I'm worried about my job due to my mental health absences

[Catanddog]

Long story short - depression and anxiety on and off since I was 10. 28 now, been with my current employer for almost 8 years. Managed myself for most of that, structure has changed with a lot more middle management in place now, which has added a lot of stress and changes to my routines. Used to be a daily drinker, quit mid last year and been struggling a lot more ever since. Placed on SSRI by psychiatrist late last year, success with massive reduction of anxiety. Quite a lot of time over the last year taken off of work due to mental health.

Brings me to now: stopped social outings almost completely, ordering food in, not taking care of hygiene, playing more video games because it occupies my mind. Previously when I've hit these depressive slumps I start getting anxious which alerts me to what is going on. SSRI = no anxiety so I've somehow reached the most depressed point I've ever been without even realising. In my mind this is how I wanted to spend my time. Depression is 10x worse in the mornings, I literally got excited the other week when I woke up with a cold so I wouldn't have to go in to work. Battle to get out of bed, when I do I rarely get to work on time. Impulsive spending is out of control.

It's gotten to the point I'm scared to even tell work I'm not able to come in, my boss has stopped asking how I am. He seemed understanding early on but I guess he's reached his limit on tolerance. I'm a hard worker every second I am at work which is recognised. I have messaged my old sort-of boss I can trust who's higher up for her advice. Previously I could work the hours I needed, like if I needed a few hours in the morning to compose myself I could stay back later that night, with new management I am not able to do this anymore.

I can't bring myself to go into work this week. I can't bring myself to tell my boss that I can't come in. I have booked an appointment with my psych for Thursday. I've got a mortgage and a car to pay off and I'm terrified if something happens to my job I'm screwed.

I don't even know if I'm looking for advice, but typing this out has helped me process some of the crap running through my head at least. Aaahhhh

[Lov3]

Hi catanddog,

I hope your feeling a little better. It’s super stressful when you just need time off work but have to work to pay the bills! The horrible thing with depression and anxiety is you really don’t know how long you need to get yourself functioning properly.

I’m in a similar situation at the moment myself. Been in my job over 11 years now. There has been a lot of bad changes at work due to losing and not replacing our manager. With work stress and life stress things became too much. I too started having time off here and there towards the end of last year. My boss was never really supportive but I now am treated negatively because of this. Also during this time I spent a lot of money trying to perk myself up.

I took today and yesterday off, because I just can’t deal with going in. But then I feel so guilty and worried so it’s not really been Therapeutic.

I don’t know what advice to give but just want you to know you not alone.

[Sheogorath]

Hi Catanddog

Just dropping by to say hello and let you know that you're not all alone here. I was just reading your post and it sounds horrible indeed. It's the most frustrating thing in the world wanting to do stuff, but just not being able to. I'm glad that just posting has already helped clear your mind a little.

I can see that you're trying very hard, and you've already had some successes along the way - good job quitting drinking, and well done dealing with the short term problems that going dry created. You're also on the right track by booking an appointment with your psychologist; picking up the phone can be one of the hardest things to do in this state.

I get the feeling that your company is sympathetic to your condition. You've told your old sort-of boss and that shows that you value your job and that you are trying. Had you been missing the same amount of work for some physical problem, nobody would bat an eyelid, would they?

So look forward to Thursday - a couple more days and someone will be there to help you take the next step, and the next, and the one after that!

Regards, S

[DannyG]

Hi catanddog

i can understand where you’re coming from, i experience the same thing. I have trouble getting up in the morning and getting to work on time. Once I’m there I work really hard and have no trouble with the job itself. It’s the depression that impacts my ability to do it.

I lost my last job mostly due to this (other factors as well, restructure, new management) etc. it sounds like your old boss is a good person to have in your life, keep that going if you can.

But of course I have to pay the bills so I keep going. I don’t know if this is of help to you but I am thinking of working part time to lessen the stress on myself. Of course there is the option of telling your boss about your depression but my experience with this has not been positive.

[MyCatIsBlack]

Hi Catanddog..

I know how you feel. When I started work, I was open with them about my mental health issues. Whenever I change supervisors, I alert them about potential relapses (especially now that I'm in a position with more responsibilities), how I usually manage them and what they can do to support me. Most of my supervisors have been very supportive, others not so much. I think it's being brave enough to tell them. What I sometimes do if I'm not going so well is reducing my work hours. That way, I don't take sick leave but am able to work and recover (after all, I believe taking part in a meaningful activity is part of recovery). Hope that helps