I don't know how to get out of this headspace

[BrendonG93]

Hey all.

I'm a 27yr old gay man, and have been out since I was in my early teens. Throughout most of my school life, I was bullied frequently about being openly gay, which took its toll on my every day life. I feel it is probably a part of the reason I'm here tonight typing this out.

Since leaving school, I've been struggling with self-confidence issues, constant feeling of loneliness, motivation issues, memory decline, lack of concentration, sleeplessness / inability to wake up feeling refreshed, minimal appetite, gaming / movie addiction, distancing myself from family & friends... Even right now I'm struggling to think of what's been going on. The last 10 years or so are, for lack of a better word, blurry. I've even gotten to a point where I was considering contacting the local Army base to see if they would put me through training without being enlisted to join, just to try to snap myself out of this mindset - and to me, that sounds extreme. I've tried seeing a psychologist, at my GPs recommendation, and found that it didn't seem to help me - mainly because of cost, and they would give me 'homework' to do, which doesn't work well with motivational issues. I know change starts with me, as they say, but I simply cannot kick this lazy, lonely, depressing mindset to be able to commit to changing things. Part of me wants to hire my own personal trainer to come around, kick me out of bed each morning and force me into doing things, hence why I thought about the Army training camps.

Loneliness is definitely one of the biggest feelings I have a lot of the time, even when I'm with my closest friends. I often find myself swiping through apps like Grindr, Tinder, Hinge etc trying to find 'Mr Right' in an attempt to soothe the lonely feeling and lack of fulfilment that I have.

Among other issues, I don't even know what career path I would like to follow. I used to have a huge passion for music production, but lost interest in that after I left school. I thought about going into social work recently, as I feel I would excel in that field, especially working with LGBT people, considering I have life experience - but I need to fix myself before I can help fix others, right?

What do I do? I'm totally lost. I can't even save money to move out of home because I compulsively spend. Plus I don't have my license either, but that's a separate issue, or could it be related to my motivation? Who knows.

Any advice, any thoughts - please send them through.

Thanks,

Brendon.

[ecomama]

Hi Brendon

I wanted to touch base with you and ask you how you're feeling today?

I am no expert in what you're dealing with right now but I wanted to extend some compassion for what you've been through and say IT STINKS. I cannot stand bullying grrrrr. It wouldn't surprise me at all if you realise that yes, you have been doing 'other things' to distract yourself from dealing with the pain of the bullying you have suffered.

Tbh I am not sure if an Army camp is exactly what you need right now lol but what a fantastic idea really. Maybe the Army Reserves has openings? a bit of try before you sign up kind of thing lol. Most of my friends who retired from the Army Service were worse for wear after it... just sayin'.

The whole spending thing might be attached to making yourself feel better for a split second?
Could it be a habit or addiction developing? IDK, a mental health professional would be able to help you more on that one.

I am going to say something that SO MANY therapists have told me to do.... self care. My first reaction is that they are not just 1 four letter word but 2 back to back!

BUT I will concede there must be something in it for it to be such a necessary part of recovery.

Want to share a self care thing you plan to do today? I will if you do lol. I have no idea what self care thing to do today but I will think of one ….. ummm .... laugh. Oh better still, I am going to listen to some of my favourite music and maybe dance to it. Maybe dance to music and I might laugh too. What's yours?

Big hugs lovely boy. What happened to you was NOT your fault. There are just some horrible people in the world.

Yours in a rainbow coloured world.

EM

[Gambit87]

Hi Brendon,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your post! I'm straight, so I cant even begin to imagine what you went through coming out and growing up being bullied about your sexuality. I am sorry you went through that.

I can relate to some of the feelings you are experiencing right now especially self-confidence, loneliness and motivation. For years, I didn't really think much of myself, I felt a sadness and loneliness I couldn't describe so I never talked about it, who would want to know about my problems? I felt like I wasn't worthy, even though I had amazing friends and family. Long story short, I had a breakdown about 5 months ago and with the help of psychologist i'm slowly rebuilding myself and I am no longer afraid to talk about my problems.

"but I need to fix myself before I can help fix others, right?" - RIGHT! you hit the nail on the head here.

You mentioned you saw a psychologist for a while - I cant recommend them enough. If you're going to spend money - spend money on your mental health! It will be the best investment you make. You are worth it.

Having no motivation sucks, so when I have no motivation I say to myself 'baby steps' I do a small chore, go for a walk or try and get out and about. You don't want to do it but you feel better after and the more you do it, the easier it gets.

combating self confidence and loneliness is hard, and as hard as it is I think the best way to get around these feelings (well this is what works for me) is getting out there, concentrate on hobbies and try to open up and connect with people.

Self care - It is so important! focus on yourself, say and do nice things for yourself.

I know its hard and its easier and said then done but as soon at you start taking the small steps you'll find yourself taking bigger steps. Something might happen that will cause you to take a step back, but thats ok! you're allowed to have off days. As long as you keep moving forward, there is hope and the future is bright.

I hope this helps a little!