Hi OneStepAtATime
My heart goes out to you so much as you begin to question and wonder to the point of reaching out to find others who'll question and wonder with you. I've found questioning and wondering alone can definitely become depressing in some cases, as much needed answers or revelations just don't seem to come as easily at times.
I'm a gal who tends to cycle through depressing periods and then back out again. At 55, it's only in the last handful of years that I worked out what the cycles are really all about, for me anyway. Not sure whether you can relate but I can typically feel when there's something depressing going on. I'll then begin to wonder about what it is that I'm feeling. I'll go through a whole range of thoughts and emotions on the way toward making sense of the challenge I'm facing. Once I can make some sense of it (on my own or with help from others), I'll cycle up and out of the challenge. While it sounds simple and straight forward, it's definitely not always the case. Can take me weeks or months at a time, all depending on what the challenge is and quickly or slowly I work it out.
It always starts the same way, with the question 'Is what I'm facing a mental issue, a physical issue, a natural or soulful/soul destroying issue or a combo?'. Another way of considering this could be 'Am I feeling how I think or how I've been led to think and is this is impacting me in some way? Is what I'm feeling a chemical issue that could be investigated through blood tests or other physically related tests? Is how I'm feeling or experiencing life leading me to ask deeper questions about life and my connection to it?'. All areas point to a lack or a deficiency and the need to gain something. The question then becomes about 'What's missing and what do I need to gain?'.
I've found 'The worst it's ever been' factor can point to a few things
- The same issues/challenges keep repeating until they become unbearable and there's no choice but to address them. In other words, it's about being pushed through a sense of urgency or desperation
- The amount of issues/challenges can definitely be a factor, leading to a sense of complete overwhelm and exhaustion. We can feel the weight of the number of challenges we face
- The types of emotions/challenges can play a part. If emotion can be defined as 'energy in motion' how we're feeling or sensing that energy in motion can definitely influence our experience of life and our connection to it. For example, extreme sadness feels different compared to overwhelming grief. A sense of joy will feel different to how we sense or feel elation. Having no sense of direction will be different when compared to feeling what 'completely and utterly lost and alone in the dark' feels like. All feelings or emotions are telling
A depressing lack of energy in any form is definitely worth wondering about. Wondering whether a simple place to start could involve blood tests. You could tick that box and get it out of the way before moving onto the next thing to wonder about. Personally, I had no idea a severe B12 deficiency could be so mentally and physically debilitating and depressing until I experienced it for myself. When it comes to the type of energy in motion, we definitely need the right amount of chemical energy moving through our body.
