Depression

Im wondering if I might have psychotic depression..

replies: 4

Sorry. I have severe depression and anhedonia, and anxiety. I'm currently undergoing ECT and an MAOI antidepressant for it (but the treatment's only been ongoing for less than a month, so improvements are negligible). I'm sorry. I really can't think.... View more

Sorry. I have severe depression and anhedonia, and anxiety. I'm currently undergoing ECT and an MAOI antidepressant for it (but the treatment's only been ongoing for less than a month, so improvements are negligible). I'm sorry. I really can't think. I made a list of things I've felt/thought that might seem strange to another person, even with clinical depression, then I trimmed it down a bit to just the things I just really can't rationalize..Sometimes, especially right after I mess up socially, I self-harm because I feel like an absolute worthless idiot who deserves to be hurt.I think, and am extremely uncomfortable with the idea that everyone just thinks I'm perfectly normal, and that I'm just a terrible, lazy, incredibly dull person. I'm always apologizing to sort-of communicate that this isn't a part of my personality, and that I really do hate how I am and how I think.I'm constantly internally (and sometimes whenI' m alone, externally) telling myself to shut up because I hate all my thoughts and can't stand listening to myself and how I think when I'm like this. I have a tendency to get disproportionately angry and stressed, to the point of violence and/or self-harm, for no real reason.I occasionally consider the possibility that my p-doc/s, and/or my family might be working towards making sure I never get better, like they might be spiking my food with something that causes severe depression, or they might be trying to prevent any chance I might have at remission/potentiation by maybe giving me placebos, or the food spiking, or something else. There've been times where I've put things on the inside of my door before I sleep, so I'll know if it's been opened, or discarded my food without anyone knowing, and even searched parts of my house for suspicious substances

Hit rock bottom - need help

replies: 10

It has been a while since I’ve been on here. I have been struggling with things for a while now. Instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse - I feel like I have hit rock bottom now and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need hel... View more

It has been a while since I’ve been on here. I have been struggling with things for a while now. Instead of getting better I seem to be getting worse - I feel like I have hit rock bottom now and I just don’t know what to do anymore. I know I need help and I have tried a couple of times but so far nothing seems to work. I am trying to deal with issues from my past that have come up again for me. It is so much harder than I thought it would be. I feel like I am desperate to get it all out sometimes and feel like I am going to explode keeping all these things inside. I have issues asking for or accepting help. I had it drilled into me over many years that asking for help or asking for it to stop/crying/getting upset etc just caused more pain and punishment. Now I have a lot of difficulty asking for help with personal issues. I have always been very independent and never needed help. Now I desperately need someone to help/talk to but I can’t seem to make myself do it because I know most people do not want to hear about these things and I feel awful putting that on someone. Rationally I know it is not helpful to not seek help but I can’t seem to get past the feeling that it is wrong, I don’t deserve help and shouldn't be dumping this on someone else. It just feels like everything is crashing down around me and I can’t stop it. I want to get back to normal, I’ve tried so many things on my own but am just running out of energy and ideas now. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Minor Set-back

replies: 3

I never really know how to start these, but I find writing how I'm feeling on here generally helps. Diagnosed Anxiety, O.C.D and Depression, so I'm never really sure where to post, but I'll try here. I thought I was going so well with my recovery and... View more

I never really know how to start these, but I find writing how I'm feeling on here generally helps. Diagnosed Anxiety, O.C.D and Depression, so I'm never really sure where to post, but I'll try here. I thought I was going so well with my recovery and but I'm having quite the set back the past few weeks. The anxiety... the constant niggling thoughts, the nausea, the over-analysing, the inability to sit still, the bad dreams (and that's when I can manage to sleep). The depression is eating away at me lately. Full of doubts, the crying, the feel that my chest is physically aching, not wanting to do anything, struggling to leave my bed, the feel that I just want to sleep. My O.C.D. is getting worse too.. Constant tapping, everything in fives, needing to check doors even though I already know they're fine, weird patterns that I have to complete with my fingers before I can sleep... and just when I thought I was doing so well and was considering dropping my medication with my psychiatrist. The worst part? Usually with any set-backs, I know what's roughly caused it. But I have no idea this time, it just... came. And now I'm just so very tired.

I haven't felt happy in years

replies: 5

I've recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in that order. I wasn't too surprised especially with the trouble they've caused me my whole life. My anxiety began when I w... View more

