I fell off the wagon

[JessF]

Well I was away over the weekend and doing a bit of reading it looks like I missed some computer dramas: my absolute favourite (not!)

I fell off the wagon on Saturday. In terms of drink and in letting my anxiety get the better of me, and I'm annoyed and disappointed in myself. For some weeks, I'd been working myself up to join a new social group, something that is very outside of my comfort zone but something I have wanted to do for years.

Saturday morning came, I got all the way there, took one look at all the people and panicked. I got straight back in my car and went home. I tried to distract myself as best I could for the day, but those little demons and voices would not leave me alone. I accepted that they were there, just like I've been taught, but it still felt crap.

I tried not to beat myself up too much, but by the evening I decided I needed a drink, so I stayed up into the small hours drinking and watching rubbish on television.  I felt awful on Sunday, and I'm ashamed to say I didn't go into work on Monday.  As I knew it would, the drink made my depression worse so I've been in a numb haze feeling sorry for myself.

Thankfully I have woken this morning with a lighter head and a better perspective, hopefully it will be a lesson of strength for next time. I don't know what I'm going to do about the social group. I don't know whether I want to try again, or whether I should jsut leave it because it seems I am not ready to take that step yet.

[Neil_1]

Hi Jess

Ok, so you've had a little session on Saturday night.  When was the last time that you did that?  I'm gathering it's not like you hook in every night or every weekend?  If that's the case, then I'm proud of you for coming here and telling us this. 

And the drink did it's thing on saturday night for you and then it turned on you on Sunday to make you feel awful - no doubt, hangover yes?    And a day off work?  I'll bet that was your first day off work for some time as well.

All in all, I am calling it a slight glitch ... a small bump in the road;  that you have now passed over and you can now continue on.

Regarding the social group ... that was a huge step forward for you to drive there and just be there.  You've already admitted that you've been feeling that doing something like this is 'out of your comfort zone'.  For the next time that you go (cause I'm being positive and hoping that you will go again), is there any chance that you can kind of park near and watch for a little while?  Is there a chance that you could possibly 'hover' near your car - and potentially make eye contact or the like with one of the people who are apart of the group?

What I'm getting at here ... is to save you having to go to their all on your own, I'm just wondering if you could kind of 'hand select' one of the people and entice them to come over to you?  Then you'd be in a one-on-one situation;   introduce yourself, they'll do the same;   say that you've been wishing to become a part of this for some time but that you're totally nervous and was wondering if this person could possibly, kind of show you around a little (you know, like a buddy system).

It makes it a little difficult cause I'm not sure what the social group is?  Or perhaps if you could snare a husband and wife combo? 

Jess, I don't know if that helps ... but the last I'll comment on the alcohol side of things, is that ok, it's happened, you've felt awful and the like after;  so it's now move along time - in fact, I'm sorry I've kept bringing it up.

With regard to the Social Club thing, I can see much positiveness coming out of that for you.  I'll work with you here to see what can be achieved.

Kind regards

Neil

ps:  would be lovely to hear back about what you think of the above?

[Upasaka]

There's an anti smoking campaign on tv atm that says something to the effect of 'every time you try to quit you get better at doing it.'

I agree with that, I've read a lot of work by Rick Hansen who writes a lot about how to change your own brain. It does actually happen, you *can* change your own brain. 

Each time you try to stop the drink you'll get better at it. This is an experience that you needed and you *will* get tougher each time.

[JessF]

Hi Neil, thank you very much for your advice. Sorry to be all secret squirrel about the nature of the "social club". Made it sound a bit X files. Its actually an amateur tennis group.  I had been in touch with by email for a while, I think what I will do is get back in touch and see if theres a way I can meet someone from the group beforehand and have a coffee and go along with them, as an icebreaker.  I love watching sports but have never played and my anxiety comes not just from new groups of people, which I have always struggled with, but out of making a complete fool of myself. When I turned up, everyone seemed so...well...like they knew what they were doing!

And thanks Bilbo, yes, it did serve to remind me that drink is not good for me. Neil I haven't had a drink in months, I decided to kick it totally towards the end of last year after some regrettable experiences involving late nights, wine, and Facebook. Maybe on Saturday it did help for a bit, but its a bit like using a sledgehammer to crack a nut. And this nut is not for crackin!