I said something terrible..

[Scarlett06]

Hi everyone.
tonight I have said something terrible to someone and I feel so horrible. A man replied to my ad I posted about selling some old toys. He was being extremely rude to me and I couldn’t tolerate it any longer. I told him to “k*ll himself” and then blocked him. I would never even dream of doing this to anyone. As someone who has attempted suicide many times, this is the most insensitive thing I could say. I wasn’t thinking and it was in the spur of the moment. I hate myself for this and I don’t know how I will ever be able to forgive myself. I apologised to him sincerely, and told him I didn’t mean it. This is the lowest I have ever gone. I can’t get lower than this. How do I fix this? How can I restore my goodness ? I am not this type of person. I am a good person. I don’t know what to do. Someone please help me I am struggling.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Scarlett,

Welcome to our forums, and I can hear that right now you are in a lot of distress over what has happened. 

It's understandable why you would be feeling upset over what you've said, but I think it's also important to acknowledge the regret that you feel over your actions, and that you have apologised to this man and done everything you can to set things right. Something that can be just as important as making reparations is also forgiving ourselves; recognising that what we did was wrong, learning from the experience, and learning to move forward while knowing that this doesn't define us as a person.

I'm sure that the rest of our community will chime in later about this as well, but in the meantime we have also sent you an email to check in with you, so if you could keep an eye on your inbox, that would be great.

Sophie
 

[Scarlett06]

Thank you Sophie.

Im not sure how to forgive myself, as I know how it feels to have someone say the same thing to me, it hurts a lot.
He said he has reported and posted it on a Facebook page. I’m scared I’m going to loose my job or the police will contact me. I did not mean it. I sent a video of me saying it too.
How do I fix this?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Scarlett,

The process of self-forgiveness can be a really hard thing, and it is something that takes practice as well. One way you can try to go about this, is imagine if a friend or someone else you cared about told you about the situation and how bad they felt; what would you say to them? What would you want them to do?

In terms of what is happening on Facebook, I can understand why you might feel scared, and I want to ask if you might be able to talk with your parents, or any other adult in your life, about what's been going on? The reason I ask is that I know there is definitely a way for you to move forward from all of this, and I think a good way to try and fix this is to talk about this with someone that you trust.

If you don't feel comfortable talking about this with anyone, please consider giving us a ring at our Support Service at 1300 22 4636 to chat or Kids Helpline at 1800 55 1800.
 

[Croix]

Dear Scarlett06~

I agree it is not a good thing to say, but I also think that to judge yourself as if you were a person who did not have a mental health condition is a big mistake -one I fell into and that made me even morel likely to attempt to take my life again as my opinion of myself was even lower.

You mentioned you had tried to take your life before. If you are at all like I was then I simply wanted things to stop, and go back to the good times I used to have. Killing myself and stopping the horrible world I was in were at the tme for me the same thing.

You said this person gave you a hard time and you in anger and frustration told him to stop in a most direct way.

As I said, not good, but also perhaps not quite as you feel it to be. With courtesy on his part none of this would have happened, and for most people the words wold not have had the same force.

It is ironic, your good nature is chiding you for somethng you did. It shows you to be a good person who has been pressed too hard by life, not just this man.

It gave you a shock I'm sure that so much pent up emotion was there and came out in such a strong statement. I doubt you will do it again, the memory of this will help you.

Frankly I'm more concerned, not with this isolated incident when you said something regrettable, but the idea that you have tried to take you life in the past. I also worry that the memory of this incident will lead you to despair and a place of no hope and you might try again

I found a better life and now am very glad I did not kill myself. At the time i could see no way out and would simply not have believed someone if they had told me the bad times would pass. After all I thought the faults were in me, so how could things change?

If you do start to feel overwhelmed by this give the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) a call -you can do so more than once without repeating your circumstances, or use their web-chat. They are professional, patient knowledgeable and can be a real comfort.

It is basically the same as the Kids Helpline at 1800 55 1800. (which also has chat) that Sophie listed for you.

Do you mind if I ask what is in your life to drive you to these ends, and if you are getting proper medical support (like a good GP plus psychologist)?

Also do you have any one, family or freind to talk with who will listen and care without judgment or tying to "fix"?

Facing all this on your own is harder than it needs to be.

I hope we talk some more

Croix

[geoff]

Hello Scarlett06, firstly, can we offer you a warm welcome to the site.

How you were feeling before, during and after this person who you don't even know was rude to you, is no different to what you replied back to him, he also should have apologised to you, and when anybody we don't know is rude to us, then we say the first words that come into our mind.

Of course, you meant no harm, you're not actually talking to a friend or a sibling or someone close to you, then to overcome this, you have to tackle it a different way, in a much harder manner, but this unknown person was rude, you don't know who he is or what he looks like, it was an 'off the cuff' remark and I'm positive he would not have taken it any other way.

You have apologised and I'm sure he didn't, please rest easy and take care.

Geoff.

[Scarlett06]

Thank you for your reply Croix.

it’s been a while since the incident.

what you have said has really helped me understand, I thank you.

I am getting the medical help I need. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist as well as my school counseller regularly.

I am feeling much better about what happened and have forgiven myself, but also have learnt from my mistake.

Thanking you, Scarlett.

[Croix]

Dear Scarlett~

I'm very comforted to know you have three professionals who are helping you get to a better state.

It's not something that happens overnight even wiht the best of help so please don't be too disappointed if sometimes in the future you do not live up to your own expectations. Stress makes us all liable to give in no matter waht genuine resolutions one has made.

I'm glad you have forgiven yourself, it means you have recognized your life was simply pressing you too hard.

Croix