I don’t know what to do

[Exotic]

Hi,

It’s my first time posting here, I guess I just needed somewhere to let out all the sadness I’ve been feeling lately. I was with my girlfriend for 2 years before we ended things in December as she says she was unhappy. Fast forward 3 months and she reaches out saying she wants to give things another go.

For 2 weeks we’ve been hanging out and going on what I would call dates, at times I’ve noticed her messaging other guys and being on dating apps but I didn’t think much of it as I guess we weren’t officially dating again. 4 days ago however I asked her to be my girlfriend again to which she replied “I want to be wowed with flowers and dinner when you ask me” so anyways 2 days later I took her out to dinner and bought her a promise ring which she accepted and she told me she wanted to be in a relationship again. A day passes and she says she had a confession to make. She says in those 2 days prior that she had had intercourse with 3 different men. She says it’s not a big deal because we weren’t actually together again even though we would’ve been had she accepted it straight away. It’s just brought up a heap of trauma from when I was a kid seeing my parents divorce and how my father cheated on my mother. How distraught it made her

anyways i have been so sad lately, crying nonstop and I don’t know what I can do. I haven’t been able to concentrate on my uni work or do anything fun except lay in bed all day. I’m so paranoid that she is lying about not talking to any of them anymore. I’m really scared I’m gonna go down the path of having suicidal thoughts again to which I haven’t had since 2017.

I thought I wanted her back but it feels so much like she cheated on me even though she keeps telling me I’m being paranoid and that we weren’t together so it shouldn’t matter that much. I just want to stop being so sad, am I overreacting?

[On The Road]

Hi Exotic,

I'm sorry that this happened to you, I can see you really like your girlfriend and wanted her back but things didn't go well, in contrast, it reminded you of your childhood trauma. ☹️This must be tough for you, for anyone. You are definitely not overreacting or being paranoid. Your feeling is normal and validated, angry, feeling betrayed, sad, I would have similar reactions if I were you.

You've said this affecting your life and uni work, I strongly recommend you to focus on yourself first, you may go to the uni counsellors, and do something that can distract you. because this is probably not the best time to think about and make decisions on your relationship at the moment. It would be great if you have friends that you can share with and talk about this issue, but only after you are feeling ok enough to touch this again. Take care 🙂

[Sophie_M]

Hi Exotic Welcome to the forums, we are so glad that you found your way to this supportive and welcoming community.  We understand that it took courage to post and we are grateful that you were able to share. We can hear that you are feeling sad and uncertain about your relationship and that it has impacted on so many parts of your life.  It is understandable that you need clarity around your feelings and we would encourage you to consider talking things through with our lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or via webchat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. We are sure our lovely community members will spot it soon.

Warm regards, Sophie M