I've recently been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder in that order. I wasn't too surprised especially with the trouble they've caused me my whole life. My anxiety began when I was only 12 and in middle school. It was hard for me to get out of bed and even go to school because of it and because I forced myself to go every day I started feeling depressed every day. Then came high school and I did what I thought I would never do in my life. I dropped out. Now years past and I'm a social mess. I just turned 20 last month but feel like a child with no experience at all. I haven't gotten my license or can even drive because of my anxiety. Every time I get behind the wheel I hyperventilate and start panicking feeling like I'm going to crash. I don't know if I will ever be able to drive in my life because of this, and no medication seems to help with it either. I never got my GED because I just suck at math in general. I took the test and passed the writing section but not the math or science so I just gave up. My self esteem fell even lower when I found out I couldn't pass. It hurts to think about it.. Then to top it off my younger cousins who I am proud of, but sad to know that they all received scholarships and off to college while I'm at home all day wasting my life away. I'm a short female, I look extremely young for my age, some people comment that I look no older than 14 which also makes me feel even more like crap, to know I won't ever be taken serious because of my appearance. Right now I'm living with my fiancé who miraculously cares about someone like me. He takes care of me and I feel like I might need support for the rest of my life with how things are going for me right now. Medications don't help but make me feel tensed, and just emotionless. We even discussed getting married but what's the point? My family views me as an outcast, his family doesn't approve of me at all. I have no friends to invite and it's just horrible the way things have played out in my life. I did have a job for 7 whole months which is a record breaker for me, but then I quit because of my anxiety and depression overshadowing me again. I feel like I really need help or I won't ever be able to actually be happy without having to worry every day. Worrying I will never have a steady job and the income I need to survive without someone taking care of me. I'm just at loss and it's getting worse.

totally lost

replies: 15

I have been depressed for a few years now, at the moment I am stuck in an apprenticeship I HATE because I cannot afford to quit, I am currently an apprentice chef and it is not fulfilling, can barely survive on the little pay I get, I want to do some... View more

I have been depressed for a few years now, at the moment I am stuck in an apprenticeship I HATE because I cannot afford to quit, I am currently an apprentice chef and it is not fulfilling, can barely survive on the little pay I get, I want to do something in community services but with work do not have the time to do the course nor the financial means to actually enrol in or complete the course. my mother (whom I am close to) is moving away on Monday, the time has came so quick I don't even know if I want to stay here or go with her. my mind is just so messed up at the moment I have no idea about anything and cant even think clearly as there are 20 million things going through my mind at once I don't know what one to think about first and end up overloaded and breaking down, I have tried seeing a councillor, only got through two sessions and stopped going as I did not like it, I don't know weather it was the person or the whole counselling thing I didn't like. my finances are in a complete mess as it is right now I have three separate court warnings from three separate debt collectors about four of my debts and cannot afford to pay anything on any of them, and somehow I do not own anything besides a $1000 car, I do not even own the bed I sleep on and I have over 15k in debts, it may not seem like much but they all of a sudden got out of control and I cant fix it, I have tried getting consolidation loans but my credit has been dragged through the mud I cant even get finance for a chuppa chup from a hock shop....... I just have no idea what to do anymore and don't know how to deal with things sorry if it doesn't make sense but as I said my mind is jumbled hahah

Analysing does my head in

replies: 3

I wonder if others have this problem. I'm constantly analysing my depression. eg. I'm sure I should be having another good day - I know I was having them more often a few weeks ago; I feel like crying all the time - that's been for days now - I don't... View more

I wonder if others have this problem. I'm constantly analysing my depression. eg. I'm sure I should be having another good day - I know I was having them more often a few weeks ago; I feel like crying all the time - that's been for days now - I don't think that's happened since January; I didn't feel any pleasure doing/talking to etc why? Is my mood going down further? The doctor seemed surprised when I said I was no better; God what will I do if I go down further - I'm on the highest dose of my meds etc etc This is a running commentary in my head on many, many days. Fear of not recovering or worse still, fear of getting worse. Possibly, and please tell me if anyone thinks this, my mood feels lower because of my expectations and the sheer frustration of not getting better. Thanks,Helen

I just don't know what to do....

replies: 15

Ok, so here goes, I recently moved to South Australia from QLD to be with my fiancé, I left my job, my unit, my family/friends, to be with him, in a country SA town, and I hate it here. There's hardly any jobs going around here, believe me, I have tr... View more

Ok, so here goes, I recently moved to South Australia from QLD to be with my fiancé, I left my job, my unit, my family/friends, to be with him, in a country SA town, and I hate it here. There's hardly any jobs going around here, believe me, I have tried finding one. I just want to go back to QLD town where I came from, there's more jobs going there (around 770 on seek site alone) where here there's 47 on seek. I'm getting more and more depressed being here, so much so, I sleep half the day, I don't look after myself properly (eating/showering etc) I spend most of the time crying. And my fiancé sees that I'm getting depressed. I've lost 11kgs since end of January. I don't want to be without my fiancé, (we get married in Oct in QLD) I love him sooooo much, but I just can't stay here. I need my family/friends, my home town & to work full time, (i'll need to try to earn $ for a while before we have kids) My fiancé has been here probably about 7 yrs, he's on a disability pension and is likely never to work. He is a home body, stays home most of the time, and his mum lives here. He has no friends here either. He isn't keen on moving to QLD, But I know I can't be here much longer. I'm trying to convince him, and I think he may be opening up to the idea, of moving to QLD, and me working fulltime and sending him back to SA for visits. As it'd be so much easier for us to do that, then the reverse of sending me back from here (if I was working fulltime) as he doesn't work. I know it'd be hard for him to move, but it just seems the most logical solution. He's waiting for his mum to come back from holiday so he can talk to her, (as he doesn't have friends to discuss this with) I know he's scared of moving, he told me so. I feel like I'm in limbo, I don't know whether he's going to commit to moving or not, and I'm worried that he's going to break up with me and we not get married. Arghhhh my stomach is in knots

