I don’t really know how to describe how I’m feeling, but I thought writing it somewhere might help.
I’ve been seeing a psychologist, and they think I may have bipolar disorder, so I’m currently trying to work through what’s actually going on with me. At the same time, a lot of trauma from things that happened about five years ago has suddenly come back up. I thought I had moved past a lot of it, but apparently I haven’t, and dealing with it now has been really overwhelming.
I honestly feel like a lost puppy in a park sometimes. I don’t really know where I’m going or what I’m supposed to be doing. Some days I feel wild, energetic and like I want to do everything, talk to everyone and just live. Then other days I’m completely the opposite. I feel depressed, exhausted and disconnected from everything. I don’t want to do anything or talk to anyone, and sometimes I genuinely feel like I could just stare at a wall for hours.
I think the hardest part is never really knowing which version of me I’m going to wake up as. I know there are people who love me and I know there are good things in my life, but knowing that doesn’t magically make the sadness disappear.
