I have had enough of feeling this way

burkey · ‎10-07-2014

I have had enough of feeling this way . I don't sleep of a night time and I will not talk to any one . I hide every time some one comes near me. We are about to lose our farm because I cant get a job . and even the doctors no I have a problem but wont do any thing to help me . Why am I so sad and bitter all the time . I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up

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JessF · ‎14-07-2014

Hello burkey, losing your farm and not being able to get a job are big things which msut be heartbreaking for you. It is perfectly understandable that you would be feeling sad and bitter right now, and on top of that it doesn't sound like you are getting much help from the doctors either right now. I hope you can talk to us here some more and we can help you feel like you are being heard. It's a horrible feeling to want to go to sleep and not wake up, and a lot of us know what that is like.

It's good that you've felt able you can open up and talk to us on line here, is there any way you can talk to some of those people in real time that you say you won't talk to? I know it's hard when you just feel like hiding from everyone, but isolating yourself further will only make your feelings worse. Is there one person you can trust, to talk to about your feelings?

hopless_amp_helpless · ‎14-07-2014

Hi Burkey,

I'm so pleased that you opened up on this forum about how you are feeling.

I'm so sorry to hear that the doctors in your area aren't helping you. Do you live in an isolated area? Are there any other doctors in your area you could try?

I know you have probably lost faith in doctors after your experience with them but maybe one of them will help.

What about counsellors? Are there any you can talk to?

As Jess F said, isolating yourself will only make it worse....I know from personal experience that when you are depressed, the last thing you want to do is talk to anyone but the longer you wait, the harder it will get.

You've taken a huge first step in seeking help here so I hope you can find the courage to take the next steps you need to to get help.

Keep us posted ok!

Take care ~ Kylz

AGrace · ‎21-07-2014

Hi burkey,

It has been some time since your first post, I just wanted to see how things are going.

Did you manage to go back and see a Dr? Your thoughts of not wanting to wake up need to be taken seriously. This farm you live on, is this with your wife? Does she know how you are feeling?

Sadly the more and more we isolate ourselves the more we convince our brain that this is the right thing to do in this situation. What do you think it would take for you to get out of the house for a little bit? Would it be possible for you to have one person over to chat with? It's best to take things slow, however you also want to have a goal to work towards and at the moment I think that would be returning to work.

I know the moderators responded to your post, were you able to contact Beyondblue? There trained team are really good at giving extra support and can help give you guidance on taking the next step. There are also a number of resources available on the website which might be worthwhile reading. Sometimes it helps to know that how you are feeling, thinking, and acting are as a result of an illness rather than as a result of you.

I hope we will hear from you again.

AGrace