It breaks my heart

[HelenM]

I an hyper sensitive. I wish so very much I wasn't.

I do not read papers or watch the news because all the pain in the world is too much. Even when I'm well I know that this isn't a world I like being in.

I go on facebook and animal lovers sometimes post tragic stories to highlight what goes on. Last night there were three. I try no to read them and usually I can somehow get by. I love animals and it may be wrong but I prefer them to people.

Well last night there was a story which has made me cry and cry. I won't repeat it here because I don't want to upset anyone. But it's made me just feel so miserable. My mood has come down anyway although it would have really upset me whatever. It highlights the absolute cruelty and I know this is common place. Ironically this had a happy ending but there was something in the whole situation that touched me in a profound way - if that makes sense.

I know that this mood will pass. What won't pass is the continual cruelty that people, animals and the environment are subjected to.

I tried to ring one or two people that could maybe calm me a bit but they weren't in. Then I rang the Samaritans to talk a little. The chap helped a little but I feel so miserable. I really HATE this world. I was like this before I was ill. I wish I could be like my son. He has excellent coping skills - somehow he can separate his emotions from the cruelty.

I have to go to the charity shop now. I posted this really to get it out because the hurting feels too big. I really hate this world.

[Choib]

Hey Helen

I know exactly what you mean and feel. We all know logically during a depressive phase how the brain becomes hypersensitive to fear and sadness responses by several folds, that its a physical response to our illness. But it still hurts and feels like our fault for feeling this way doesnt it. The world just feels horribly out of control and mean, cruel and indifferent.

News is just fuel for the fire when we are in a really low place, and it really makes things worse that feeling of the world crumbling and uncaring. I get it all the time and its a major problem to mood for days, just bit of bad news seen and its a punch to the stomach and a (false) feeling that life is telling you to stay down. 

So I can only say to cut out the news, for the time being. avoid it, wall it off to protect yourself during times of hardship. Theres nothing we can do except face the day where we live, focus on the now, to bolster our resolve somehow and keep going. Outside bad news just hurts that until we are ready to look out the window again and see whats going on.

I cut out the news, avoiding violent movies and games, internet sites that exposes me to the misery of how we are as humans because I just cant handle that information anymore. Its not permanent but its helping a lot. I hope that makes sense, and of course we need input but we have to be careful what we let ourselves see and hear dont we, and again its not our fault for being sensitive, its just the activity centers in the brain that handle that running many times faster than normal over exaggerating the feelings we feel in regards to sensory input a normal healthy mind can easy manage.

But in wellness when we find ourselves more stable those areas regrow and expand and those signals dont fire so fast and hard and we can handle sad news or terrible acts a lot better without becoming overly stressed. But I hope you feel better and able to let go that feeling and information you saw, things are just out of our control in the world, we can only do something good and positive in our immediate lives and hope the rest of the world catches on one day.

[White_Rose]

Hello Helen

This experience is hard to manage.  Like Choib and yourself, I stopped listening to the news, switched off TV programs that had any kind of betrayal or violence in them.  Even found it difficult to watch soppy love stories.  Anything that even hints at unhappiness or hurt is too painful to see so I try to protect myself by not looking.

I used to think it was because of personal experiences of hurt and betrayal but I have come to the conclusion that when we are going through a rough patch everything hurts, even those things that happen to people we don't know or in the make-believe world. It certainly helps to know other people feel like this because I thought it was just me being silly. I talked to a friend a few days ago about this and he said he felt like that at times and he is not depressed.  So maybe it's a more widespread phenomenon.

Choib has got it right when he said it's just fuel for the fire and also about our brains exaggerating our feelings.  I am going through the same thing at the moment.  Spent all day crying because my psych is starting the process of separation, which I know needs to happen, but I am not ready yet and so everything else gets out of proportion.  Stupid isn't it?  You would think I would be pleased that I am making good progress, but it's hard to think of losing someone who has supported me so much and helped me cope with life.  I know I need to focus on how far I have come but all I can see is making the rest of the journey on my own.  Which is not true yet.

Sorry to hijack your thread. Your feelings just resonated with me.

LING

[HelenM]

Hi Choib and LING

Thankfully I'm a bit better now. My niece rang me later and was very nice. And it's lovely to get your posts. Strangely my posts wasn't showing many hours later and so I thought I hadn't posted properly.

You're both right and it's funny you saying LING but I thought other people weren't like that. Although I did read once of someone who felt upset when she found a toddler's glove on the pavement because it would be missing it's partner! 

As you say Choib we can only do something good in our environment, area of contact, whatever. But I suppose we can hope that we influence other people's behaviour.

I'm sorry LING that your having to go through the upset of losing your psych. It's not stupid being upset. I remember when my doctor retired after 8 years of helping me I was really upset. It's quite an upheaval losing such support. Will you be getting a new psych.

You're not hijacking my thread as I don't need it now. Please use it and see it as re cycling!

Take care both of you

Helen

[geoff]

dear Helen, boy oh boy how this bad news and especially cruelty to any animals with vivisection to them, but I won't go on because that would only stimulate depression for anyone.

It's so hard to escape because other people watch the news and then maybe want to talk about it about how cruel it is, so when they start talking about it just tell them to stop.

I have to agree with LING about separation from their psychologist as I had the same encounter, and yes sorry that it is interfering with your post Helen, but after seeing mine for 20 years she just up and left, without telling me, I was shocked and it was unexpected.

Keeping back to you Helen, I just can't understand how or why people can be so hurtful to children/animals as they don't have any respect for any loss for life, and I wonder why people have faith in any God, sorry if you believe in something as I'm not trying demean anybody for believing in God, but I don't see the justice for this cruelty, there isn't.

Helen if you have a pet try and put it on your photo for this site. L Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Sorry to be such a baby.  My psych is getting me ready to stand on my own as he feels I am now able to do that.  He says I do not believe in myself but I can manage. I know I can't hold his hand, or him hold my hand, whichever round it is, for the rest of my life. I just feel I can't manage yet.  He is really is a fantastic person and psych but when it's time to go I suppose that's it.  I should be pleased but I am grieving as well. Strange isn't it?

Must go

LING