Is my partner depressed?

[believe248]

Most of the time my partner of 2+ years is in a really good mood, he makes jokes & acts silly, exercises, is really affectionate and caring.

But a couple of times a month, or sometimes even once a week, his mood suddenly takes a nose dive. For a couple of days he totally withdraws, stops eating properly, avoids me or when he does talk to me he's cold or even sometimes rude ir snappy. He is in this mood right now, i believe triggered by the stress he is feeling from losing his job due to Covid. Im not sure if it is depression, given typically he'll bounce back to normal within a day or so.

I really feel for him during this tough time, but I am also a sufferer of anxiety and being suddenly ignored and snapped at makes me really stressed. Its like emotional whiplash. Im trying my hardest to be patient and focus on my own happiness, but it's hard not to feel on edge. Also I'm pregnant with our first child , and it terrifies me as to what will happen if we can't work this out.

I would appreciate any advice as I'm a bit lost on what to do.

[Sophie_M]

Hi believe248,

We're so sorry to hear that you are struggling in your relationship at the moment. We empathise with how difficult it must be to be having difficulties with your partner when you are pregnant. While our community cannot give medical advice or a diagnosis, please know that they are here to support you.

If you feel it might be useful, we'd encourage you and your partner to visit our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. This service includes counselling support, which perhaps you can encourage your partner to access when he seems withdrawn. Many of our members will understand and will hopefully pop by with some kind words of advice. 

[uncut_gems]

Hi believe248,

I'm so sorry to hear about what both you and your partner are going through during this especially difficult time– and with a little one on the way, no less! I'm not a medical professional but I know a little bit about depression as a formal diagnosis, and that it typically is characterized by these moods you're describing lasting for more than a day at a time. There are of course other disorders that may cause this as well, or it may simply be a different problem that your partner needs to work through.

Whatever is causing it, it sounds like it is causing you enough distress for you to gently suggest to your partner that they see a GP for a psychology referral, if only just to have someone to talk to about this stuff. You might even frame it as part of "getting your house in order," so to speak, before the baby arrives because you want both of you to be as happy and healthy as possible. Do you think that's something your partner might be open to?

I don't know a lot about your situation, but from what you say I feel confident that you two can get to this bottom of this together.

Warmly,

Gems