I guess I need to switch forums

replies: 11

So I was admitted to Perth Clinic yesterday which so far is going well. The psychiatrist has taken me off the anti deppresant meds and put me on mood stabilizers as the cycling between the highs and the lows is an indicator that I may now have develo... View more

So I was admitted to Perth Clinic yesterday which so far is going well. The psychiatrist has taken me off the anti deppresant meds and put me on mood stabilizers as the cycling between the highs and the lows is an indicator that I may now have developed bipolar 2 rather than depression... will be interesting to see the affects over the next few days... Hope everyone is having a good day

who can I talk to when im depressed?

replies: 1

Since I was a little girl I have gone through long periods of depression. My teachers had me see the school counselor but I wouldnt tell her anything because I didnt trust her. I used to try to tell my parents but they blew it off as dramatics and ig... View more

Since I was a little girl I have gone through long periods of depression. My teachers had me see the school counselor but I wouldnt tell her anything because I didnt trust her. I used to try to tell my parents but they blew it off as dramatics and ignored it or laughed at me for it. Because of that I internalized it a lot during my childhood. Ive always had friends but if my own parents wouldnt believe me how could I possibly let some kids in? I started gaining weight and withdrawing from people. I started to self harm. I dont even remember when I started having thoughts about hurting myself. It just sort of was. By the time I was in highschool I was a completely different person. I had an emergency surgery that left me unable to ever have kids. I didnt have anyone to turn to and while my family thought id just been ok with it I was constantly reminded of what I lacked when I was at school or when our family had a new member. It became a big trigger for me and I didnt know how to cope. What could anyone understand? None of them were failures the way I would always be. years passed and I found myself engaged. The man I loved and trusted hurt me in so many ways and I would let the abuse continue because I was desperate. It took him leaving before I even realized what id let go on for almost two years. I started going to parties and experimenting with drugs. Every day I had hundreds of thoughts about ending it all. I hoped that id down the right combination and all my pain and emptiness would just go away. I told myself that every day was a new hell. Then at one of the parties I was sexually abused when I wasnt able to do anything. I still have nightmares and plead in my sleep. Its one of the reasons im afraid. Im afraid that all this will make me unable to connect with anyone. Ive been unable to have any relationship longer than 2 weeks since my fiance left and married the other woman. I cant sit with my friends without feeling like its forced. And I know they love me and I dont wanna lose them. But I cant tell my family any of whats happened or anything that im going through. Id just be an even bigger disappointment. And im afraid they'll just laugh at me again. There's nothing that bites more than your mom mocking your cry for help. I want a promising life and I want to get past this but its all locked up inside and my only outlet is the internet and my cats. I dont want this to bring me down but imbjust afraid to seek help. What should I do?beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

roller coaster

replies: 9

I've been having episodes of depression for 12 years now. As the years have gone on it's become milder. This one started in January after a year's break. It's a roller coaster and not the way I usually experience my depressions. So please could someo... View more

I've been having episodes of depression for 12 years now. As the years have gone on it's become milder. This one started in January after a year's break. It's a roller coaster and not the way I usually experience my depressions. So please could someone tell me if this makes sense. Bad days, copeable days, days of fear, sometimes great days. All these moods come any time, lasting anything from a day to a week. Nearly always for no particular reason. The depression is no deeper and these moods are so random I don't know where I am.

Pinned discussions

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

All discussions

Im wondering if I might have psychotic depression..

replies: 4

Hit rock bottom - need help

replies: 10

Minor Set-back

replies: 3

I haven't felt happy in years

replies: 5

totally lost

replies: 15

Analysing does my head in

replies: 3

I just don't know what to do....

replies: 15

I guess I need to switch forums

replies: 11

who can I talk to when im depressed?

replies: 1

roller coaster

replies: 9

Depression

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor? replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION replies: 132

Im wondering if I might have psychotic depression.. replies: 4

Hit rock bottom - need help replies: 10

Minor Set-back replies: 3

I haven't felt happy in years replies: 5

totally lost replies: 15

Analysing does my head in replies: 3

I just don't know what to do.... replies: 15

I guess I need to switch forums replies: 11

who can I talk to when im depressed? replies: 1

roller coaster replies: 9

Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started

replies: 0

How do I talk to my doctor?

replies: 9

SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION

replies: 132

Im wondering if I might have psychotic depression..

replies: 4

Hit rock bottom - need help

replies: 10

Minor Set-back

replies: 3

I haven't felt happy in years

replies: 5

totally lost

replies: 15

Analysing does my head in

replies: 3

I just don't know what to do....

replies: 15

I guess I need to switch forums

replies: 11

who can I talk to when im depressed?

replies: 1

roller coaster

replies: 9