Hi everyone, For such a long time, I've had insufferable feelings of
loneliness to the point where I feel depressed. I'm hesitant to use the
word without a formal diagnosis, but my feelings and thoughts are very
much in line with what a depressed ind...
View more
Hi everyone, For such a long time, I've had insufferable feelings of
loneliness to the point where I feel depressed. I'm hesitant to use the
word without a formal diagnosis, but my feelings and thoughts are very
much in line with what a depressed individual would have. The long,
brutal lockdown we had in Victoria last year was of course damaging to
the even the most stoic person, but it was actually exiting lockdown
where these feelings got even worse. Everyone around me was catching up
with friends and partners, and I have nothing of the kind. My main
'friends', such as they were, were people from high school, around whom
I only stuck around because I really had no one else in truth. Even
though I felt constantly left out and isolated amongst them, and was the
subject of so much bullying they would call 'banter', I remained because
otherwise I would be completely lonely and basically at home 24/7.
Anyway, I've now ceased all contact with them, as I felt it was long
overdue and for the best. On the flipside, it means I spend one weekend
after another completely at home alone. My uni 'friends' all live too
far away and are otherwise too busy to ever get close to them. We'll see
each other once every few months, sure (after I inevitably initiate
contact with them), but nothing that enables us to get any closer. And
that's the other thing. I must initiate 100% of the convos in my life in
order to get a chance to talk to people. Quite literally. If I don't,
well, it's all loneliness at home again. I went through last year, with
our two arduous lockdowns, without hearing a single thing from anyone -
for instance, from uni people that I'd see every week prior to lockdown.
Now, back at uni, I try to make new friends by talking to people outside
of class, but it never amounts to anything. They never express any
desire to continue the conversation, and everyone seems perfectly happy
with their current friendship group without looking to add to it. The
worst thing without a doubt is my situation with girls. Any attempts I
get to know them ends in total failure. Either the conversation just
fizzles away and they eventually stop replying to me, or I get the usual
'you're sweet and kind, but there wasn't enough chemistry'. This has
gotten so distressing to the point where I feel jealousy just looking at
other young couples in public, even though I know how toxic these
feelings are. I've reached my character limit, so thank you for
listening to my rant so far.
How do I talk to my doctor?
