I need to leave society

[ToLate]

Hi

I'm new here, so I guess hello to everyone.

I think it's time for me to live in the bush with a tent. I guess that it means becoming homeless

I have given up on people totally. I'm a 40 year old male and all my life has been pain and suffering. I suffered from mental, physical and emotional abuse from my parents, sexual abuse from a teenage girl, extreme bullying in school. I'm not talking about what kids talk about now. I'm talking about having zero friends, constantly teased by peers and even teachers. Having my school work shown to the whole class while teachers made me stand in front of the class.

I had issues at school with ADHD and Dyslexia.

I've had relationships but have always ended up being cheated on or the other person turned out to be horrible. Plus only have a couple of friends

I used to have a successful career, earning good money etc but the stress of the job and relationship at the time destroyed me. I haven't been working since 2010.

I've had to stay living with family which I feel deeply embarrassed and shamed about. So in the last few years I've practically removed myself from society except for the fish keeping community.

I met someone online about a couple of months ago. She is only in her mind 20's but we both seemed to connect very quickly and strongly (something that I seem to do easily). Until today where the whole age thing made her do the "let's be friends only" talk

I'm tired of humans, I've lost any and all empathy. I feel deeply that I would enjoy seeing all humans suffer. Now
I'm not about to hurt people but I sure as hell won't stop someone suffering even if I could.

I'm tired of everything, and it's not something any mental health expert or medication will help. It's like my spirit is dead.

I believe I need to live society, it's actually illegal to just live in the bush but I'm worried about being pushed any further. I think it's safer for everyone for me to do this.

Sorry for the long story but I needed to get it off my chest

[ToLate]

Sorry meant "I believe I need to leave society"

Also will add that I'm in about $40k of debt. But what can they do to me that life hasn't done

[Sophie_M]

Hi ToLate,

Welcome to our caring, thoughtful online forums community. Here, users give and receive support to each other based on their own experiences with mental health, some of which will resonate with yours.

We think you are so brave to have reached out to us today to share a little of your journey with us and we are grateful to you.

We are sorry for what you've been and are going through and hope you find here the support you're looking for. While the peer support offered here is often quick, it's important to remember it is not immediate. For immediate support, please don't hesitate to reach out to the qualified mental health professionals at our Support Service anytime day or night on 1300 22 4636 for brief counselling, support and referrals. 

Once again, thank you for joining this community. Please check in with us whenever you feel up to it.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Firstly, I have bipolar2, dysthymia etc, my wife is dyslexic and has depression.

I'm 64yo. At 17yo I joined the Air Force. I left at 20yo and worked as a prison officer for 3 years then my brother suicided. It was then I chose to leave society as girlfriends weren't working out and I hated being bullied by managers or work colleagues.

Five times I left to enter the Bush and each time I had to return. The last time I realised that a half way bush/city life was manageable so moved from the city to a small country town. It had a railway station, 2 hours drive from the city, a hospital, medical centre and supermarket.

I received mental health support and found I had bipolar, my sister and daughter have the same and likely my late brother also. It all added up-and-coming mental illness can be responsible for us to take flight away from society.

So, I understand totally and therefore ask you to consider a life in the country, get a local job and rent a country shack/cottage. You'll feel so isolated you'll feel alone but you'll afford the very basics of food /roof/medical /dental etc etc. Locals will slowly get to know you and offer you work. Country people are easier to talk to.

So by all means reject society but only to a level that serves you positively not risk destroying all hope.

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[ToLate]

Thanks I'm not sure how any therapy could help. I see a doctor every week but what I'm feeling and seeing my future there's no help really

[ToLate]

Hi Tony,

I'm not scared of not being able to survive in the wild. To me say 2 months of peace and dying out there seems so so much better then living the rest of my life in pain and lonely.

I guess I big part of my issue is this absolute loneliness and emptiness. People say what about family etc. It's a different loneliness.

My issue is not having worked for so many years, getting a job looks almost impossible

[white knight]

Hi to late

Thankyou for replying.

Can I be bold and suggest that you could be lacking positivity to an alarming degree?

If that's the case I went through a life changing experience at 26yo.

Please Google

Beyondblue topic 30minutes can change your life

I'm happy to keep exploring this.

TonyWK

[ToLate]

Hi Tony

I'm 100% convinced my life is never meant to be positive. Even they daily crap that happens to me people think I should write a book about.

I'm even to the point of thinking there's some "evil" spirit that is causing it.

But that might be the alcohol talking lol

[white knight]

Hi to late

You ate intelligent. That's clear to me.

You know there's something wrong with your life, that the ongoing events isn't normal.

Yet you don't seem to embrace getting professional help. E.g. psychiatric care.

The above avenue could result in a surprise diagnosis that medicine and /or therapy could make a dramatic difference.

One of my illnesses is dysthymia a low constant depression. The remedy is an ultra low dose of anti depressant. That changed my life.

Sometimes we need to ignore our train of thought that isn't logical nor benefits us and go down the wiser path to self preservation.

Life can be great but we have to fight for it. I know you haven't that desire, but isn't it worth trying that type of approach?

TonyWK

[ToLate]

Hi Tony,

Thanks for all your kind words. I see a doctor every week and another every 3 months for years.

I've been on almost every medication out. One type I'm still suffering side effects of years after taking them.