the sadness is so heavy its impossible to move forward all on your own.  In my desperate times I often wish for an instant fix, but its becoming more and more apparent that there is no such thing.  So, if I start now making some effort I think the best I can hope for is that I'm in a better place in a few weeks, or months, or even a year. I guess if I'd have started a year ago I'd be there now.

So I guess all we can do is start making the change and hope that the momentum starts to turn upwards....

Sending you positive thoughts, love and light.