Is this all there is?

[darko]

Im an 18 year old guy, and only recently during my unwanted gap semester post high-school (thanks to university requirements) have these thoughts been exacerbated. I dont understand why I even exist in this society. My "friends" dont even acknowledge me and make me feel like im worthless. I have felt like the second choice for everybody for so long I dont even remember if I ever really had a non-fake friend. Ive never been in a loving relationship with a girl, hell even had one interested in me while everybody I know finds the "one" and promptly abandons me. I feel constantly depressed and have episodes where I just feel completely alone. Ive been disassociated with existing for years now and I just zone out all the time. Recently ive been thinking, is this all there is? are these supposed to be the best years of my life? is this really all there is to living, to being in society here on Earth? I feel helpless because I spend most of my time alone and have been taken advantage of by many people who I thought were friends (for hundreds of dollars) as I was just grasping for any social connection. I can't find a job, I will never own a home thanks to the current housing market in Melbourne, I lost a finger because of faulty council equpment, I work out nearly everyday and am in good shape physically but still feel like shit, my chest hurts all the time because of my bad feelings in my head and I feel trapped. The only thing that actually supports me is my music, movies, and videogames, thats about it. This is the first time ive actually stuck my feelings to something tangible, aside from just reposting negative content online.

Has anybody else had these feelings? Who do I even go to for help? how do I even move forward in life when its over before it started? is there something wrong with me? why am I wired this way? 🫩

[Hopeful4life]

Hey, 

hope you’re having a good day. I also feel the same way, after finishing high school I now have 5 months left until university begins and I have never felt this isolated and unconnected before. It’s strange, after finishing high school I thought it would be the best time of my life but in reality it is really depressing seeing the state of the world. It’s really hard to describe the feeling, like there’s no words that would truly do it justice - it reminds me of the song Futile Devices. I just want to remind you that you’re not alone and there’s many young people like us that are struggling. It is extremely brave of you to share your feelings and there’s nothing wrong with needing professional assistance. Take it one day at a time… you’ve got this! 

[Doors24]

Dear Darko,

I acknowledge and empathise with your post and your feelings. Like the other reply, I too feel like this at times.

But I believe for myself what has helped a little, is to remind myself that reality isn't the same as tv, movies or social media. And that society defiantly has unreal expectations on everyone. We all know this, but living it and having the shock of this experience is another thing. 

Sometimes a one step a time approach can be useful. I know that we want to have our future's all planned out and sorted, but reality says we can't jump from A to Z. We have to go through the whole alphabet. And sometimes all you have figured out is A right now. B will be found. It just might not look like what we expect right now.

I would look into the possibility of going to your GP and asking about a Medicare Health Plan. This may help you link to a psychologist. It is a limited service but it could help.

I don't believe there is anything wrong with you. Sometimes our experiences in life set us in one direction mental health wise. We were just never told be anyone else that there is another path you can follow. You are not taught in school about mental health.

You don't need to do this,but before you go to sleep at night can you ask yourself "How did I do a good job today?". I recently started doing this and it was very surprising the amount of things I do in my day,despite how I feel, that I didn't have to, but did them anyway. I do a lot I don't recognize. Even watching a tv series is doing something kind for myself. I just don't view it that way without asking that question.

And perhaps you can start a new project. I am teaching myself how to crochet after I brought an "easy" project from the shops and realized I couldn't do the "basic" instructions labeled on the packet. I acknowledge that crocheting isn't going to change my life. However, it is helping my understand that I like using my hands to create something infront of me. And I am better exploring who I am and then can do things on a daily basis I actually like.

Sometimes it is finding the small moments instead of the big picture.

