I don't really know where to start.. since December 1st 2014 my life has changed and not for the better. I went through a horrible time then and the person I was is no longer who I am. I mean I have seeked help.. was on medication but the doctor took me off cause it was not working. I've seen three councillors and I just feel so uncomfortable because I can't say what I want to say without feeling embarrassed because I cry so much.. its like I have no control over my emotions. I think the same things over and over every day.. I can't switch my memories off and its driving me crazy.. I have good periods of 2 weeks where I feel like im getting on the right track but then Im so bad again. I walk on eggs shells because Im scared of how I will react if I feel a certain feeling that upsets me. On Friday I was talking to a co worker and he did something, something that was harmless that triggered this fear inside me and I felt like I couldnt breathe.. I was over thinking everything the rest of the night.. The feeling is hard to explain.. but it is the feelings I felt on the 1st of December 2014. I was diganosed with servere Depression and Anxiety but I feel like its more than that... i feel crazy! I have isolated myself from everyone.. I don't spend time with anybody.. I tell no one anything because ive had friends and family make me feel worse telling me to" get over it" or "move on"....ive made new friends at work but I am so cautious.. I don't trust anyone. Some days I lose my appetite.. Some days I emotionally eat. Just the other night I woke at 3am and just started thinking every bad thing anyone has ever said or done to me. Im either so exhausted or up and down all night. I like to be alone but Im also at a movie laughing and then start crying because I can see people with Friends or Partners.. I get so overwhelmed easy.. but get so disheartened when Im never incuded.. Its so frustrating and exhausting. Work mates pick up on my changes in behaviour and its embarrassing because I can't tell them what I feel inside.. because i have so much pain inside.. Im so lonely but so hurt that I hide away.
Do you have any advice or suggestions to help me? I don't have a lot of money but I also know If I don't get some help Im just going to get worse.
