living with depression plus dealign with emotionally unavailable parents

[Guest_10200]

hey everyone, it has been a while since ive last used beyondblue however there has just been a lot of things that have happened recently with my mh and just overall life satisfaction.

okay so im currently 17 years old, and after many years of never really understanding why id feel these rlly low pits and just general filtered dissatisfaction, i had gone to the GP and received a diagnosis for severe depression and anxiety. though definitely during that time it was one of the hardest times to keep living and waking up (this was roughly 1-2 months ago) it feels like im feeling the aftermath of this feeling. and to be fair every time I ask someone if depression and these feelings rlly ever goes away because genuinely spiralling, ruminating and thinking about all these things in my laughing makes it truly exhausting. for example even when im with friends, ill find it social anxious + awkward even if I know so much about them, though it always feels like they dont know anyhting about me or more its I haven't been able to let them know really anything about me and that makes me just incredibly numb to the fact that im idly being here. and also with my mum especially, since it is holidays, everything she talks to me about, everything she argues, everything is always about doing more work, and not dissapointing myself and my parents and how im wasting time in my life, whenever I try go out to like take a break, ive just been mentally exhausted.

and yes I have a psychologist and im seeing her soon, however it just feels like im like I said before, just idly roaming and i 1. dont really know what im going to do in my future 2. im not bored ive just been drained 3. when im by myself I feel comfortable but also I know im avoiding rlly the unavoidable idea of social connection. though rlly I just want to have a higher satisfaction with my life, but also school is starting but im worried again for the rlly long holidays that follow.

(im just seeking some advice as i find sometimes calling helps but it feels as though every time im either retelling my story or i can rlly voice out everything ive been meaning to say)

[therising]

A warm welcome back to Beyond Blue 🤗

I'd say one of the most challenging things in life can involve making greater sense of what it is we're really feeling at times. Personally, I can relate to this on a few different levels

1. What side effects am I feeling regarding what my chemistry's doing and why is my chemistry doing it?
2. What am I dealing with mentally or psychologically that I can feel?
3. What am I naturally feeling in regard to certain challenges in my life and what are these challenges calling me to rise to (in the way of evolving)?

Certain physical conditions can become depressing. For me, I have to manage my B12 levels and sleep apnea, so as not to feel the effects. There are other lifestyle factors that play a part too, which include the chemistry I put into my body or generate. A depressing lack of chemical energy, whether it be B12 or dopamine can be felt

Certain mental challenges can be playing out without us even realising at times. Whether it involves the stresser in us leading us to feel highly stressed or anxious or it's our inner critic brutally chastising us, inner dialogue is something that can definitely be felt at times. Who we believe ourself to be, amongst other belief systems, can be another factor. 

Certain natural life challenges can become depressing. Whether it involves a depressing lack of guidance and support, lack of solid goals to move towards, lack of vision, lack of faith in ourself or something else...a depression can often point to what it is we need to gain. 

So with the question 'Do these feelings ever really go away?', from my own experience I'd say it depends on the cause. If the cause is addressed and managed (whether it be physical, mental or natural or a combo), the way we're feeling ourself interacting with life can definitely change. I think it's important to mention a revelation that came to me some years back that changed the way I see myself: I'm not 'broken', I'm simply a feeler/sensitive. I can feel or sense what's depressing and anxiety inducing. It sounds like you could also be a feeler or sensitive. Having such an ability involves the need to develop a lot of skills that come with such an ability, so that you become the master of your ability. While I'm far from being a master, as a 55yo gal, I have gotten into the constructive habit of asking one key question and that is 'What is it that I'm feeling/sensing right now?'. What this question tends to do is help open the mind while also helping develop intuition (where answers or guidance naturally come to mind). For example, intuition may insist 'Try going on the Beyond Blue forums, you have nothing to lose'. Opening our mind is so much better than closing our mind, with it fixed around the question 'What's wrong with me?'.

[Guest_10200]

hey!!! its been a while since ive last been on here!

just a little update, but it does really feel like a blur recently especially this past month, but after a lot of self discovery and growth and just general lifestyle changes, I have been feeling SO MUCH more content with myself to a point I thought id never reach. during that time it was really hard and im so thankful for the support on here but also like the ppl around you. though ik exactly how it feels to kind of like filter ppl out even those closest, but u have to remember u are the only one who will be there for u during ur lowest, and tho it feels rlly hard, these feelings are temporary. yes u may take it invalidating at first (like I had) but truly finding a permanent "solution" for these temporary issues is truly not worth it, a solution would be generally sleeping better and also seeking support. talk therapy has been SOSOSO good I can thank it enough. tho some ppl might work better with medication or some with talking with a psychologist or some with like a mix of both, I strongly encourage people to seek out and know, there is always always a bright light at the end of the tunnel with the best people around u. 

though I guess it took me quite a bit of time to figure this all out for myself, whoever is reading you will be okay and u bring people so much!! without ur presence, without ur smile, without YOU is a world that is left emptier. tho no I am not on antidepressants by choice, ive noticed by shifting small things like sleep and like generally planning out work is so much better. and the school has accommodated me really well, with extra time and I just did my exam yesterday and I feel pretty good about it!! again life has so much to offer, and tho it feels SO HARD now we will make it,  and we are so so strong. sending luck and all my wishes!!! thank u for reading!!! ❤️ ❤️