I hope you are doing well,

Doors24

[Smurf123]

Wow, that is a lot of raw emotions from someone so young. 
first off. Please seek help through your gp or any professional counselling. This may be more than just heavy emotions. 

but let me tell you, I was part of the weirdo group in high school, no one looked at me for a date. I went to uni for 5 years and still no emotional connection. I did however make some amazing friends I’m still in touch with 10 years later, I saved money and travelled the world experiencing wonders I’d never thought I’d see. I saved money and purchased land (waited 5 years before building) and just before 30 I found my love at a random cinema event. 

your life may not turn out the way Hollywood shows in those magical rom coms but you have a lot of control over how you experience it. You’ve only just become an adult, your brain doesn’t fully develop until you are 24. You have years upon years ahead of you. Make the most of it. 
I truly hope you see your worth in this world. 

[therising]

Hi darko

I feel for you, I really do. It can feel seriously brutal when no one warns us about the more challenging times in life. You can kinda be left thinking 'Why am I suffering so much? What the hell is all this about? Am I broken in some way? What's wrong with me?'. So many questions on our quest in life. Btw, if someone was to ask me 'Do you know your ultimate purpose in life?', my response would be 'Absolutely, it's to come to know myself and I have a lifetime in which to do it'. As a 55yo gal, while I face one of the most challenging times in my life at the moment it is also one of the greatest times, as I know myself now better now than I ever did.

There is so much to learn, such as why we suffer, how to master feeling our way through life, how to manage when we have no vision of the way forward or no sense of direction at all, how to gain a better sense of who we naturally are and the list goes on and on and on. I'd say one of the greatest lessons I've learned is 'Life can't be managed without a guide on occasion'. The question becomes, in this case, 'What kind of guide do I need under the circumstances and where do I find them?'. 

It's so important to keep in mind that we spend much of our young life with guides and then they can kinda just fade out. So, it's fair to ask 'Okay, where the heck have all my guides gone? I have no idea where I'm going'. Our parents heavily guide us from day 1, right through to a certain point, then we're kind of on our own. Shouldn't really be this way, as parents hold the potential to be guides for as long as they live. Some don't see it that way, unfortunately. Then we've got teachers guiding us for around 13 years, creating structure in our life and a sense of direction (just follow the curriculum). There may be other guides amongst all that. At 18, bamm, most of our guidance systems have suddenly disappeared. Establishing new guidance systems can make an enormous difference at times.

The ability to feel or sense can come as another challenge. If only we didn't feel or sense the depressing self serving nature of others. If only we didn't feel or sense our lack of direction. If only we didn't sense what feels suffocating or heartbreaking. As a 'feeler' or 'sensitive' we feel/sense for good reason. There's a need to know who is self serving and who is not, a need to know when we're a little lost so that we can seek a guide and  sense of direction, a need to know what is suffocating or heartbreaking so that we can address these things. 

Btw, if you've got a good imagination but you can't imagine or see the way forward at the moment, don't despair. This is not uncommon for seers or visionaries (who can see or envision through their imagination). There are times in life where we can kinda 'go blind'. Vision returns. Usually, when I go through these 'blind' periods, I find people who can see for me. I'm inclined to say to them 'Tell me what I can't see'. I did this with my 20yo son today and he led me to see the things I'm struggling the most with at the moment and why I'm struggling with them. 

[darko]

1. Thanks for taking your time out of your day to reply, I heavily agree with the whole guidance just disappearing at 18. I dont think I recognised I really had any issue until it was too late, and the support systems that were setup through school had been looong gone since then (as the focus was on exams, etc, etc.) I think ive just had issues since I was young with coping about change, I hate change and everytime it happens I try and scramble to join everybody else. Thankyou for your help.

[darko]

Thanks man, sorry about the whole dumping everything out there. I just havent really been able to form words on how ive felt, and ive been too scared to actually speak to anybody about maybe getting professional help. Im afraid of how people might look at me like I have some kind of crutch, and im also frightened of inconveniencing people I know with the burden of being worried about me. I honestly dont know why I feel this way at my age, I guess ive never been really that great at social interactions which kinda created a big gap between people I know, or even people I meet. Its like theres a foggy window between myself and everybody else that rarely clears and gives me the opportunity to communicate. This kind of started when I was 16/17 I think? and its created an inability to feel anything positive sometimes, just creating a permanent alone feeling that follows me. I appreciate your reply, I will probably have to muster up some courage to actually seek help. I have contemplated suicide but I think I couldn't go through with that (I dont wanna hurt people I know) but it gets hard yknow?

