Ian, mate - what a tough set of cards you've been dealt.
Mate, I just wanted to offer my authentic perspective, in case an outsider's point of view might help you find clarity. Clarity is what I think you need, because you sound overwhelmed, like under relentless attack by circumstance and getting further ground down.
First, where it's coming from: I was an emancipated child, left home young (single mother was an addict, really bad domestic situation), escaping that gave me a new outlook and lease on life. But I do have a pretty deep understanding of addiction, not just from my childhood, but also my first significant relationship - where I chose a damaged person like my mother in a Freudian attempt to 'fix' them. Anyway, in my later adult life things were going great, but I got hit by a stage 4 head & neck cancer, 6 months to live, and 3 young kids who I cherish left in the wake. I fought, and luckily 4 years later I appear to have won. But I've also suffered depression, isolation, all that kind of stuff.
So I have at least some understanding of substance abuse, suffering and mental illness.
My advice would be to take a day and step back from your life. Just walk, sit on the beach, whatever. Empty yourself. And after that bit of a rest, do a stocktake, list out the things that are good and bad in your life. No judgement or strategy, just a list, it might look something like:
Good: My daughter, my parents, my friends, call of duty, skinnydipping,
Bad: my growing anger, custody, my ex, my drinking, my feeling of worthlessness
Sorry if any of this sounds silly, please feel free to ignore it utterly - but what I'd suggest is listing out those things, and then distilling the list down to individual problems, benefits and strategies. You can't tackle the whole thing at once (or actually, I sincerely believe you CAN, but it requires a very specific approach and mindset that might be hard to reach). But yeah, if you break things down into components, and say "this month I'm going to solve one only"
What I think will happen is, as the ball of "bad" stuff starts to untangle, the good stuff will have a stronger and more sustained influence. I'm not wanting to trivialise your problems, mate. I'm so sorry you struggle.
But lets say you start with the drinking. No other problem in life, just that. Strategy: join a support group, go to AA, and DECIDE, be RESOLUTE that you'll pull it back. As you do, you'll find other stuff gets easier AHH WORD LIMIT
