Hi everyone, I'm having ex-boyfriend troubles. Thank you for taking the
time to read my story, any advice is helpful. My ex-boyfriend and I were
together for nearly two years, living together and building a house
together. We had issues, but both agr...
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Hi everyone, I'm having ex-boyfriend troubles. Thank you for taking the
time to read my story, any advice is helpful. My ex-boyfriend and I were
together for nearly two years, living together and building a house
together. We had issues, but both agreed that it was probably because
neither of us had any space due to our tiny apartment and the fact we
work together - familiarity breeds contempt. That is why we began
building, so that we could be fully independent and still have some
space. He was seeing a therapist through work due to his inability to
control his temper (never violent but unable to control his emotions)
and I felt it was really helping him, and we were both longing for our
lease to end so that we could get a bigger place and not be in each
others face so much until the house was built. Then he broke up with me
suddenly nearly two months ago and it devastated me. Since then it's
been back and forth emotionally. For a week after he said we had broken
up he was helping me pack the apartment (our lease had ended) and we
would talk and hug and spend the night together, even though he kept
saying he still wanted to break up. I hoped that a few weeks apart would
help him get over the stress and we would reconcile, but he eventually
said that he didn't love me, didn't want to deal with the stress of the
house, and had no interest in reconciling. I was devastated but accepted
his decision. A few weeks later he had to sign some papers in my office
and ended up staying for three hours, telling me how much he missed me,
that he was having such a hard time, and how upset he was that he had
been afraid to talk to me about how he was feeling when we were
together. We talked about our problems and I know that if we had talked
about it when we were together, we might have resolved things. I
confessed I did want us to try again, but that I was unsure if I could
trust him - he admitted he wanted me back but didn't want to rush into
things. We agreed not to make any hasty decisions and to take it slow,
so when he kissed me and asked to come over I said no, I did want him
to, but it was too much for one day. A few days later we talked and he
told me that he hadn't meant any of the things he said, and that he only
said it to make me happy and still had no interest in a relationship. I
was very upset, as he had been the one to instigate the conversation
about us and had seemed to happy and affectionate when we left. My
mother pointed out he might have felt rejected, so a few days later I
contacted him and we started to talk again. He confessed he was feeling
really unsure, angry and frustrated, and then began talking about
suicide. The only thing that held him back was how upset his family
would be. I was very distressed by this and comforted him, saying I
wanted to be there for him, even if we were not in a relationship. He
admitted that I'm the only person he feels comfortable talking to, and
he's stopped seeing his shrink, but that he doesn't want to hurt me,
hates when I'm upset and doesn't want me to get my hopes up. He asked if
we could go out on the weekend to see the progress on our house, as he
can't face going there himself. I agreed. However a few days later he
said something had come up and he wouldn't be coming - he says that he's
going out with friends but I asked if it was really because he couldn't
deal with the house and he said maybe. I went to see him and we sat in
his car and talked. He talked about suicide again and I tried to
convince him that he needed to see a shrink to help him deal with
everything. I said I felt like he was toying with my emotions but that
I'm trying to be patient and understanding because I feel like he's just
lashing out because hes hurt and confused. He got very upset and angry,
to the point where he was smashing his fist on the console, and made me
get out of the car before speeding off. I tried to contact him, afraid
he was going to do something awful, but he just told me to go away, stop
calling, and blocked my calls. For hours I tried calling off other
phones, and texting, asking that he just respond that he was OK. He
didn't, and I ended up calling his mother and asking her to check on him
while I got in the car to drive out there, fearing the worst. Eventually
he did get into contact, he had turned his phone on silent and gone to
sleep, but it was a truly horrible afternoon. I don't know how to handle
whats going on. He's told me I'm the only person he can talk to, and I
ask why he's pushing me away and he doesn't know. His family has a
history of mental illness, suicide and depression, and I've tried
reaching out to them with my concerns but they just rebuff me. I am
really worried about him and don't know what to do. He won't seek help,
he suppresses how he's feeling around his friends, and keeps changing
his mind about what he wants from me, and pushing me away. I so still
hope for a reconciliation I'll admit, but know there was no chance while
he was so upset, and he's said he thinks we're too far gone to fix
things, and that he doesn't love me anymore. Nevertheless, I still want
to be there for him, because I still care about him so much. I'm afraid
that if I cut him off, he'll do something stupid. And there is a degree
of selfishness, because I don't want to lose him either. I have shown
him this website and asked him to look into it, but he wont. Any advice
would be appreciated. I'll probably show him this post because I think
he does need help, and it might help to get some advice from the
beyondblue community. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
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