[darko]

Thankyou heaps for the reply, I think I may look into what you mentioned with the health plan, as I said in response to other peoples replies I just dont really have enough courage to seek help, and I am deathly scared of other people worrying and bothering about me at all, so im just kinda weighing the options of getting help. I dont want to inconvenience anybody and this is why ive posted here rather than actually speaking to somebody I know. I agree that I should keep in mind that this is just a starting step in my life, but I can't shake the idea of "hey, you feel like absolute shit when everybody says you have no reason to at this point in life, so your an outlier and your alone in that" and general feelings of yknow, just that things wont get better. I appreciate all your comments, and I will probably have to actually think before I decide on how I can change my situation. Thankyou so much. 

[darko]

Thanks man, hearing that other people also have similar thoughts at my age is actually super refreshing to hear. Everybody I know has no thoughts like this, and ive recieved weird looks for even hinting towards it. I felt super isolated in my feelings because of that and I totally agree with your feelings of being disappointed in the state of the world. It feels like theres no step forward on a staircase of life, and rather a huge clifface that is just staring at me. I appreciate your comment tons, thankyou.

[therising]

Hi darko

I find the people who don't need a great deal of guidance are the ones who are high level visionaries. They can see exactly what they want to do, exactly how to do it and exactly what the outcome is going to be like. Doesn't mean they don't struggle at times or come across setbacks, just means they've got a much stronger sense of their course in life (such as a marine biologist who always wanted to be a marine biologist since they were 4 years old). I smile when I say I'm trying to develop my visionary skills and abilities, as I've been a more 'go with the flow' kinda gal most of my life. This has come back to bite me at 55, as now I have to develop a vision of the way forward. I really need to gain a much stronger sense of direction. So, we can have that visionary ability that lies dormant until we're forced to bring it to life. Wish I'd worked on it much earlier in my life. Better late than never😁.

Again I smile when I think about how much easier my life would be if I was a sociopath. Easier for me but not those around me. While this sounds like a questionable statement, I imagine on occasion what it would be like not to be able to feel a sense of guilt or feel a sense of fear, stress, dread or other people's emotions impacting the way I live. I'd make a terrible sociopath, based on how much I feel and how deeply I feel at times. While feeling so deeply can be literally depressing at times, I wouldn't give up ability to feel/sense if you paid me. Being a feeler or a sensitive, there's no choice but to develop skills in these areas. Something else to consider is whether you feel in the same ways as others. While we could be thinking 'What's wrong with me? Why can't I make a connection with others?', there's always the possibility that the people we're trying to connect with just don't feel in the ways we do or think in the ways we do. Strange to consider that we can be trying so hard at times to make connections with largely unfeeling and thoughtless people while, at the same time, be questioning 'What's wrong with me?'.

Perhaps it's easier at times to connect with people based on the feeling we want to generate and experience. For example, if we want to feel the high that comes with risk taking and adrenaline rushes, we might join a skydiving club. If we wanted to feel some sort of peaceful zen like vibe, we'd perhaps investigate group meditation places near us. If we want to feel a connection with people who just love dressing up, we might join a Cosplay community or another community of people who love to get dressed up in some way. Sounds a bit cliche but it's about finding our tribe. Every tribal community has a common interest that unites them in some way (a common sense of unity). Maybe a good question, for a start, could be 'What feeling do I want to be able to sense strongly within myself?'. The next question, 'What type of group or community could possibly offer me that feeling?'. An added bonus is when we find guides of some sort in the community we join.