If I have to do this alone, where do I start?

[Mares73]

Hi all

Geoff and I are in the middle of a discussion about this which we are working thru separately.

several weeks ago I was suicidal, my thoughts were out of my control & I would of done anything to feel better but nothing worked-it took time & talking on here to get through that terrible period. I'm now seeing my Pyschiatrist again & she believes I've gone as far as I can with medication. That there are issues in my life I need to confront in order to ever get better.

i wondered what you all thought? I'd always believed it was so debilitating that there was nothing I could do but endure it.

But now I've been told depression can be overcome by improving Selfesteem, having a purpose, challenging negative thoughts & confronting my fear & avoidance. My pysch said 'depression doesn't control you unless you let it'. She also suggested a book called "Beating the Blues" which doesn't provide for depression except challenging behaviours. 

i feel overwhelmed. If I have to do this alone, where do I start?  Would appreciate opinions Lve Mares

[Jo3]

Hi Mares,

You know this is exactly what my psych tells me.  I need to work through my issues and even if it's difficult to look at them and work through them, I need to.  I am like you - no self esteem, no confidence in anything, hate to challenge my negative thoughts and confront my fears.  So I avoid them.  Even in my sessions I will try to avoid the subject my psych brings up.  And if he does I tell him to change the subject - but he says no let's work through it. Then I hate him - but deep down he is right.  I am just pushing down further my problems without even bothering to look at them and work through it.

I think Mares, if you can work with your psych together you will get there.  It is going to take time, I am still working through my issues and it's been 4 years now since therapy.  There are days where I hate it, I hate him but I still go back.  Why? Because I want to get better, I don't want to stay where I am in this negative world of my mind.

I want to improve my self confidence, and I know I can't do this on my own so I need his help still.

Mares, work through it with your psych, slow steps, break it down.  I can't remember - but have you tried DBT therapy yet?  If not, I have started it late last year and still working through it - but it is good.  I do this with my psych and together we go through a chapter at a time and then I have homework to do or practice what I learnt.

Hope this helps a bit, I have digressed a bit, sorry!

Take care my friend Mares

Jo xxx

[Mares73]

Jo I have been looking for DBT courses in Sydney and a good book/workbook. Would you mind helping me, I need a group near Bondi Junction. If its too much that's ok. We are going through similar things. My biggest question is-DOES DEPRESSION DEFINE WHO WE ARE & WHO ARE WE BEYOND IT. I wouldn't have a clue-it terrifies me. But I have been thinking of DBT & couldn't find much so if you can find me a program/12week session etc & recommend a book and a workbook I'd appreciate it. Much love, mares xxx

[guest75]

HI Mares

I believe what you were told is probably true for some people but not neccesarily all

I was certainly true for me - Having Tara in my life, us being together i believe was a major cause of my depression.  Then pining for her wanting her back was making it worse when she took out the IVO.  Since being able to step back from that relationship and see it for what it was, and move on from it, i feel 100% better.  Tara and I were not good for each other, we had to finish up, and probably a long time before we did, but neither of us wanted to admit, but since we have i am a lot happier and she probably is too which would lead to hte kids being happy

So i think it can be fixed by making changes, but it wont work for everyone

[scorch]

Hi Mares

I think your psych is on to something.  I know for myself that I have learned to manage my symptoms and negative thoughts/feelings by choosing to recognise when my feelings are lying to me, be objective with how I think about myself and thus learning to love myself.

I don't know if it will help you, but what I do is take my feelings out of the equation and try to look at my life as if I was looking at a stranger's life.  Like, I believe that all people are created equally, with equal worth regardless of who we are, where we're from or what we've done... so, even though I feel like I am worth less than everyone else - if I eliminate my feelings for a moment and look objectively... according to what I see as truth, it's impossible for me to be worth less than others, and therefore my feelings are lying and I should not trust/listen to them.

I don't stop feeling them, but the feelings lose power over my mind.  I can recognise the truth even if I don't feel it... and I make a choice to follow the truth instead of being sucked in by the easy option of believing the lie.

It's exhausting, and sometimes I slip.... but I can always come back to the truth because once you recognise it, it's there for life.  It can't come from anyone else, it has to come from you.

Gah, that's the worse explanation ever.  I really hope you get what I'm trying to say... it's about taking control back from the feelings that lie, to see the truth behind the lie, and accept the truth and move forward with it.

If I hadn't have learned how to do this, I would have been dead by age 19.

Does what I say make any sense at all?  I wish I had a plug that could connect directly from my head to yours so that I can explain without pesky words making everything confusing. 😕  That way you would know exactly what I'm trying to say, and I could show you how much better it makes things.

[JessF]

Hello Mares, from reading your posts over time and about all the horrible things that have happened to you in the past, I am quite surprised that a psych has not said this to you before now. I had assumed that at some point you had already tried working through your past trauma. I think at a certain point it can be very unhelpful just raking up old wounds if we are not being helped to put the past into context and being given new strategies to cope, but by the same token I don't think we can ignore our past completely as it has shaped the way we think and act today.  Have you ever heard of 'schema therapy'? Maybe google it if you have time, this is what I have been doing with my psych, it's like getting an emotional map made of how you react to things in life and why based on things that have happened to you in the past. And we all know what we can do once we have a map (I'm actually not good at following directions but I think you know what I mean here!)

[Suzbj]

Hi Mares, In answer to your question. Does diabetes define a person? Or cancer? Or any other illness? I heard something recently that stuck out to me. I can’t remember where I heard it. It goes something like this...(just googled and found it online), “Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens, not by what life brings to us, but by the attitude we bring to life”. If a person’s sugar levels are through the roof, that is not the definition of who they are. If a person is in serious pain from cancer, that is not the definition of who they are. If a person is experiencing a depressive episode or other mental illness, though in the depressive state, that person is extremely sad, pounded by the dark negative thoughts and paranoia, exhausted and feeling like throwing in the towel, that IS NOT the definition of the person. That is the illness. Keep fighting and growing. That’s what I’m trying to do. Thoroughly exhausted but still going. Cheers Suz xx

[geoff]

dear Mares, good idea for asking other people.

What they are saying is what I was trying to make the point, so let's look at Matty first, ' to step back from that relationship and see it for what it was, and move on from it, i feel 100% better', and Scorch ' accept the truth and move forward with it', plus ' can always come back to the truth because once you recognise it, it's there for life.'

Also what JessF said ' very unhelpful just raking up old wounds if we are not being helped to put the past into context and being given new strategies to cope', so if you wrap all of these comments up they relate back to what I was saying in my long reply. L Geoff. xx

[Mares73]

Thanks so much all of you & Geoff I can't thankyou enough, I hope I can run things past you more back in the other message. But to Jess -yes I did go for therapy on 2 occasions and both times the therapists were so overwhelmed they couldn't treat me!!  It was crazy. So this is my last chance with a Pyschologist. Lve Mares xxx

[geoff]

dear Mares, I typed a rather long reply to you on the other post, well not that long, but I will have to wait to see if it appears, because it came up with system error again, so if it doesn't appear then I will have try again. L Geoff. xx