I just want to be normal

[Gal12]

Ive suffered depression and anxiety for years, I have good days and I have horrible days but lately there all horrible nothing makes it better, it's starting to affect my job because of my constant mood swings, my friends are sick of it and I don't blame them I wouldn't want to hang out with me either, I've tried everything and nothing has helped, I've been on so many different meds and they also have done nothing! I just want to feel happy and normal I don't even know what it feels like anymore to be happy it hurts to smile. No one ever listens to me they always just say I'm seeking attention or being a drama queen, I don't know what to do anymore, I can't even get out of bed somedays all I want to do is lay under my doona and cry! I'm not asking for help or anything at all really I just want to get it off my chest and for someone to listen to me, and ask does anyone else feel like this. 

[HA1]

Dear Gal12

Welcome to the forum and thanks for reaching out.  Let me assure you that you are 'normal' . I am sorry that you are going through a bad spell.  I think I can understand how you feel. I felt exactly like you have described for a significant period of time, until slowly but surely I was starting to feel better.

I wonder whether you have recently been changing your meds or the dosage of the meds?  The dose that have been prescribed to has a huge effect. For example, I was at my worst when I was on the highest dose, probably as bad as when on lowest.  If you have recently changed, then (as you probably already know) that can also affect how you feel.  

I and many others are listening so please post again and let me know how you are going.

Please take care

K

[Gal12]

Thanks hideaway, 

No I haven't changed my meds for about 12 months although I always forget to take it on time, I hope it does something soon though because I can't go on like this for much longer, I don't feel normal I feel like I'm different to everyone else! Thanks so much for replying 

[Zan]

Gi-day Gal12 -- normal? Is anyone :-))  We're all unique individuals with our very ownstory ... and what someone thinks is normal can be pretty messed up or lacking something to someone else -- so don't worry about the whole "normal" thing, okay?

Also make sure you always tell your GP as soon as possible, if you find the medication isn't working. It could be a matter, as Hideaway has stated, that it either needs to be changed or increased/decreased. It could also allow your GP to reassess your condition. I was on anti-psychotics for 7 years with no benefits, only to be told after that time that I had Bi-Polar, and anti-psychotics do nothing for those with Bi-Polar. I'd also suggest a blood test for Barmah Forest virus, Dengue  or Ross River - mosquito born virus that can (not always) cause depressive/sleep disorder symptoms and remain active in the body for years.

Further, if you can, try joining something new - the local drama group, choir, SES (State Emergency Service as a volunteer), gym, Lions, Toastmasters. the Greens or Young Libs or Labor, etc etc. Not only do these types of activities provide a challenge (to begin with) they also get you out mixing with others (not just your friends) and being part of the "community". As Bilbo Baggins says "It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.Instead of "dangerous" I'd use the word "exciting".

Enjoy life to the fullest - no matter what ups and downs, tears and laughter, happen along the way. Okay?

[White_Rose]

Hello Zan

It's always a good day to meet an fellow traveller in the world of Tolkien. And that quote is so very true.

Dear Gal12

It's also a pleasure to meet you and welcome you to the Beyond Blue community. Your response to medication sounds similar to mine.  Tried heaps with either no result or side effects that were not tolerated. However my GP put me on to an AD that I can both tolerate and is effective. I did find I was not coping too well so the GP and I agreed to increase the amount. Wow! Talk about magic.

After a couple of months we agreed on a further increase but this proved disastrous. I have returned to my original amount but I expect to go up one level, so to speak, in the near future as I am not doing too well at the moment. So as Hideaway and Zan have commented, too much can be as bad as too little. And because of the time ADs take to be effective it can be a slow process.

The Black Dog, depression, can be a nasty beast, constantly nipping at your heels, barking at you and being a generally untrained nuisance. Your job is to train it to come to heel and obey your commands. Easier said than done I know, but I find it helps to think of depression as a dog that needs to be taught its manners.

I have found that confiding in too many people can lead to the sort of labels you describe. There is also the tendency, as I have found, to talk about our woes quite often. Not only do others find this irritating after a while, as you have discovered, but so few people understand depression. It really is a case of not knowing until you have experienced it.

So pick a few trusted and caring people and explain about depression and your feelings. Explore the tabs at the top of the page, especially The Facts and Resources. You will find heaps of information there and any of this can be sent to you by BB. There is also Information for Family and Friends which you could give to those people you feel most comfortable with.

The better informed people are the more they will connect with you and be able to provide support. The Black Dog hides behind myths, gossip and misinformation. Helping others to understand you will also help you and spread the word.

One last word before I run out of character allowance. Have a chat with your GP and ask to be referred to a psychologist. If your depression is as bad as you describe then you need more help than your GP is providing. ADs are not necessarily enough.

Hope to hear from you again. Keep going.

Mary