Ok.
A lot of things against you right now. But dont forget, its not like these things are a whirlpool, pulling you downwards. Every day, is another chance, to do what is right, to make positive changes, even if small at first. The next day, do a little more, try a little more (if you want to).
I've been so depressed I thought everything and especially myself were crap and a waste of time. Its hard to see "the light" when you are in the dark. But don't forget, that actually darkness is just an absence of light!! Do you get it? You are focussed on the darkness, when the light is really what you should. (This applies to all of us and yes much easier said than done and the point is, dn't bereate yourself for not seeing things positive but make an effort to do, and give, and be a part of, positive things, positive people, positive movies, books, and especially those things you enjoy and have some skill at).
Since you sound very intelligent I would suggest some intellectual pursuits which involve a social elment. Volunteer.
Inject yourself into these positive, productive pursuit, espeically at a community giving level like volunteering, and not only it will help you depression you will even forget your troubles and begin feeling valued!!
You just need to have the courage to go beyond your own self-image and fear of rejection. In some ways this is easy, because courage is something you can practice, whether you are innately courageous or not!! Just be courageous, take a step! ANd even if people judge you, then you can write them off anyway for being small-minded and judgemental of only what they see at the surface, so who cares!!
I know some of this is easy to say, but believe me, its a LOT easier than being at home, letting yourself feel vicitim of depression. Talking from expereince lol.
Good luck
