The warmest of welcomes to you roses5668 ❤️
If there's one key thing I've learned over the years, as a 55yo gal, it's 'I'm not broken. I just tend to be ticking in a certain way that's depressing (very deeply at times) and I can feel it'. It can take some seriously solid detective work when it comes to figuring out what's really going on, what it is I'm facing. While it doesn't automatically fix things, it can help to say 'It's not my fault that I can feel something depressing me, it more so points to an ability I have, to actually feel something depressing going on'. If you're a 'feeler' or a 'sensitive', the question then becomes 'What the heck and I feeling or sensing?'. Does it involve physical or chemical factors, mental factors or soulful/soul destroying factors or a combo?
Btw, I've found feeling or sensing to have a 'fast tracking' factor about it. In my younger years (regarding depression), I would stick at something and stick at it and stick at it and then declare myself as 'broken' or 'hopeless' if it didn't work. These days I'm more inclined to say 'Okay, I can feel/sense this is not working. What's next?'. Or if everything inside the square that's been tried doesn't work, I could then say 'I feel nothing inside the square working for me, it's time to begin exploring what's outside the square'. There have even been times where I could sense a GP giving me a wrong diagnosis, dismissing serious concerns, only for me to return to get the right diagnosis or having a second opinion hitting on the right one. Such was the case with a depressing level of B12 deficiency, a depressing level of sleep apnea and silent migraines which used to set off my nervous system something shocking. The detectives we employ are not always going to be the best ones for the job and that's not our fault.
I've found 'This type...' can be another helpful phrase, such as with 'This type of journaling makes no difference I can feel', 'This type of breathing makes no difference I can feel', 'This type of mindfulness exercise or meditation makes no difference I can feel'. There'll be types that do work. The question becomes 'What types work?'. Have faith in your ability to feel what works, just as you can feel what doesn't. With the journaling, for example, something seriously outside the square is a form of journaling known as 'Automatic writing'. Whether we believe what's written simply comes from a different part of our brain/mind or it comes from divine guidance (as some believe) doesn't matter. Each to their own. What matters is whether the result is helpful. It's also helpful to keep in mind that if you find something that works for you and others tend to poo poo it, don't pay too much attention to them. Finding what works is absolute gold in depression, as long as it's constructive. Don't let others lead you to give up your gold because that just becomes depressing. Well meaning people don't set out to be depressing but, at times, they can be. ❤️
