Hello, I am new to this forum and really don't know where to start, but I'll try my best
For my whole life, I have been raised in a very very religious household. I don't want to get into too much detail, as it is a very broad topic in my life, but I have never really made any friends because my family doesn't really like me talking to people outside of the religion. I feel as if this has become a major issue as of recent, because I feel like I have absolutely no one who really cares about me, and a family who will limit contact with me once I come out as gay and leave the religion. All of this has accumulated throughout my early-mid teen years, in which I was very anxious and depressed 24/7, leading me to become extremely underweight to this day, and having no positive image of myself.
Now, I am still no better than I was back then, nothing much has changed, I still struggle to get out of bed in the morning and talk to anyone, because I've been taught from a young age that all people will do is bring pain to me, so its better not to talk to them. I don't have many friends, and most of them tend to ignore me and get angry when I try to talk to them about anything, telling me to bother someone else because I'm too needy (their words). The one close friend I have, who I don't deserve, is the only one I really talk to anymore, and even then, I struggle with the negative thoughts about how "he doesn't really wanna talk to you" and "he is talking to you because he feels bad".
I feel like I haven't really felt anything for a long while now, the only productive thing I can do anymore is draw, and am worried that I will continue to get worse as time goes on. My medicine and therapy haven't done much to help me, and I worry if I'm a lost cause.
I have no idea on how to cope with this, but I hope that made sense, Thank you for reading.
