Feeling like everything is going wrong

[Arayofsunshine]

Hi everyone.

I'm new to this.  I just rang the 1300 number and they were very helpful. Unfortunately had to cut the phone call short as my flatmate came home.. 😕

Ive been emotional in the last couple of days. The last few years have been a blur. I think things came crashing down yesterday and today. 

I don't know if its the "monthlys", family stress, work stress or the fact that my ex won't share custody with my dog.  I think it's a combination of the above and that I do shift work and haven't had proper sleep in 4days! 😞 

Work- there's  a little bully... I've been transferred to a different workplace but same company. 

Family- obligation to send money to overseas family.. helping out my sibling with his own demons.  My father was abusive.

I miss my dog. He's a beautiful furchild. Boundless love. Lots if cuddles... 🙂

Sorry I'm ranting... aimlessly.  Hard to type on my phone 😞 

 I cried all day after work. I worked 5am till 1300. Sobs. Tears. A ray of sunshine one day.

Is there a higher power.. a "god". 

Sometimes I feel so lost.. so alone. Yet I feel guilty... cos I'm an adult and should know how to handle my emotions.  

I need a new job. 😞 I need my dog.  🙂

[Florrie_Jo]

I totally understand how you are feeling. My tears have been frequent for the past 6 months..and at embarrassing times. I usually say it's allergy related or I've stumped my toe.

I have suffered depression for 16 years and what I've learned is that the mind chatter is the biggest bastard. I've started meditating again (YouTube) to help stop the "chatter" and it does help. It took me a few goes to get into it and to find the most effective voiceover. 

It is just one coping tool I use. Step back, then small steps. It will get better and I'm sure you will get some great advice from this site.

Take care and I hope you get some sleep soon.

🙂

[HA1]

Hello Arayofsunshine

It was wonderful to read your post - you let it all out.  That is good!!!

I know ht you mean about missing your dog!  I went away for several months to mediate and do my utmost to manage this illness that has plagued me.  My dog is my 'therapy dog'.   She went away away with me living the rough life and never complained once.  All she asked for was to be able to share (or take over) my pillow.

Is there a higher god?  Yes.  Have you tried meditation or mindfulness?  When I went away, these were importnat aspects of my life.  I am not a religious person, but when I get in the 'zone' I do feel that there is something or someone who is listening to me.  I dont want to rabble on too much so I will leave it there.

But if you would like to continue the conversation, well then I am here.

Take caree

K

[Arayofsunshine]

Hi Florrie Jo,

Thank you for your comments of support, I really appreciate it. 🙂

I got to sleep well after all as I worked a night shift today. Unfortunately  I'm toggling am and pm shifts which isn't good for my sleeping patterns which in turn affect emotionally.  😕 

The last 10years I have definitely been going through the motions. I also cry if something enters my head that I find upsetting.  I cry in my car. At home etc. Usually am ok when around people with positive energy. Sad movies affect me greatly. 😕 When something resonates.. I feel it. Perhaps its part of my personality.  

I've also used the "allergy  " excuse to cover sudden tears.  😉 

 I think upon reading various other posts and info on this site, I'm very susceptible to being in a depressive state. Perhaps mild... Seeing the doctor tomorrow so will find out what she says.

Wow 16yrs is a long time... however you sound like have successfully utilized coping mechanisms that suit you. I've done yoga & meditation previously and yes it helps if/when I do it! 🙂 

Some days are just so black that tears turn to sobs and I couldn't breathe. I think yesterday was an eye opener and I'm  glad I'm finally  on this site reaching out to others who would truly understand and won't look at me like... "ummm why on earth  are you crying" kinda look. (Ya know what I  mean  )

Thanks again for your kind words.

Cheers,

Di

[Arayofsunshine]

Hi Hideaway,

Thanks for your comments and advice, it's muchly appreciated!  🙂

Yeah I needed to just ramble on and didn't want to twitter it or pop it on FB. 😕 This site is a much better platform to discuss/ rattle on about the issues at hand. 

My cute bundle of joy is only 10km away and yes I miss him terribly. I'm negotiating custody but it's been a little crazy to say the least!!! 😕

Time away for relaxation sounds amazing!  Sounds like you two had a ball! My dog certainly opened up a part of my heart that I didnt know existed  ( I was afraid of dogs as a kid.... He's  a little poodle cross) 🙂 😉 

I do believe in a higher power... ....Like a universal energy that our brain and energy can tap into.  I'm not religious either... more spiritual I think. 

I've tried meditation & yoga years ago. .. trying  to get back into  it... 

I know my journey is filled with forks and obstacles. I know cognitively what coping skills I can try/ utilize and who to turn to.. friends, family, doc etc

Sometimes its hard to "dump"  ones emotions to friends who mean well.... but I  don't want to always do that to them  as I  know it can be draining. Having said that, the beauty of this forum is that one can pop in& out at one's leisure without judgement from others. 

Thanks again and if you want to rabble on, do so. I'm  all ears! 🙂

I'm  glad you and Florrie Jo replied as I feel very welcome on this sites's online community. 

[saturnzoon]

I feel the same a lot of the time,I had to ring ATAPS just before as I had a complete meltdown just cause I lost my crochet hook in my bag, I couldn't help it but I turned my whole lounge room upside down chucking everything on the floor and I still couldn't find it, my older son thought I'd gone nuts  but you just go into anxiety mode crying and angry at the same time and I just could not get out of it, I'm suppose to have a worker to help since hospital but have only seen her once and she has rang once over the month I've had to contact the triage to get her to ting me cause I'm getting worse and that was Monday and Tuesday and still not heard from here and it makes me really angry and think well if they can't be bothered to ring you when your asking for help I then think what's the use of being here then, I have mediation things on my phone that I use sometimes to help or I use distraction techniques  but depending on what's going on it doesn't always work, so right now I've taken some medication to calm down so I can go back and fix the lounge room, I believe in a higher power as well but sometimes think OK its enough and can't do it anymore.

I have no friends to talk to and am so glad to have this sight where we don't get judged and chantry support each other when we find hard.