Im not coping

[Captain T]

Hi all. I just need to get this out somewhere. I am in a very dark place. I feel as though someone is sitting on my chest and have so much emotional pain yet feel numb at the same time. Im alone and lonely. I hate myself and who I am. I am so tired of fighting to get well and when I go to bed I pray to not wake up. I can’t keep going on like this. I need to get better

[Captain T]

Today I have the feeling of no hope. I know that there is and I have seen it. But today I can’t see it. 

[Bob_22]

Hi Captain T,

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you. Thank you for the update and for checking in with me. The art classes and study have been going great. I enjoy actually working on something in art class and having something to show for my efforts by the end of it. It also helps distract me and gives me something to do on weekends. 

I'm sorry to hear you have trouble seeing hope at the moment. How are the medication changes going? I know from personal experience, the first few weeks of changing or starting a new medication (especially anti depressants) can be really tough. 

Please don't be sorry at all. It is good to hear from you and I would prefer you reach out when things aren't going well. How is work going?

Bob

[Captain T]

It’s been a while. Sorry.

Hope all is well in your world and you are still enjoying your job. I hope you have something nice planned for Easter. 

The medication changes have helped with my anxiety. Which is good. However it’s not helping with my moods. Last week I was high but with no energy or motivation. This week I feel pretty low and still no energy or motivation. I think last week was a mixed episode. 

I have a lot going on. Dad was in hospital for a week. I’ve had a heap of tests checking for breast cancer. That all came back negative which is good. I have been diagnosed with vitiligo which is a skin disorder and usually comes with an autoimmune disease. Now there is a lot of tests trying to find if I do or don’t have one. If so which one I have. 

I’ve also had 2 suspicious moles cut out. So also waiting on the results of them. 

I have done some of my house work today which is a good thing I guess. I just can’t be bothered to finish it. 

I want to go back to last week. At least I was happy and laughing. 

I hate myself and my life today. 

Will this ever get easier? 

[Bob_22]

Hi Captain T,

Thanks for the update. Its nice to hear from you. My Easter has been very relaxing thank you. Just been at home, watching footy and been on the forums a little. 

It's so good to hear that you're anxiety has eased up with the medication. I know a month ago or so you were talking about how bad your anxiety was getting especially with your nan passing. I'm sorry to hear about your medical struggles. My friend has vitiligo but it seemed to disappear by itself when he got older and changed up his diet. I hope the tests come back okay. 

I hope your mood starts to stabilise. As I mentioned, the first few weeks to months on a new medication is a bit of a testing period and it takes a while to kick in. Please keep in touch with your nurse and let us know how you're going. 💙

Bob

[Captain T]

I’ve lost all hope of a good life. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Captain_T,

We're sorry to hear that. Thanks for sharing an update. 

Is there anything that's helped you recently that you might lean on while you're feeling like this? We're sure your friends here would like to hear a bit more about what's going on for you. Please feel free to share if you feel comfortable. 

In the meantime, our team will be reaching out to you privately to check you're ok. We hope that's alright with you. If you'd prefer to reach the team directly, you can do so on 1300 22 4636 or online here.

Thanks again for sharing here, Captain_T. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Guest_1055]

Oh I know that feeling Captain T " Losing all hope for a good life". It's so hard isn't it. Sometimes I don't even know what a good life is meant to look like.

Does it help you by writing a list of things that you are thankful about at all. I have tried that. Just consentrate on the softness of your pillow and how nice your head feels on it. Just simple things mostly. The happy times with your dog. Anything that pops into your mind about your dog that you like.Could even be floppy ears. 

Think I will write this thankful list myself, as I too am over this life. 

Hope you feel better , but even if you don't that is ok too 

[quirkywords]

Captain_ T, I am sorry you feel you have lost all hope of a good life. 
When things go wrong one can feel like it is all dark and one can’t see light or hope in the future.

sophie has given some suggestions. 
I take one day at a time and that can help.
one time I never thought I would never have life without extreme  moods .

i took many years but it did happen.

[rubytiger]

I feel the exact same

[Bob_22]

Hi Captain T,

Sorry it's been a while to get back to you. I'm sad to hear you are hopeless. How did your medical tests go? Are you struggling with the med changes?

Bob