Hi Dejena
I'm wondering if you find there are a lot of things that feel depressing. I find there are a lot of things that can be potentially depressing but it's like you don't realise until you can really feel the down. When you're tolerating things without feeling so down, life is bearable. When those same things become intolerable, the intensity of the down can be mind altering. It's like life can go from tolerable (life's okay) to intolerable (I don't like life) to completely intolerable (I can't stand life).
Some downers can be hard to pick initially. For example, you could have 5 close friends. One of those friends no longer contacting you can lead you to feel a little down but not noticeably. Two more of those friends cutting ties can begin to feel intolerable. The remaining 2 drifting out of your life can feel completely intolerable and downright depressing, especially if you need the support, reassurance, guidance and inspiration. The question might very well be 'Do I cut ties completely with 'fair weather' friends (people who only show up when everything's sunny)?' Another question, 'Do I actively search for support, reassurance, guidance and inspiration in places where I suspect or know I'll find it?' It can become a major challenge, perhaps one of the greatest in our life, but I believe we are designed to be seekers of support, reassurance, guidance and inspiration. To identify our self as 'a seeker', as opposed to 'hopeless' can change our relationship with life. As I say, definitely a hard task at times. Dejena, if you weren't a natural seeker you wouldn't have come here.
I'm wondering whether you're sensitive enough to actually feel when people are bringing you down. Personally, I can feel myself getting both worked up to anger when I can't tolerate something as well as feeling myself becoming down through intolerance of some nature. For me, that down feeling can sometimes feel like heartache, a slight aching in the chest, around the heart. If it's intense enough, it'll work it's way out through words and/or tears. I find the feelings that come with inspiration are entirely different. Sometimes, when inspiration has been sorely lacking in life, we can forget this feeling. We can even come to desperately long for it. Depression is cruel, the way it leads us to forget our self and our search for inspiration. Depression is a cruel form of amnesia.
🙂
