Hi Matty,
I am glad the first day went well. I have never been on a cargo ship, it sounds exciting. 🙂
In regards to your family and your day; it would probably be too personal to tell us on here and that's understandable. If I remembber right you also can't contact your family, even by letter. It sounds however like you need to express how your day went to someone, preferably them.
So here's a suggestion: How about you write a letter to them, saying all the things you would have when you got home and the answers to the questions you think they would ask. Like I said, I know you can't send this to them. So instead, how about writing in a notebook. One of those big, thick, non-spiral bound ones that are sometimes impossible to tear pages out of so you won't be tempted to send it to them.
If you think you will be tempted to send it to them, maybe try hiding it at the bottom of a stack of boxes so in a bad mood it will be hard to get to. If you have a friend you can trust not to read it (if you don't want them to) give it to them and only get it off them to write another letter before giving back to them. If you aren't good at writing, you could even tape a series of videos. If said friend had the camera and hard drive with videos, you couldn't possibly send it to them.
If it helps, just keep writing it in it and tell them this way how your days went over this two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, when you get to see your kids again, if you want you can show them the book/videos. That way they will know about how your day went, day by day.
Not to mention in the meantime, when it gets you down that you can't talk to them, you can hold on to that book and think of them, smiling about a funny anecdote you wrote down from work. You can hold onto that.
One last thing- crying is good. Crying is release. There are times when i wish I could cry and I can't. If you are crying, you need to. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
Just a suggestion, don't feel you have to do it or even try it. In fact, after htis message I won't ask about my suggestion unless you bring it up. So if you don't do it I won't ever know. I won't ever ask. If you want me to know you can tell me.
I am curently damn scared myself over appointments this week, so we can huddle in fear together at the least.
Take care and talk again soon,
GA
