Loneliness

[blubella]

I am suffering with crippling loneliness.. After another failed relationship the effects are taking their toll and I have fallen in a hole so deep I don't know how to get out. I am trying to see the silver living and be mindful and grateful as aside from being single I have a blessed life, however the feeling is so strong now that I can't see past it. My mind is constantly plagued with negative thoughts.

Any suggestions how to break out of this funk and actually put "positive thinking" into action?

[white knight]

Hi and welcome Blubella

This current feeling will likely pass as it is a grieving period.

Every potential partner is a different proposition. Keep trying but shape your life plans in a manner that means you do have a life if you dont meet anyone. Eg buy a pet, relocate to your chosen area and so on.

I hope you find peace.

Google this for reading. Lots of reading on this site

Topic: depression, a ship on the high seas- beyondblue 

Topic: the best praise you'll ever get- beyondblue 

Tony WK 

Tony WK 

Tony WK 

[greywolf2]

Hi Blubell

I was going to start my own thread, but when I saw yours I thought I might drop in. I'm on a downer day, but they don't happen all the time. It sucks to feel like a nobody and the effort it takes to get out of the funk is too much some days.

I thought if I help someone else rather than being my usual self pittying grump, it might turn the mood around.

I've come to 'get' that I'm worth saving. I hope you do too. They preach at church about God or Jesus being our saviours, and we want a white horse and hero to pull up and save our sorry arses from life. But neither of these cut the grade.

We have to be our own hero's. It takes guts to come on here and write. I've done it a few times, but mostly I read. When everyone else fails me, I'm left alone to cope. That's why I'm the hero in my book of life. I don't like it, like today I mean. But it is what it is.

There's some good people on here. I read them a lot. The thing is, I do get help that way too. I feel too needy asking for help more than not.

I really feel for you losing your partner. It's not just all the companionship and sex and home life that goes, it's having a body in the room to cut the silence. That's for me anyway. I had to greive that more than anything.

Anyway, I don't know if I've helped or made things worse. I'm not experienced at this to be honest.

Grey

[white knight]

Hey greywolf and blubelle,

You've both done an outstanding job in your posts.

You will never know who you have helped. There's humility in that.

Tony WK

[blubella]

thank you both for your responses it helps just to know someone is there and can empathise with what i'm going through

[white knight]

In 1997, after losing my full time fatherhood and a suicide plan aborted, l purchase land. I began to build my own home.

I lived in a small caravan, had a bonfire nightly with my billy and worked all hours to build. It diverted my mind. Regularly I'd mentally collapse, allow my tears to fall then continue on. Aloud I'd say "enough of that". Stand up and get on with it.

Building for me was my biggest diversion. Without it l would have been a mess.Blubella, find your diversion be it a big jigsaw in another room, dating othets or sport/hobbies.

Sometimes we need toforce our mind into the right direction.

Be your own rudder.

Tony WK

[greywolf2]

Thanks Tony WK

I so needed to read what you wrote mate! It's simple and doable.

I get the building thing, and boiling the billy on your own fire while you cope with the downer's. I can see it in my mind. I've been peeved off I can't find the motivation to do what I want to do for me.

'Enough of that..' stand up and get on with it. Will try it because it's Gold!

Grey

[smiley66]

Hi I'm new to this and not to sure where to write my post

[Hikarue]

Hi blubella & greywolf.

Thank you for writing your emotions and the problems you are going through here. Seeking out help and advice is the first step and you should congratulate yourself. 🙂

As for failing relationships and feeling of loneliness... well, I'd been there.. done that. I know how it feels.

You see, I am from overseas and came to Australia on my own for further studies and after I graduated, I found a job here. I have no family members in Australia so it is natural to feel lonely. However I overcome this by finding new hobbies and making new friends. For example, I go to church, joined choir groups, become a fan of Roger Federer and made new friends who have same interest, started cosplay and going to conventions. It was a lot of fun keeping myself busy with all sort of events and meeting new people but when I come home, I am all alone again.

I wanted a boyfriend and after many years hoping to meet someone who is willing to invest their time in me, I thought I found someone for me. After the relationship ended because he said he cannot commit to an overseas girl, my emotions went spiraling down and I find that listening to songs and reading up about other people relationship issues help. Talking with friends help. After a few months, I decided that I should stop mourning for the failure and I start new hobbies again. So I sign myself up to a business/ marketing course and made more new friends and go to fun events.

After a few years, I meet another guy who I had hope on. However the relationship failed because he ended up cheating on me. "Oh... how aweful is my luck" I thought.

You see, it was really hard going out and meeting people in hope you will meet the right one. In the end I lose hope and begin not to trust any guy. I begin to label all the single guys as either, a player or a loser. All the good ones are taken.

Then I had a few short term relationship which I realized I only wanted it out of desperation even thought I know he is not the right one. Slowly I begin to become so lost and confused thinking that I might just have to accept a lifetime of being alone.

However I soldier on. I continue meeting up with friends and going events and tried my best to not let my negative emotions impact on my life.

...continue next post..

[Hikarue]

You see, a few years after
that, I meet a man which I am now married too. I was over the moon when I
found someone who is willing to commit to me seriously. However, marriage is
not always a walk in park. We are no perfect couple and now we find ourselves
not equip with the knowledge and skills to have a happy marriage. Hence I am
now making us to take marriage counseling course! haha.

So here is my point. No matter what stage of your life, there
will always be problems. If you cannot find happiness when you are
single, don't expect to find happiness when you are married. Learn to get
your life in control again and do things that make you happy. Things that do
not involve with dating or hoping to meet another potential partner. Take
the first step by joining groups or events to meet new people and don't be
afraid to talk your emotions and problems to your friends.

You can make it through. Be positive. You cannot change
the past, you you have the choice to decide what you can do to change the
future. Good luck!