Am I just blaming others for my issues

Bunyapine · ‎26-10-2013

I've been demoted and transferred to another town. This is a result of a restructure and they refuse to tell me why this has happened. This is quite humiliating professionally as well as a huge impact on my family in terms of loss of friends and lifestyle. I feel that I have failed them and myself and struggling to keep getting up each day. I'm working at the new location and come home on weekends. The depression is deep and I don't know whether I'm being a loser and should just suck it up and get on with it. The way forward is very clouded and not sure where to move next.

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎26-10-2013

Dear Bunyapine,

But..............you still have a job. And a home. And a computer........

Maybe the restructure was really abrupt and caught you by surprise and then all the "Why me ?" questions haunted you. But, sometimes a change can be OK or even better. Once you settle in things might change.

Maybe the failure is in allowing yourself to feel like a failure. Corporate decisions don't always factor in the human element. Did you wife make you sleep in the dog house because the restructuring has de-valued her relationship with you that much ? NO. Family can support any situation.

Your biggest fear might be that the company will do this again. But "being a loser" is great for the short term. You can get out all the frustration and angst. Then a few months down the track, with or without a counsellor, start "sucking it up and get on with it". Even when "the way forward is very clouded" you can still move forward. Shackleton (explorer in a row boat with 6 seamen) navigated over 2,000 miles from the South Pole to Elephant Island so an error in compass bearings would have been tragic. Then he went back and rescued his failed total Polar mission crew. On the 3rd attempt. Resiliance and Faith.

I hope you update so that BB can help with any other changes or maybe hear that things improved and the dog got his bed back. Lol.

Adios, David.

amamas · ‎26-10-2013

Hi Bunyapine

It sounds as though you are going through an immensely stressful and upsetting time!!!!

I'm worried about you as all these changes are all very very hard to cope with. Especially feeling so depressed. In my experience it's almost impossible to think straight when the beast (depression) takes hold.

Are you going to therapy? It sounds to me as though you really need some professional support to help you cope and move through this extremely difficult time

cheers amamas

Bunyapine · ‎28-10-2013

Thanks, deep down I agree with all of you have said. I have been trying to focus on the positives and make the most of it. Hardest to deal with is watching others at home getting on with their lives without me. Facebook is the worst at these times, reading posts of the things I was once involved with and now a spectator.

Bunyapine · ‎28-10-2013

Thanks amamas, no I not getting any professional support. I sometimes think that my employers should realise the stress involved with all the change, but they are oblivious (intentionally or not). They would be worried about their lost time accident record if someone went off on stress leave.

amamas · ‎28-10-2013

Hey Bunyapine I hear you! Awesome you got back on here!

Maybe you could just let loose on here and get the support you need that way for now.

Take care cheers amamas

Bunyapine · ‎29-10-2013

Thanks, I've been aware of BB for years and it was the first place I thought of to "let loose". Good advice.

geoff · ‎30-10-2013

dear Bunyapine, I am sorry but sometimes posts just get away from me, and before you know it it's been 3 days.

I am a bit concerned with your post because you don't seem as though you were given any choice as to whether or not you wanted to move, and you believe that it's a demotion, so I am worried for your future with this company.

Have you had a chance to speak to any of your hierarchy as to why you have been moved, and ask them 'what's going on'.

Now that you have this terrible illness, do you have any sick leave so that you can take some time off, although there is the worry about your position, however try and get a doctors certificate which would protect your job. I will wait until I hear back from you. Geoff.

The_Real_David_Charles · ‎30-10-2013

Dear Bunyapine,

You sound in a much better place than your were 5 days ago when you initially posted. If only Facebook got switched off every other week to give the world a break from this anxious media & personal malaise. The24/7 of internet access is a really bad thing when you just want to "forget" or "move on".

Occasionally when I focus on the positives I get more depressed ! I guess you've got to make each minute yours. Edge around the day. Don't do all the drama queen stuff (unless ofcourse you are a drama queen for a living). Lol. Having limited time at home is like an emotional time bomb. You could always stop close to home and just re-group for 10 mins. Shake off the work and the problems. Then try to arrive back calm, eager to love, less frayed around the edges and even say those treasured words "Honey, I'm home" but not in a Jack Nicholson Horror Movie kind of way. More in a shaggy, muddy dog running in from the garden to show everyone the stick he's found in the compost that has cat wee on it.

Even ONE MINUTE of cool reflection is good before your home life goes BHAM ! KAPOW ! SPLAT ! (dare I say, as some of the current updates are) and KERBOOM ! You need that softer touch - the care, support, unconditional feeling and Austin Powers "Yeah, Baby". Be Groovy. Be a man. Be anything you want to be. But don't be defined by Facebook, etc. That's like saying the estate agent that sold you your house is a friend. Really ? Could have fooled me. Same goes for the car salesmen and boss that restructued your job. Thanks, but no thanks.

Adios, David.