Hi
Living with others isn't easy for you nor the other parties. But then you've got employment issues also preventing independence.
Outside issues can download in a manner that leaves you thinking its medication or the illness that is playing up. I always promote people to aim at the most stable life they can find, in friendships, famly, work and social. Having controversy doesn't help.
That individual thing sis relevant. I often cant tell what illness I have that is directed at what behaviour. However dysthymia is most definitely levelled at sadness. I am extremely sensitive and can go into my shell within moments and not emerge out of it for days. however medication has reduce it all, not eliminated it. My reasoning is that it cant ever be eliminated so being reduced a lot is a good outcome. During the sad period I see sadness in a lot of things, no different to what others feel but much more effective.
I had a school friend once that could never understand this. Then after 30 years of friendship his father passed away. That night we were chatting and I asked how he felt at the gravesite (the first time I'd ever seen him cry) - he said "aweful". I told him that's how I felt in my sadness cycle. He then understood, a bit.
The most effective advice I'd ever got was from a therapist. He told me that while in that sad state that my emotions took me away from reality. That my thoughts were so out of range that it changed my behaviour. So we must realise we are not realistic and focus on the real not the imagination that takes us off to images and places we are not healthy enough to cope with.
But as successful as my medication and stable lifestyle has become I still have times when my mood wants me to walk into the bush away from society altogether. I wouldn't last long. 1981 saw me ride my motorcycle into the Snowy mountain with the intent of never returning to the city. I lasted 5 days, ate a lot of beans and knew I wouldn't last long. I have the ideal now, life in the hills, home, wife, dog and thankfully retired early. I seem to have it all until upset comes. There's no escaping that hurtful, drained sorrowful feeling of dread.
I've learned though to take time out. A few hours alone on a creek bed, watching birds, a platypus, resting. Then I get up and face the world again. And I always will. To not do so would hurt my family.
I'm not in this world to hurt others.
You'll sort yourself out.
Tony WK
