I've been really struggling lately and just need someone to listen

[Tinks99]

Im a newbie and its 3am here and like the title says, I just want someone to listen to my thoughts.

I got diagnosed with depression/anxiety/ptsd when I was 18. The anxiety and depression stem from an abusive childhood and the depression when my aunt died. Just a little background info

Lately, I dont want to be here anymore. I don't want to wake up, I dont want to eat and I just don't have any motivation to do anything. So I went and saw my doctor today and she increased my medication and recommended BeyondBlue.

My partner doesn't really seem to understand, and it hurts. Every time I'm like this he thinks its because I've thought myself into it and doesn't understand that it can just happen. He thinks I need to learn how to be emotionally independent.

Sorry I'm rambling.

My biggest support system is my nana, shes always been there to help me, whether it be having a chat at 4 in the morning or coming with me to hospital

Im barely holding it together, I really just want to fall apart and cry. I feel like I could just cry for months

Someone please read this and just say they're proud of me

[Sophie_M]

Hey Tinks99,

Welcome to our forums and thank you for taking the brave step of reaching out here. It's not easy to open up about what you're going through and we are so glad that you found the courage to do so. We are so sorry to hear you are struggling so much with these distressing thoughts and feelings. We are also sorry that you're feeling misunderstood by your partner, that must be very difficult. Please know that you are in a safe, non-judgmental space here where you can share your thoughts and feelings, and our wonderful community members will be able to provide you with their wisdom and guidance.

We are glad you went to see your doctor who was able to adjust your medication and recommend Beyond Blue to you. Can we ask if you are also working with a counsellor or a therapist at the moment? Please know that there supports available for you. You can contact Beyond Blue Support Service any time at 1300 22 4636 to talk to a counselor. If you are feeling overwhelmed at any point and need to chat with someone, you can contact Lifeline at 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service at 1300 659 467.

We are very proud of you for holding on and being here with us. You seem to have a good awareness of what is happening with you and you've been looking after yourself all this time. It shows your strength and courage. We hope you can see it too.

We are here to listen to you, so please keep posting here to let us know how you're doing, whenever you feel up to it.

[therising]

Hi Tinks

I am so proud of you, given how far you've come under incredibly challenging circumstances. If you could feel how proud I am it would light you up so you could experience for yourself the pure brilliance of who you truly are.

Living life on a high is so easy. Living life in a low or depression is far from easy. In fact, it can feel impossible, something people who've experienced depression can relate to.

Who raises you Tinks? Who raises you to feel the hero in you who has made it this far? Who raises you through giving you breaks in the battle you face? Who raises you to a heartfelt smile? This is not just one of those run of the mill kind of smiles that most people can produce, it's one that may have taken someone hours or days or weeks to conjure up in you. It's a smile that's worth all the work involved. Sounds like your Nan is your #1 raiser. I imagine she's proud of you as she feels so deeply for you.

The most amazing incredible people on this earth are the ones who not only seek a difference in life, they are willing to fight to find that difference. Such a battle can feel exhausting.

You're a warrior Tinks. Be one who fights with pride 🙂

[quirkywords]

Thinks

Welcome to the forum.
As I read your post I could feel your frustration at encouraging your partner and others to u derstand you.

I feel admiration for how hard you have worked to overcome your struggles.

Before I read your last sentence I though how proud I was you have dealt with such serious problems.
Your nan is a champion an a raiser as the rising says. I am a nan and I hope I can be there for my grandchildren,when they need it at 4am,.

I know you feel like you are feeling like you are falling apart but the fact you are reaching out here and posting on the forum shows me you are someone who has determination and I spring.

Also by writing here many people will read and not post so your words will help them feel less alone .
we are listening and you are not alone.

[geoff]

Hello Tinks, and a very warm welcome to the forums, and yes at times it is hard for people to sit down and listen to us when we are struggling, without criticising us and putting the blame back on us, in other words, they aren't particularly interested in what we want to say and by doing this only increases how awful we are feeling.

Your nan must be fantastic in wanting to listen and help you through this because back in her time, people were only given a kick and told to 'get on with it', so for her to be able to open up must be so endearing.

To be told 'to be emotionally independent' is not a pleasant way to help you through any situation that you are finding it difficult to cope with, and yes many times I have been told exactly the same, it's no help what's so ever.

I don't mean to say that he doesn't love you, I'm sure he does, but people who have no experience in consoling another person don't know what they should be saying and often opt out by trying to avoiding a situation like this, but want attention when they are suffering from some mishap.

You are entitled to cry when this illness takes control, it is a release and never feel bad in doing this, and now you have us, we want you to seek help by contacting your doctor, ask them about the 'mental health plan', this entitles you to Medicare paid sessions which your doctor can explain to you.

Please stay with us, we might not be able to respond straight away, but will pick up your replies later on.

Take care.

Geoff.

[jenms]

Hi Tinks. I am new to this website and forum and i am 60 years old and have NEVER had anyone understand and 'get it' like the incredible people on this site. I was kind of 'forced' to do something like this and to be honest after 60 years i thought nothing would help but i was not just pleasantly surprised but astounded at the support. I cry almost every day. I had a veeeeery long appointment with my doctor yesterday and she said to look for any tiny thing initially that can brighten my day. My cat was being naughty this morning and i yelled at her and straight away she grabbed a toy and jumped on my lap with it to say sorry. It made me smile. Maybe if we can find something tiny to smile about each day we will be able to move onto bigger and better things? Stick with BB, i have found nothing but support and understanding. Most importantly i am so proud of you for reaching out. Well done you! XX

[Alannah57]

Hi, I hope you’re okay.You are so important and loved even by strangers who haven’t even met you, you are special. You are a treasured part of this world, and deserve to be happy. I hope you feel better soon.

[Guest_1643]

proud of u.

[geoff]

Hello Jenm, and a warm welcome to the site, and definitely agree with Alannah, we are strangers but know exactly what you are talking about.

Animals know, they can read our thoughts, the look we have on our faces and how we respond to understand what's going through our mind, that's why the love from them means the world to us.

They don't ask questions or perhaps their behaviour is their way of asking and when we lie down on the bed they come and cuddle up to us, if they aren't too big, and here I am typing this my little puppie is sitting down and watching me, their love is unquestionable.

We feel ashamed to cry every day but we shouldn't because the more you try and hold it in, the worse you may feel, please don't, remember we have all cried when we've been in these types of situations and know how you are feeling.

Take care.

Geoff.

[LJpd81]

Just wanted to send big hugs for you 😘